Words of encouragement for abuse wife (51+)

Words of encouragement for abuse wife

  • “YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways in which he has been good to her. Friends say: “He treats you that way because he can get away with it. I would never let someone treat me that way.” But she knows that the times when she puts her foot down the most firmly, he responds by becoming his angriest and most intimidating. When she stands up to him, he makes her pay for it—sooner or later. Friends say: “Leave him.” But she knows it won’t be that easy. He will promise to change. He’ll get friends and relatives to feel sorry for him and pressure her to give him another chance. He’ll get severely depressed, causing her to worry whether he’ll be all right. And, depending on what style of abuser he is, she may know that he will become dangerous when she tries to leave him. She may even be concerned that he will try to take her children away from her, as some abusers do.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “… in practice the standard for what constitutes rape is set not at the level of women’s experience of violation but just above the level of coercion acceptable to men.”― Judith Lewis Herman
  • “It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her as an excuse to mistreat you, stop believing anything he tells you about that relationship and instead recognize it as a sign that he has problems with relating to women.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “Shouldn’t there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?”― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us
  • “Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty—or violence—he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist. These walls tend to grow over time, so that after a few years in a relationship my clients can reach a point where they feel no more guilt over degrading or threatening their partners than you or I would feel after angrily kicking a stone in the driveway.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse.”― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
  • “When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: “Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control ofher.”― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
  • “The whole thing becomes like this evil enchantment from a fairy tale, but you’re made to believe the spell can never be broken.”― Jess C. Scott, Heart’s Blood
  • “People only picked the pretty, sweet-smelling flowers. The ones with thorns were left alone.”― Nenia Campbell, Fearscape
  • “I wondered about her chicken-and-egg relationship with Dad. Which came first? Her helplessness or his controlling?”― Justina Chen Headley, North of Beautiful
  • “He knew exactly how to hit a woman, so that the marks hardly showed. He knew how to kiss her, too, so that her heart began to race and she’d start to think forgiveness with every breath. It’s amazing the places that love will carry you. It’s astounding to discover just how far you’re willing to go.”― Alice Hoffman, Practical Magic
  • “I realized I had become wild and undomesticated, living a gypsy life—coming and going from Bernie’s. But even the thought about settling down in a cozy home with a dog and a cat, not to mention a person, would cause me to panic, pick up and run away. It’s not that I would want to leave. I would have to. The very idea of being settled, I found unsettling. I believed I didn’t deserve these things. I felt secure and comfortable getting what I needed on the fly—no commitments.”― Samantha Hart, Blind Pony: As True A Story As I Can Tell
  • “There’s always something in it for the person who is allowing to be taken advantage of.” Psychotherapist David in Type 1 Sociopath”― P.A. Speers, Type 1 Sociopath – When Difficult People Are More Than Just Difficult People
  • “Putting up with an abusive person is like living with a pig in a pigsty and pretending not to care about the smell.”― Michael Bassey Johnson, The Book of Maxims, Poems and Anecdotes
  • “Soul Abuse is the destruction of a victim’s awareness of the strength within their soul. It stems from the abuser’s intention to corrupt another’s understanding of their own significance. ”― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of paedophilic abuse
  • “Terri had already gotten her panties into a bunch just from one little phone call, so he knew coming at her too much too fast would be more trouble than it was worth. He couldn’t exactly beat her into submission, not right away anyway. Although he did enjoy seeing her get all riled up.Nothing tugged at a man’s heartstrings like a pair of mascara smeared eyes.Randy from Spring Cleaning– Coming Summer 2012”― Brandi Salazar, Spring Cleaning
  • “You would think that honour has been reconciled to its lexical origins or bravery, glory and honesty. Yet, a special entry in the social glossary has reserved it exclusively to an organ that is safely nestled between a woman’s legs, and upon its compromise, which is a common male practice, hell and damnation befall the legs and their owner, never the invader.”― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
