Your question: What should I say if someone is anxious?
By
OptimistMinds
| Reviewed by
Dr. Mark Mohan Kaggwa
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
Reviewer bio
Dr. Mark Mohan Kaggwa is a psychiatrist with experience in both clinical and research work. Major research contributions have been in forensic psychiatry, suicidology, medical education, and addiction psychiatry. He writes and reviews articles on these topics.
Brief bio
I have a wealth of expertise and experience in research and publication in psychiatry. I am a psychiatrist who has led and participated in several research projects and trainings, covering various topics such as addiction, forensic psychiatry, student mental health, and suicidology. I have a strong track record of mentoring and guiding early career researchers, especially students, to achieve academic excellence and recognition.
I have supervised and supported several students to publish their first peer-reviewed articles in high-impact journals such as the Lancet. Five of my mentees have received prestigious awards for their scientific contributions through publications, conference presentations, and travel grants. I derive great satisfaction and motivation from seeing others succeed and grow in their research careers.
Through mentoring activities, I have also enhanced my research and publication skills, resulting in over 70 publications in the past three years. My notable publications include several Lancet Psychiatry papers, widely cited and whose findings are implemented in various settings. I have also won several awards for my writing skills, such as the best journal article from the Royal College of Psychiatry Journals in August 2023.
Many of my articles have been featured on the cover pages of various journals, reflecting their significance and impact. I have also disseminated my research findings through conferences, seminars, and lectures, where I have been invited as a keynote speaker on three occasions.
I am passionate about solving real-world problems and improving the lives of people with mental health issues, especially those who are marginalized and vulnerable, through a team-based approach. I believe in training others to increase the field’s diversity of knowledge and perspectives.
I have extensive experience in data analysis, research methodology, design, and implementation science, which enables me to execute and train others effectively and efficiently. I am also a motivated team leader, an innovative problem solver, and a collaborative partner. My contribution is instrumental to this project’s success and advancing knowledge in this field.
Ongoing research projects:
- Self-harming behaviours among forensic patients in Ontario.
This project which started in December 2022, focuses on identifying the risks associated with physical self-harming behaviors and their related correlates
Role: Principal Investigator
- Suicide, all-cause mortality, and self-harming behaviours among forensic patients in Ontario.
This project is based on administrative databases to determine trends of suicide and all-cause mortality among forensic patients in Ontario. The project has been running since July 2023 to date
Role: Principal Investigator.
- Horticulture therapy’s role in reducing aggressive incidences among forensic patients in Ontario.
In this stepwise pragmatic cluster-randomized, we employ horticulture therapy in rehabilitating forensic patients in Ontario.
Role: Principal Investigator
- A preliminary study exploring the relationship between electroretinography waveforms and suicidal behaviour severity.
This project seeks to identify the waveforms that are related to suicidal behaviours among patients with depression. Recruitment for the study started in October 2023
Role: Principal Investigator
- Positions, Scientific Appointments, and Honors
| 2023 – present | American Psychiatry Association Colloquium fellow 2023, American Psychiatry Association, USA |
| 2022 – present | McMaster Forensic Psychiatry fellowship, McMasters University Department of Psychiatry and Behavioural Neuroscience, Hamilton, Canada |
| 2018 – 2021 | First Mile Fellowship (Masters support program), Massachusetts General Hospital Institute of Health Professions, USA
|
- Contributions to Science
- Suicidology epidemiology
I have been involved in projects investigating the prevalence of suicidal behaviours in various parts of the world. This work has reported the burden and associated factors among the following populations: university students, individuals affected by food insecurity, and those affected by the COVID-19 pandemic.
