Why you shouldn’t look for love (5 Reasons)

In this article, we will explain why you shouldn’t look for love. We address issues such as: Where do we find love? What is a perfect couple? How do we make the right decision when it comes to love?

Want to know why you shouldn’t look for love?

You shouldn’t look for love like a desperate person, hungry for feelings that you don’t know what sacrifices require. Do not think that love is just milk and honey and do not imagine that in a true relationship there are no failures, problems, tears and disappointments. 

Do not think that in love one does not deceive or lie. Sure! It happens. And all this happens for a purpose. It strengthens or unbalances us. 

Everything is built as you start in a relationship, as you build your achievements but also your shortcomings, as you love and, you know how to respond to the one next to you, so your relationship is formed. Don’t look for love! Don’t run and don’t get tired. Learn ways to stop looking for love and let it find you.

You find true love by chance and when you least expect it. True love takes you by surprise, and it slowly prepares you. It teaches you to survive, to resist trials, torments and storms. Don’t waste your energy for anything and don’t bother. 

In true love, you will have much to face, and the path between the two will never be separate, but just the same. There will be no separate problems or sufferings. You will eat from the same bowl and shed tears from the same evil. 

True love, in which two halves unite, does not form the whole at once! The whole is built, each particle uniting with time, with years and days, with tears and smiles, with beautiful words, but also with ugly ones. 

In a true relationship only the strong resist! Only those who understand, deepen and want to be part of a family. Only those who, although they were wrong, lied, deceived, spoke badly, in the end, they want to repair, to be part of a whole, to unite and to give up all that is evil for the good. For the benefit of true love, which some even desperately seek. Only the conscious can unite and build.

Love remains the most beautiful feeling on earth. Before love and happiness, because it fulfils them all: Attachment, gratitude, self-recognition, discovery, understanding, wisdom, pain, toil and reward. True love builds you, forms certain senses, changes you and thanks to you.

Don’t look for true love! And before you find it, please understand! Every clear sky will at some point be full of clouds, and every flower withers. Take care! Because where there are clouds, you have to bring the sun, and where it starts to dry you have to water. Always. Without stopping. Where it hurts, you have to love!

You must understand, not everyone can tell the truth, just as true love cannot be loved by anyone. We all manage to fall in love, but few manage to move on to the next level. No detours, no problems, no fear and most of all, no barriers. The true one is especially resistant to time, and the false one is lost through it, it is alienated, the construction becoming too heavy.

Are you disappointed that you didn’t find your love? Do you seem to choose only the wrong partners? Do you feel unlucky or do you think you don’t deserve more? Certainly not looking for the right place.

When there are too many choices… 

Of course, it would have been nice if there were specially designed spaces where we could find the right partners. Eventually, we have more options to choose from, although studies say that people when they have more than two options, do not know what to choose.

Maybe that’s why we have a favourite “brand”. Because in this way, we at least narrow the field of choices and decisions in certain sectors of life.

In the love sector, however, you may have come to tell yourself that you can’t find what you want, that you only have inappropriate relationships or that you are unlucky. More or less, you may have come to believe that you do not deserve more. And here is the answer to your dilemma: Do you know what you deserve?

A couple more than perfect

We try to get used to the concept of perfection as unhealthy, especially in interpersonal relationships. We have flaws and shortcomings, annoying behaviours for those around us or unhealthy habits.

We already know that we are not perfect, but even so, when it comes to the other, we are looking for perfection. Even when we are looking for someone who is compatible with our shortcomings, and their shortcomings are similar, we are looking for “perfection”. The coupling.

We are looking for a recipe more than a real person to take the time to discover. And the haste with which we choose relationships – which, in the end, prove unsatisfactory and disappointing – is due to that deeply human and natural desire for love. Why can’t we find it?

Where do we find love?

Often, the answer to this question comes as a disappointment. And when this happens, the validity of this answer is all the more certain: love is within you, not with the other.

To be loved, you must know how to love yourself. And if you imagined that hot and relaxing baths, time at the SPA or massage parlour, shopping or makeup are enough signs that you love yourself, you are wrong.

You love yourself when you know how to respond to your needs that you know very well.  You know how to be good on your own and not look for someone to compliment you. You know that personal development is not a current that psychologists talk about, but an immeasurable help that you can offer yourself.