  • “If a woman is harassed, it is because she asked for it? She dressed for it? She walked for it? She spoke for it? I would like to challenge that.”― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
  • “Domestic violence has often gone unnamed and unblamed in my society. It is the norm for men to teach their wives a lesson, and for the women to bear that beating and teaching with no complaints.”― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
  • “Parading around like she owns the place.”This would be charged of women and girls who exhibited themselves: their bodies. Particularly if their bodies were imperfect in obvious ways– too fat. Appearing in public when they should be ashamed of how they looked or in any case aware of how they looked. Of how unsparing eyes would latch onto them, assessing. Never was such a charge made of men or boys.There appeared to be no masculine equivalent for “making a spectacle, parading around.”As, you’d discover, there was no masculine equivalent for “bitch, slut.”― Joyce Carol Oates
  • “… he (the husband) would stand over her head and tell her there was no place else for her to go, no one wanted her and no one was coming for her rescue.Do you have any idea how bleak, how hopeless and terminal it sounds and feels to be at that point? I got chills just writing about it…”― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
  • “Because many around us seem to encounter only abuse, they cry out for help as tears roll down their face. Instead of shunning them, you really ought to step in to assist. Why then read this book? Pick it up because it represents a strong voice against all forms of abuse: marital, parental, spousal, physical, and sexual (if not others). Read it with an aim for scrutiny and then draft a review about how it might just touch upon your own experiences. At that point, do the right thing by dropping it off at a safe haven and shelter for victims of domestic abuse or any other form of abuse. You might thereby offer someone encouragement and hope.”― Emiliya Ahmadova, Broken Chains-Razorvanniye Tsepi
  • “Imagine spending your entire life protecting your girl from the beasts that lie beyond the walls of your fortress only to find out one day that she has been molested at the hands of those monsters within.”― Fatima Mohammed, Higher Heels, Bigger Dreams
  • “—and some feminists say it’s her own fault for living with him, and she hides her dark red velvet wounds from pride, the pride of the victim, the pride of the victim at not being the perpetrator, the pride of the victim at not knowing how to withhold love.― Robin Morgan, Death Benefits: Poems
  • “She wanted to thank Bhima for her kindness, wanted to explain to her how hot and wonderful life felt when it trickled back into one’s veins, wanted to tell her about how cold her heart had felt after this last encounter with Feroz and how Bhima had warmed it again, as if she had held her cold, gray heart between her brown hands and rubbed it until the blood came rushing into it. But a net of shyness fell over Sera as Bhima looked up from the dishes and at her. She had long accepted that Bhima was the only person who knew that Feroz’s fists occasionally flew like black vultures over the desert of her body, that Bhima knew more about the strangeness of her marriage than any friend or family member. But now, Sera felt as if Bhima had an eyeglass into her soul, that she had somehow penetrated her body deeper than Feroz ever had. “Better?” Bhima asked unsmiling.”― Thrity Umrigar, The Space Between Us
  • “do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you― Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
  • “Of pain you could wish only one thing: that it should stop. Nothing in the world was so bad as physical pain. In the face of pain there are no heroes.― George Orwell, 1984
  • “Don’t judge yourself by what others did to you.”― C. Kennedy, Ómorphi
  • “Often it isn’t the initiating trauma that creates seemingly insurmountable pain, but the lack of support after.― S. Kelley Harrell, Gift of the Dreamtime – Reader’s Companion
  • “You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone.― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children
  • “Shouldn’t there be more distaste in our mouths for the abusers than for those who continue to love the abusers?― Colleen Hoover, It Ends with Us
  • “Nobody has ever killed themselves over a broken arm. But every day, thousands of people kill themselves because of a broken heart. Why? Because emotional pain hurts much worse than physical pain.― Oliver Markus Malloy, Bad Choices Make Good Stories (Omnibus): How The Great American Opioid Epidemic of The 21st Century Began – a Memoir
  • “Dissociation gets you through a brutal experience, letting your basic survival skills operate unimpeded…Your ability to survive is enhanced as the ability to feel is diminished…All feeling are blocked; you ‘go away.’ You are disconnected from the act, the perpetrator & yourself…Viewing the scene from up above or some other out-of-body perspective is common among sexual abuse survivors.― Renee Fredrickson, Repressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse
  • “She’s terrified that all these sensations and images are coming out of her — but I think she’s even more terrified to find out why.” Carla’s description was typical of survivors of chronic childhood abuse. Almost always, they deny or minimize the abusive memories. They have to: it’s too painful to believe that their parents would do such a thing.― David L. Calof
  • “Memories demand attention, and these memories will have teeth.― C. Kennedy, Slaying Isidore’s Dragons
  • “You can recognize survivors by their creativity. In soulful, insightful, gentle, and nurturing creations, they often express the inner beauty they brought out of childhood storms.”― Jeanne McElvaney, Childhood Abuse: Tips to Change Child Abuse Effects
  • “One of the best ways of repressing emotions is artificial certainty.”― Stefan Molyneux
  • “You’re too sensitive’ victims of sexual abuse are told over and over by those whose reality depends on being insensitive. Most adults who have been in the victim role cringe when anyone tells them they are sensitive. In fact, sensitivity is a lovely trait and one to be cherished in any human being.”― Renee Fredrickson, Repressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse
  • “The damage and invisible scars of emotional abuse are very difficult to heal, because memories are imprinted on our minds and hearts and it takes time to be restored. Imprints of past traumas do not mean a person cannot change their future beliefs and behaviors. as people, we do not easily forget. However, as we heal, grieve, and let go, we become clear-minded and focused to live restore and emotionally healthy.”― Dee Brown, Breaking Passive-Aggressive Cycles
  • “Survivors who don’t stand up for themselves often develop physical and emotional illnesses. Many become depressed because they feel so hopeless and helpless about being able to change their lives. They turn their anger inward and become prone to headaches, muscle tension, nervous conditions and insomnia.”― Beverly Engel, The Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused — And Start Standing Up for Yourself
  • “Abusive relationships exist because they provide enough rations of warmth, laughter, and affection to clutch onto like a security blanket in the heap of degradation. The good times are the initial euphoria that keeps addicts draining their wallets for toxic substances to inject into their veins. Scraps of love are food for an abusive relationship.”― Maggie Young
  • “It is a rare person who can cut himself off from mediate and immediate relations with others for long spaces of time without undergoing a deterioration in personality.”― Harry Stack Sullivan, The Interpersonal Theory of Psychiatry
  • “The human need to be visible is countered by the need to be invisible to avoid further abuse, and the need for intimacy and the dread of abuse, all pose insoluble dichotomies which promote further withdrawal from human contact, which reinforces the sense of dehumanisation.”― Christiane Sanderson, Introduction to Counselling Survivors of Interpersonal Trauma
  • “Instead of saying, “I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues” say “I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.”― Horacio Jones
  • “Survivors of abuse show us the strength of their personal spirit every time they smile.”― Jeanne McElvaney, Healing Insights: Effects of Abuse for Adults Abused as Children
  • “Deep connection is the antidote to madness.”― Stefan Molyneux
  • “when traumatic events are of human design, those who bear witness are caught in the conflict between victim and perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear, and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement and remembering.”― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
  • “In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator.”― Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence – From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
  • “It is strange… the reasons one feels he doesn’t deserve things.”― C. Kennedy, Slaying Isidore’s Dragons
  • “Sometimes we self-sabotage just when things seem to be going smoothly. Perhaps this is a way to express our fear about whether it is okay for us to have a better life. We are bound to feel anxious as we leave behind old notions of our unworthiness. The challenge is not to be fearless, but to develop strategies of acknowledging our fears and finding out how we can allay them.”― Maureen Brady, Beyond Survival: A Writing Journey for Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse
  • “Many survivors struggle to believe the abuse happened. They don’t want to believe it. It’s too painful to think about. They don’t want to accuse family members or face the terrible loss involved in realizing “a loved one” hurt them; they don’t want to rock the boat.”― Laura Davis, Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love Is a Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse
  • “Like revenge, the fantasy of forgiveness often becomes a cruel torture, because it remains out of reach for most ordinary human beings. Folk wisdom recognizes that to forgive is divine. And even divine forgiveness, in most religious systems, is not unconditional. True forgiveness cannot be granted until the perpetrator has sought and earned it through confession, repentance, and restitution.”― Judith Lewis Herman
  • “In order to believe clients’ accounts of trauma, you need to suspend any pre-conceived notions that you have about what is possible and impossible in human experience. As simple as they may sound, it may be difficult to do so.”― Aphrodite Matsakis, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • “Psychological and emotional wellness is an ongoing process for everyone.”― C. Kennedy, Ómorphi
  • “About the expression “Hurt people, hurt people”.. Hurt people are not going to stop HURTING other people until they receive the memo that it is WRONG, (or if there are actual consequences for their behaviour.) Feeling sorry for them and understanding where they ‘came from’ is not helping to stop the cycle of abuse.”― Darlene Ouimet
  • “Several psychologists (L. Armstrong, 1994; Enns, McNeilly, Corkery, & Gilbert, 1995; Herman, 1992; McFarlane & van der Kolk, 1996; Pope & Brown, 1996) contend that the controversy of delayed recall for traumatic events is likely to be influenced by sexism. Kristiansen, Gareau, Mittleholt, DeCourville, and Hovdestad (1995) found that people who were more authoritarian and who had less favorable attitudes toward women were less likely to believe in the veracity of women’s recovered memories for sexual abuse. Those who challenged the truthfulness of recovered memories were more likely to endorse negative statements about women, including the idea that battered women enjoy being abused. McFarlane and van der Kolk (1996) have noted that delayed recall in male combat veterans reported by Myers (1940) and Kardiner (1941) did not generate controversy, whereas delayed recall in female survivors of intrafamilial child sexual abuse has provoked considerable debate.”― Rachel E. Goldsmith
  • “If the abuser is a parent or caretaker, the abuse may be the most attention the child has had from that person. To the child, withholding attention can be a powerful form of coercion. Sexual molestation may be accompanied by physical expressions of affection that are sometimes the only affection the child receives.”― Rick Moskovitz, Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder
  • “Sexual abuse is also a secret crime, one that usually has no witness. Shame and secrecy keep a child from talking to siblings about the abuse, even if all the children in a family are being sexually assaulted. In contrast, if a child is physically or emotionally abused, the abuse is likely to occur in front of the other children in the family, at least some of the time. The physical and emotional abuse becomes part of the family’s explicit history. Sexual abuse does not.”― Renee Fredrickson, Repressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse
  • “He was a pitiful thing. He had always been a pitiful thing. Why had she never seen that before? There was a hollow place inside her where her fear had been.”― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
  • “Based on what I’d seen in our short time with Rodney, I learned two lessons: secrets are good, and he should never be upset, no matter what. My mission in life was to protect Paul and my mom, so I had to make sure he was as happy as possible.”― Stevie Weber, Trained to Please: & other childhood baggage
  • “Walking away from someone you love is not an immoral thing. If that person isn’t good for your wellbeing in any way, it’s important to step away from that relationship.”― Arien Smith
  • “Dear Liar, I’ve collected evidence from my family, friends, and even online. It proves that I’m not what you told others I was. I’m not crazy. I’m not alone. I’m not unloved. I’m not useless. I’m not stupid. In fact, I’m intelligent. I’m beautiful. I’m useful. I’m loved. I am not alone.”― Mitta Xinindlu
  • “Girl A,’ she said. ‘The girl who escaped. If anybody was going to make it, it was going to be you.”― Abigail Dean, Girl A
  • “Nobody had warned her of this as a girl, when they carried on over her beautiful light complexion – how easily her skin would wear the mark of an angry man.”― Brit Bennett, The Vanishing Half
  • “There are people whose whole life is a punishment. Kids who literally don’t know the difference between right and wrong, people who ‘know not what they do,’ to quote the Master.”― Patry Francis, The Liar’s Diary
  • “Everything I did was fake, an act, not because I was naturally or deliberately deceitful, but as a result of the years of abuse and rape. I had not been able to form my own personality or identity, and, because my childhood had been cruelly taken from me, I didn’t know how I should react to certain situations, especially those where someone was showing me genuine kindness. I always believed that there would be some price to pay or a sexual act to be commited.”― Paul Mason, The Cupboard Under the Stairs: A Boy Trapped in Hell.