1) Kaggwa M.M, Akatussasira R, et. al. The global burden of suicidal behaviour among people experiencing food insecurity: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders. 2023. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2023.09.012
2) Nahrin R, Al-Mamun F, Kaggwa M.M, et al. Prevalence and factors associated with suicidal ideation among students taking university entrance tests: revisited and a study based on Geographic Information System data. BJPsych Open. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjo.2023.526
3) Abaatyo, J., … Kaggwa, M.Ml. Suicidal behaviour among inpatients with severe mental conditions in a public mental health hospital in Uganda. BMC Psychiatry 23, 346 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-04858-x
4) Kaggwa MM, Nuwamanya S, Ashaba S, Rukundo GZ, Harms S. An Adolescent’s Use of Veterinary Medicines: A Case Report Exploring Addiction. Journal of Psychoactive Drugs. 2021/08/08 2021;53(4):339-344. doi:10.1080/02791072.2021.1873466
5) Kaggwa MM, Muwanguzi M, Nduhuura E, et al. Suicide among Ugandan university students: evidence from media reports for 2010–2020. BJPsych International. 2021;18(3):63-67. doi:10.1192/bji.2021.13
6) Mamun MA, Al Mamun F, Hosen I, … Kaggwa MM, et al. Suicidality in Bangladeshi Young Adults During the COVID-19 Pandemic: The Role of Behavioral Factors, COVID-19 Risk and Fear, and Mental Health Problems. Risk Manag Healthc Policy. 2021;14:4051-4061. doi:10.2147/rmhp.S330282
7) Kaggwa MM, Arinaitwe I, Muwanguzi M, et al. Suicidal behaviours among Ugandan university students: a cross-sectional study. BMC Psychiatry. 2022/04/01 2022;22(1):234. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-03858-7
8) Kaggwa MM, Mamun MA, Najjuka SM, et al. Gambling-related suicide in East African Community countries: evidence from press media reports. BMC Public Health. Jan 24 2022;22(1):158. doi:10.1186/s12889-021-12306-2
9) Kaggwa MM, Rukundo GZ, Wakida EK, et al. Suicide, and Suicide Attempts Among Patients Attending Primary Health Care Facilities in Uganda: A Medical Records Review. Risk Manag Healthc Policy. 2022;15:703-711. doi:10.2147/rmhp.S358187
10) Rukundo GZ, Wakida EK, Maling S, Kaggwa MM, et al. Knowledge, attitudes, and experiences in suicide assessment and management: a qualitative study among primary health care workers in southwestern Uganda. BMC Psychiatry. Sep 12 2022;22(1):605. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-04244-z
11) Manouchehri A, Marznaki ZH, Atim LM, Mohammadian Amiri M, Kaggwa MM. The relationship between causes of suicidal attempts in Iran and individual and social variables: a retrospective study. BMC Psychiatry. Dec 12 2022;22(1):780. doi:10.1186/s12888-022-04449-2
12) Kaggwa MM, Najjuka SM, Favina A, Griffiths MD, Mamun MA. Suicidal behaviors and associated factors among medical students in Africa: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders Reports. 2022/12/09/ 2022:100456. doi:10.1016/j.jadr.2022.100456
13) Al-Mamun, F., Kaggwa, M.M., Hosen, I. et al. Suicide related to the COVID-19 pandemic in India: A systematic review. Discov Psychol 3, 2 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s44202-022-00063-1
- University student’s mental health
Following my experience as a student and seeing many of my colleagues face vast challenges in their pursuit of knowledge. I investigated various aspects of university students’ mental health to find solutions to an ever-growing problem. I have published a few peer-reviewed articles on subjects ranging from depression, burnout, behavioural addictions, and sexual risk behaviours, among others.