When you understand and learn to love yourself, only then you will have more chances in relationships with others. When was the last time you showed kindness towards yourself?

When did you decide to give up your troubled past to live here and now, to enjoy what you have, without regrets for what you don’t have (yet)? When was the last time you forgave yourself?

It would not be bad if you started some simple exercises with yourself, such as writing in a diary, daily, some things for which you are grateful and some qualities you have.

It would be useful to read more psychology or simply literature. You leave the house more often to meet friends or simply to enjoy a day of walking.

Pay attention to those around you, to the landscape, change your routine. Give yourself more time and more attention. Periodically ask yourself what you would like to do, try, practice or simply change in your life.

Happiness depends on you, and self-love is part of the equation. Don’t look for love elsewhere until you find it in you.

How do we choose in love? 

Oh, how complicated it can sometimes be to make decisions in love! You don’t know what’s best for you and you worry for days. And do you make the right choice with your heart or rationally?

It is said that it is advisable to listen to your intuition, and we women know that this secret armament never seems to fail! Do your best to establish peace between mind and heart, i.e. to reach a balance, which allows you to choose lucidly, knowingly, weighing all the options.

If you feel that your emotions are acting like a roller coaster and you feel like you’re being swept away, make a list of pros and cons, then read it quietly. You will see how certain emotions seem to disappear on their own and you become more focused on the subject.

Another shorter and faster option is to toss the coin. Each side of it is an option of choice. Throw the coin as high as possible, and as it descends to the ground, pay attention to yourself and what you would like to get out…

A summary of why you shouldn’t look for love

Don’t spend time looking for someone to sleep with, find someone worth waking up with” -Anonymous.

You shouldn’t look for love because you don’t know when the ideal person can appear. Maybe that day is today or the next week, maybe you should wait a few more years. But the wait is worth it because when it comes it will be a perfect time. Just don’t get obsessed because it’s not about a career.

You shouldn’t look for love because if you are honest with yourself you will be able to take advantage of your single time to be the best version of yourself. 

Wouldn’t you like to offer your best to the right person at the right time? Stop thinking you have no partner and enjoy your time alone. Thus, when the right person arrives you can fully enjoy it, without feeling that you were left without experiencing something.

If you have any questions, comments or thoughts to share with us, please let us know!

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

FAQ on Why you shouldn’t look for love

Is searching for love bad?

Searching for love can be bad, as this will become your main focus, instead of on focusing on your own needs and wellbeing. You find true love by chance and when you least expect it. True love takes you by surprise, and it slowly prepares you. It teaches you to survive, to resist trials, torments and storms. Don’t waste your energy for anything and don’t bother. 

Why shouldn’t you look for a relationship?

You shouldn’t look for a relationship because you don’t know when the ideal person can appear. Maybe that day is today or the next week, maybe you should wait a few more years. But the wait is worth it because when it comes it will be a perfect time. 

Should I search for love or wait?

You shouldn’t either search or wait for love. Pay attention to those around you, to the landscape, change your routine. Give yourself more time and more attention. Periodically ask yourself what you would like to do, try, practice or simply change in your life. And love will find you.

How do I stop being desperate for love?

To stop being desperate for love, you need to start loving yourself more. The despair for somebody else’s love is usually a sign that we do not appreciate ourselves enough, that we do not see the good in ourselves, that we do not believe we deserve the best partner. 

Why are people so desperate for love?

People are desperate for love for various reasons. Some people are afraid of being lonely, they do not know how not to be in a relationship. But most of the time, people are desperate for love because they have an inner void that they’d rather have filled with external love than actually making the effort of living themselves. 

Further reading 

How to Find Love (Essay Books), by The School of Life

He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It, Andrea Syrtash 

I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies…: How to Find Love & Sh*t Like That, by Betches 

Own Life: How to Show Up with Confidence and Take Control of the Future, by Todd Eden 

How to Win Friends and Influence People,  by Dale Carnegie 

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References

Lifehack.org – Why You Only Find Love When You Stop Looking For It

Greatist.com -How to Stop Feeling Desperate When You’re Single

Tinybuddha.com – Love Shows Up When You Do

Medium.com – Do You Find Love or Does Love Find You?

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