  • “The abuse experience might have made her suspicious of anyone wanting to help and support her. Her abusive partner probably twisted the concept of trust in such a way as to shatter her willingness to trust others. It might be hard for her to fathom that an anchor has no agenda except to care about her. However, it is the very process of learning to trust her anchor which can help an abused woman. Through that relationship she can be reminded what real trust is, who is trustworthy, and how to trust someone again or for the first time.”― Susan Brewster, To Be an Anchor in the Storm
  • “My experience with Red taught me how easy it can be for young women to fall into cycles of abuse-even confident, successful, strong young women. My abusive relationship became my own addiction. I was addicted to the intense highs and lows to the intimacy you share with the one other person who knows just how bad things have gotten. And when you love the person abusing you, you have in-depth knowledge of the pain and brokenness that leads them to treat you in a damaging way. How will they ever heal, you think, if I leave?”― Brittany K. Barnett, A Knock at Midnight: A Story of Hope, Justice, and Freedom
  • “As Abby began to trust Justine more, the lack of trust she had for her husband became more apparent and uncomfortable for her. As she attempted to discuss these concerns with her husband his abuse of her worsened. At the same time, her trust in her cousin was strengthening. When Abby decided to leave her husband, seeing little chance for change in their relationship, Justine was the first person she called for help.”― Susan Brewster, To Be an Anchor in the Storm
  • “The old man reached behind his head and unlatched his necklace . . . and retrieved the solid gold Star of David pendant attached to it. Max handed the pendent to his grandson.”― Mark M. Bello, L’DOR V’DOR: From Generation to Generation
  • “When a bird is released from its cage, it flies away and never returns.
  • Like a bird, fly away to power and freedom.”― Michael Bassey Johnson, The Book of Maxims, Poems and Anecdotes
  • “Over the years, I had come to understand many things, but one was the clearest of all: you can survive anything if only you have one true friend.”― Meara O’Hara, The Wanderess and her Suitcase
  • “My pain has always deserved a voice and I will not deny it that, but I won’t devote my life to it either.”― Trista Mateer, Aphrodite Made Me Do It
  • “This is what I know of pride. I know that it keeps the secrets of cruel men. I know that it holds us in the shadows, because we are too proud to admit we need help. I know that pride values a man’s reputation over a woman’s life. It calls her selfish for speaking up, even when she speaks the truth. Especially then.”― Kyrie McCauley, If These Wings Could Fly
  • “Lonely is when you’re being abused and, sadly, no-one believes you because you’re a ‘strong’ woman.”― Mitta Xinindlu
  • “I had no fight left in me. Mentally and physically, I was drained. So, for now, Jack had won. I was an empty shell. I avoided conflict or discussion.”― Paul Mason, The Cupboard Under the Stairs: A Boy Trapped in Hell…
  • “I was never taught how to love, the meaning of love, the value of trust, friendships and relationships or family values. Instead, I was taught not to trust or confide in others, since they wouldn’t believe anything I said, and that evverything in life came at a cost, even love and compassion.”― Paul Mason, The Cupboard Under the Stairs: A Boy Trapped in Hell…
  • “They depend Soullessly on our silence..”― Elliot
  • “The more voices, the better!”― Michelle Barry
  • “I am a woman who can say I am enough and I am worthy. I found myself by helping others in the midst of my own pain. We can only give ourselves over to Him without borders, and without holding back, just like I am each day asking Him for direction and for strength. When I look at the women in the Bible, Tamar seduced her husband’s father and got pregnant with his child, Rehab was a prostitute, Bathsheba cheated on her husband and had a child by David and Mary Magdalene was an adulterous woman, yet Jesus looked into their souls and gave them a powerful story, that still today can be an example to us all. ”― Chimnese Davids, Redeeming Soul
  • “This is what I know of pride. I know that it keeps the secrets of cruel men. I know that it holds us in the shadows, because we are too proud to admit we need help. I know that pride values a men’s reputation over a woman’s life. It calls her selfish for speaking up, even when she speaks the truth. then.”― Kyrie McCauley, If These Wings Could Fly
  • “It’s difficult to describe how terrible and disgusting being rasped can make you feel. The vulnerability, guilt, fear, lack of self-esteem and confidence are feelings that merge with the recollections of what happened. The shame I felt could never be recounted in words. It was absolute devastation, and no amount of talk, help or counselling will ever eradicate the feeling of self-disgust.”― Paul Mason, The Cupboard Under the Stairs: A Boy Trapped in Hell…