1) Kaggwa MM, Devine J, and Harms S. The opioid crisis fuelled by health systems: how will future physicians fare? BJPsych International, 2023, 1-3, https://doi.org/10.1192/bji.2023.12
2) Sserunkuuma, J., Kaggwa, M. M., et al. Problematic use of the internet, smartphones, and social media among medical students and relationship with depression: An exploratory study. Plos One, 18(5), e0286424. https://doi.org/10.6084/m9.figshare.22794644
3) Kajjimu J, Kaggwa MM, Bongomin F. Burnout and associated factors among medical students in a public university in Uganda: A cross-sectional study. Adv Med Educ Pract. 2021;12:63-75. doi:10.2147/amep.S287928
4) Al Mamun F, Hosen I, Misti JM, Kaggwa MM, Mamun MA. Mental Disorders of Bangladeshi Students During the COVID-19 Pandemic: A Systematic Review. Psychology research and behavior management. 2021;14:645-654. doi:10.2147/PRBM.S315961
5) Najjuka SM, Checkwech G, Olum R, Ashaba S, Kaggwa MM. Depression, anxiety, and stress among Ugandan university students during the COVID-19 lockdown: an online survey. Afr Health Sci. Dec 2021;21(4):1533-1543. doi:10.4314/ahs.v21i4.6
6) Kaggwa MM, Kajjimu J, Sserunkuma J, et al. Prevalence of burnout among university students in low- and middle-income countries: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PLoS One. 2021;16(8):e0256402. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0256402
7) Kaggwa MM, Arinaitwe I, Nduhuura E, et al. Prevalence and Factors Associated With Depression and Suicidal Ideation During the COVID-19 Pandemic Among University Students in Uganda: A Cross-Sectional Study. Front Psychiatry. 2022;13:842466. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2022.842466
8) Kihumuro RB, Kaggwa MM, Kintu TM, et al. Knowledge, attitude and perceptions of medical students towards mental health in a university in Uganda. BMC Med Educ. Oct 20 2022;22(1):730. doi:10.1186/s12909-022-03774-0
9) Kihumuro RB, Kaggwa MM, Nakandi RM, et al. Perspectives on mental health services for medical students at a Ugandan medical school. BMC Med Educ. Oct 25 2022;22(1):734. doi:10.1186/s12909-022-03815-8
10) Kaggwa MM, Muwanguzi M, Najjuka SM, et al. Risky sexual behaviours among Ugandan university students: A pilot study exploring the role of adverse childhood experiences, substance use history, and family environment. PLoS One. 2022;17(11):e0277129. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0277129
11) Muwanguzi, M., Kaggwa, MM., et al. Exploring adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) among Ugandan university students: its associations with academic performance, depression, and suicidal ideations. BMC Psychology, 2023/01/13.
- Influence of family caregivers and peer influence on patient’s mental health
From the unique perspective of using caregivers in caring for mental health patients in Mbarara Regional Referral Hospital. I embarked on understanding their roles, burdens, and significance in patients’ recovery. I continued to explore this in different populations, such as those involved in the criminal justice system. In this adventurous journey, I published a few peer-reviewed articles.
1) Kaggwa, M.M, Olagunju, A.T, Prat, S, Harms, S, and Chaimowitz, G. Peer support mental health teams in correctional settings in Uganda. Lancet Psychiatry, January 2023. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2215-0366(22)00431-X.
2) Kaggwa MM, Najjuka MS, Kesande C, et al. Length of stay of hospitalized patients at tertiary psychiatry facilities in Uganda: the role of caregiver’s presence. Discover Mental Health. 022/07/04 2022;2(1):15. doi:10.1007/s44192-022-00018-x
3) Kaggwa, M.M, Najjuka SM, Mamun, MA, Griffiths, MD, Nyemara, N, and Ashaba, S. Involvement and burden of informal caregivers of patients with mental illness: the mediating role of affiliated stigma. BMC Psychiatry. January 2023. http://dx.doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-04553-x
4) Nuwamanya S, Nkola R, Najjuka SM, et al. Kaggwa MM. Depression in Ugandan caregivers of cancer patients: The role of coping strategies and social support. Psychooncology. Oct 26 2022;doi:10.1002/pon.6057
5) Najjuka SM, Iradukunda A, Kaggwa MM, et. Al., The caring experiences of family caregivers for patients with advanced cancer in Uganda: A qualitative study. Plos One, October 2023.
- Mental healthcare and psychiatry epidemiology in Uganda
I have also contributed to understanding Uganda’s mental healthcare system through written commentaries, perspectives, reviews, and primary research.
1) Kaggwa MM, Harms S, Mamum M, A. Mental health in Uganda. Lancet Psychiatry; 2022. Oct;9(10):766-767. doi: 10.1016/S2215-0366(22)00305-4.