  • “The skin on her upper arms prickled like it’d done so many times back in Jeddah, a sign to be careful.”― Louise Burfitt-Dons, The Missing Activist
  • “Maybe I needed that somebody else could cry over my pain, to become able to cry over it myself. Nobody ever cried or was moved when I suffered as a child. (Lisa)”― Giovanni Liotti
  • “It gave their families at home great comfort to see them chatting, looking radiant, doing well. ‘We are fine, mothers. Look how happy we are, now we free from our bad bosses.”― Louise Burfitt-Dons, The Missing Activist
  • “You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.” ― John Mark Green
  • “no recovery from trauma is possible without attending to issues of safety, care for the self, reparative connections to other human beings, and a renewed faith in the universe. The therapist’s job is not just to be a witness to this process but to teach the patient how.”― Janina Fisher
  • “We can’t start over again, and it wouldn’t “be perfect” if we could. We can only continue.”― Theodore Isaac Rubin, Compassion and Self Hate: An Alternative to Despair
  • “Passive Aggression – Being covertly spiteful with the intent of inflicting mental pain.”― Ashta-Deb, Life Happens to Us: A True Story
  • “The days of my youth can be described as my innocence hitting every obstacle along the way while plummeting into the abyss.”― Oliver Oyanadel, 4 Parables
  • “In a state of grace with myself, I do not abandon myself when the going gets tough or should others find me antithetical in any way in their frames of reference. Loyalty means care and kindness at all times, and particularly when they are needed to reduce the pain of difficult times. I never, absolutely never, side with anyone who is against my welfare. I aid nobody who detracts from my dignity, who makes me feel less than human either through subhuman onslaughts or superhuman demands. I fight or avoid people whose effect is ultimately destructive to my validity as a person, or who in any way dilute my ability to take myself seriously.”― Theodore Isaac Rubin
  • “If all of human knowledge is like a library that we can borrow from or add to, then when men don’t put these kinds of stories [(their abuse from others)] on the shelves, nobody can borrow them–we all miss out.”― Oliver Thorn
  • “Maggie, tou made it possible -but not probably for me to be the man I am now.”― Damian Barr, Maggie & Me
  • “Mary the Canary lives in a cloud of perfume and colours. She’s an auxiliary nurse by day and a country and western singer by night: bed pans and power ballass. She’s so glamorous she makes Mrs Hart look plain. She is the other woman and I’m bring trained to hate her even though I’ve never met her.” ― Damian Barr, Maggie & Me
  • “The second time I try to kill a man I’m fourteen. Killing a man seems a very grown-up thing to do – like writing in Biro.”― Damian Barr, Maggie & Me
  • “Finally, I found that as a result of my abusive childhood I had developed the ability to deny my feeling, intuitive self. As a child this ability kept me alive. I was powerless, small & inexperienced. It was critical that I behave according to expectations–that I not resist my father’s violence, that I cast my eyes downward in a posture of guilt, & that I accept my elders’ view of reality…My childhood patterns fed into the mounting abuse–it did NOT cause it. This pattern does not make me responsible for Amy’s violent & abusive behavior.” ― Kerry Lobel
  • “The internal system of an abuse victim differs from the non-abuse system with regard to the consistent absence of the effective leadership, the extreme rules under which the parts function, and the absenve of any consistent balance or harmony. Typically, the parts operate around outdated assumptions and beliefs derived from the childhood abuse, believing, for example, that it is still extremely dangerous to reveal secrets about childhood experiences which were endured.”― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
  • “DID survivors are failed twice: once at the initial point of their abuse/trauma and again when the system fails to acknowledge their needs, even doubting their diagnosis if they have been fortunate enough to obtain one. This cannot be right in the twenty-first century.”― Joan Coleman
  • “Memory implies that there is some static time and place you can go back to, whereas if you relive it by trying to put yourself back in that context, its more nuanced, less black and white. More traumatic, but also more exciting. When I knew I had to write about things that would be painful, I put off doing it for ages. But then eventually the fear of not doing it becomes greater than the fear of doing it.”― Damian Barr, Maggie & Me
  • “It doesn’t matter how rich or poor a person is, what gender or social class, or how much fame or education she possesses. Verbal, mental, and physical abuse can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter what a woman’s ethnicity is because the only distinguishing color of abuse is black-and-blue.”― La Toya Jackson, Starting Over