2) Kaggwa MM, Najjuka SM, Bongomin F, Mamun MA, Griffiths MD. Prevalence of depression in Uganda: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PLoS One. 2022;17(10):e0276552. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0276552
3) Abaatyo J, Kaggwa MM, Favina A, and Olagunju AT. Readmission and associated clinical factors among individuals admitted with bipolar affective disorder at a psychiatry facility in Uganda. BMC Psychiatry, 23, 474 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-04960-0
4) Abaatyo, J., Favina, A. & Kaggwa, M.M. Absconding among admitted patients with bipolar affective disorder diagnosis in Uganda. BMC Psychiatry 23, 318 (2023).
5) Anyayo L, Ashaba S, Kaggwa MM, Maling S, Nakimuli-Mpungu E. Health-related quality of life among patients with bipolar disorder in rural southwestern Uganda: a hospital-based cross-sectional study. Health and Quality of Life Outcomes. 2021/03/10 2021;19(1):84. doi:10.1186/s12955-021-01729-5
6) Kaggwa MM, Namatanzi B, Kule M, et al. Depression in Ugandan Rural Women Involved in a Money Saving Group: The Role of Spouse’s Unemployment, Extramarital Relationship, and Substance Use. Int J Womens Health. 2021;13:869-878. doi:10.2147/ijwh.S323636
7) Kaggwa MM, Acai A, Rukundo GZ, Harms S, Ashaba S. Patients’ perspectives on the experience of absconding from a psychiatric hospital: a qualitative study. BMC Psychiatry. 2021/07/26 2021;21(1):371. doi:10.1186/s12888-021-03382-0
8) Kaggwa MM, Najjuka SM, Harms S, Ashaba S. Mortality Among Patients Admitted in a Psychiatric Facility: A Single-Centre Review. Clinical Audit. 2021 2021-06-17 2021;13:21-28. doi:10.2147/CA.S308757
9) Kaggwa MM, Nkola R, Najjuka SM, Bongomin F, Ashaba S, Mamun MA. Extrapyramidal Side Effects in a Patient with Alcohol Withdrawal Symptoms: A Reflection of Quality of the Mental Health Care System. Risk Manag Healthc Policy. 2021;14:2789-2795. doi:10.2147/rmhp.S314451
You can view some of my scholastic work from the following
eRA COMMONS: ORCID ID: https://orcid.org/0000-0002-4733-154X
Scopus Author ID: https://www.scopus.com/authid/detail.uri?authorId=57221518864
Researchgate ID: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Mark-Kaggwa
Loop profile: https://loop.frontiersin.org/people/926359/overview
Semantic Scholar Link: https://www.semanticscholar.org/author/Mark-Mohan-Kaggwa/2046806840
Google scholar: https://scholar.google.com/citations?user=pPNqr_AAAAAJ&hl=en
My reply:
Hi, I hope this message finds you well. My name is Cesar Guedez, a psychologist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy. Through this article I would like to explain to you how you can help a person who is suffering from anxiety, whether it is a friend, family member, partner, loved one in general, or even a stranger, by explaining what are the things you should say and what techniques you can implement to make that person feel better.
Experiencing anxiety is a fairly common occurrence in everyday life. People feel anxiety when their brain perceives a threat, whether real or imagined, triggering distressing physical and emotional symptoms that unbalance its functioning.
Although anxiety is normal and necessary, it can become a problem when it is very intense and recurrent, and when it occurs in important daily activities such as work, studies or interpersonal relationships. Therefore, learning to manage anxiety, both your own and that of others, is vitally useful.
You have probably seen a loved one experience anxiety and it makes you helpless. Naturally, you wouldn’t want to see someone you care about suffer, and you’re probably wondering how you could help make that person feel better.
While you can’t “cure” anyone’s anxiety, you can help others manage their anxious symptoms through clear and effective strategies that require practice and attention. You don’t have to be a psychologist or a professional to help someone who is suffering from anxiety. What is important is that you are careful about what to say and do to avoid aggravating the other person’s state of anxiety.
How do you know if a person is anxious?
Before helping a person with anxiety it is necessary to understand that the thoughts, and therefore the things that people in an anxiety episode say, are not always supported by logic or reality. Anxiety creates automatic, dysfunctional thoughts that can make the person feel threatened, harassed or assaulted even though this is not happening in reality.
You need to first learn to recognize the symptoms of anxiety before you are ready to help the person. Anxiety manifests itself physically and emotionally, and each person expresses it differently according to his or her personality traits and social context. Some characteristic symptoms are:
- Sweating and tachycardia.
- Nausea
- Agitated or shortness of breath.
- Psychomotor agitation.
- Problems to concentrate.
- Intense fear or panic.
- Feeling that something terrible is about to happen.
- Desire to run away from a stressful situation.
- Irritability or intense sadness.
What NOT to say to someone with anxiety?
There are some key things to keep in mind about what NOT to say or do if you want to help a person with anxiety. This is very important because it could increase the other person’s anxiety, and in addition, it could make you anxious while you are trying to help.
Do not minimize
Avoid saying to the person phrases such as “it’s nothing, it will pass”, “calm down and breathe, it’s not a big deal” or “I already went through something like this and it wasn’t that hard, calm down”. This generates frustration and irritability in the anxious person. In addition, during anxiety people do not think rationally, so a problem that may seem minimal to you or have an obvious solution, will not be for the anxious person.
Don’t nag
Phrases like “it’s your fault you feel this way” or “you should have organized your time better” is detrimental to people with anxiety because it is perceived as a criticism or scolding that has no use in the situation. In addition to generating more irritability and anxiety in the other person, it is likely to cause them to generate resentment and emotional distance from you in the future.
Don’t give trite “solutions”
Many people, trying to help, tell an anxious person things like “have you tried yoga or meditation?” or “take a deep breath and it will go away”. The problem is that although some of these recommendations are effective in reducing the symptoms of anxiety, as is the case with yoga and meditation, saying them at the time of an anxious episode only generates more distress and worry in the person.
Do not make physical contact without asking
I remember during a clinical psychology class in college a classmate asked the professor if it was okay to give a hug to a person who is suffering from anxiety or a panic attack. The answer then and now is the same – no. Physical contact without consent can make the person with anxiety feel more exalted and invaded in their personal space.
What can you do and say to help someone with anxiety?
There are several strategies you can implement to help someone who is experiencing anxiety, keeping in mind that you must monitor yourself during the process. Helping someone with anxiety can be exhausting and can generate stressful symptoms, so be aware of your own feelings, and seek professional help when you feel yourself starting to manifest anxiety:
Just be there to listen
Many people who experience anxiety are waiting for someone who will simply listen to them without judgment(1). Being there for that person, serving as an outlet for all the worries and anxieties in their life is helpful. Also, validate their emotions through phrases such as “that sounds very complicated, how are you coping?”. This will allow the person to feel that you understand them and that their sense of anxiety is not false.
Help them breathe
Instead of simply saying “calm down and breathe,” be the one to help the anxious person breathe. Through imitation, show the person brief breathing exercises. “Close your eyes and inhale and exhale in three-second intervals, while mentalizing a peaceful and calm scenario of your choice.” By giving the person these instructions, while doing the exercise with them in a calm space, you will have taught them a strategy that they will be able to apply when you are not present.
Acknowledge their achievements
This is very useful for moments when the person is not going through moments of anxiety. If, for example, you notice that for some time now that person has a calmer and more relaxed attitude, congratulate them on that.
Help them to get professional help
Some people find it difficult to seek psychological care because they have prejudices associated with it and do not want to feel “sick”. If you see that the anxiety of the person you want to help is getting worse, help him to get a therapist, research in your close circle a professional you trust and encourage them to attend, telling them that it will help them to manage the things they feel unable to do on their own.
In my experience…
Before helping someone deal with their anxiety or any other emotional problem, you need to look at your own emotional state and general well-being. Helping and supporting others in their bad times can be very rewarding, because if the important people in your life are well, you are more likely to feel well too.
Therefore, you should keep in mind that even if you have the best intentions to help, there may be times when the person you want to help needs extra professional support that you will not be able to provide. This does not make you a bad friend, partner or family member, it is something that could happen to anyone.
Either way, there is a solution to anxiety, whether it is your own or that of a loved one, and through effective therapeutic strategies the emotional state of whomever is suffering from anxiety will improve in due time and pace. And remember, any accomplishments and improvements you notice in someone with anxiety are to be celebrated.
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References
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