  • “Take Soul Care Actions to help you identify the beliefs and habits you want to keep, release, and establish to achieve your vision of success”― Leonie H. Mattison, BESIDE STILL WATERS: Finding Rest, Refreshment, and Restoration for Your Soul: A 21-Day Devotional for Survivors of Abuse
  • “Based on our own experiences, we know that despite the many challenges DID brings, with the right understanding, help, and treatment, all DID survivors can have a better future. So surely having to fight constantly for recognition, for understanding, and for funding to access the right care and treatment is utterly wrong.”― Joan Coleman
  • “If a woman, teen, or girl says No, Stop, I Changed My Mind, I Can’t do This, or I’m Just Not Ready… Believe Her! No, she doesn’t REALLY want it. No, she’s NOT playing hard to get. No, she’s NOT just a tease. No, she didn’t ASK for it. Sexual violence is NOT okay no matter how much you try to rationalize it. Don’t be a predator! Have some self-control and RESPECT her decision. Forcing yourself on a person is sexual assault, period!”― Stephanie Lahart
  • “We cry as loud as we can, hoping Mum will stop him or the neighbors will hear us and come round and tell him off or have him sent to prison. But no one interferes once you’ve shut the front door of your home. The house next door could be in a different country for all they care.”― Viv Albertine, Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys
  • “Yes, we forgive you, Daddy!’ we chorus. We have to forgive him, we’ve got to see him every day, life’s going to be even more uncomfortable if we don’t forgive him; it’s a matter of survival. We just want everything to be all right, or seem to be all right.”― Viv Albertine, Clothes, Clothes, Clothes. Music, Music, Music. Boys, Boys, Boys
  • “Look, see: the universe does nothing. Victim or monster, there is no one to help. God is dead. We should have tried to do our best without him.”― Cliff James, Life As A Kite
  • “I want to watch you walk through the world before you leave it and if you stumble I’ll rush forward to catch you. I like to think I’d show you the kindness you never showed me. I’d like you to owe me a favour. I want to show you that I did it. I want you to be proud of me.”― Damian Barr, Maggie & Me
  • “As if you’re a shadow on the wall attached to the horror. Your pain is the ghost of the smack you witnessed, but it’s still pain. Just a different type of pain. Your body may not be cut or bruised, but your soul is ripped apart all the same.”― Katie McGarry, Only a Breath Apart
  • “Pain expanded my heart.”― Terese Marie Mailhot, Heart Berries
  • “She listens at doors and around corners. She has always had this habit. A child in danger must learn to pay more attention to the adults than a child loved and cherished.”― Naomi Alderman, The Power
  • “When you feel at sea in an abyss of emotions, reconnecting to the beauty of your soul can be difficult, but it is never impossible.”― Lorraine Nilon, Breaking Free From the Chains of Silence: A respectful exploration into the ramifications of Paedophilic abuse
  • “If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, the fucker will jump right back out. It knows it’s wrong, it hurts, it will kill him. But if you put him in a pot and slowly raise it up to boiling, he’ll stay. That’s what abuse is like. You might not even notice it’s happening at first. You’d brush it off as him having a bad day, you pissing him off. But then it starts getting worse in small ways until you’re in so deep and you’re so hot and your skin is peeling and you don’t know if you even remember you can jump anymore. That doesn’t make you weak. You got out of that shit, baby. That makes you stronger, a lot stronger, I think, than you even realize.”― Jessica Gadziala, Shane
  • “Shame plays a huge part in why you hate who you are.”― Angel Ploetner, Who Am I? Dissociative Identity Disorder Survivor
  • “My story can unchain someone else’s prison.”― Patricia Dsouza
  • “Once the individual has learned to dissociate in the context of trauma, he or she may subsequently transfer this response to other situations and it may be repeated thereafter arbitrarily in a wide variety of circumstances. The dissociation therefore “destabilizes adaptation and becomes pathological.”[6] It is important for the psychiatrist to accurately diagnose DDs and also to place the symptoms in perspective with regard to trauma history.”― Julie P. Gentile
  • “Life on earth has sharp teeth.”― Lecrae Moore, Unashamed
  • “SPEAK TO THE CHILD WITHIN YOU: Tell the child within you, the one that has remained buried that the “adult” in you is positively safe and sound. Start treating the damaged “you” just the way you would have wished to be handled when you were a child.”― Patricia Dsouza, When Roses are Crushed

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

Other words of encouragement you may be interested in

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You can read more about the psychology behind encouragement here.

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