Why is your partner assuming the worst of you?

Has your partner been assuming the worst of you of late? This could not only affect the way you feel about your partner but it could also make you resentful towards your partner. It might bring up trust issues which could force you to grow distant , or keep a wall between you and your partner. 

In this article we would be understanding what are the causes for such behaviour and how can one help get out of this situation. If there is a way to change it at all. 

Here are the points we would try to understand : 

• Why is your partner assuming the worst of you? 
• What can help in this situation? 
• Red flags in the relationship

Why is your partner assuming the worst of you?

Your partner could be assuming the worst about you for the following reasons:

•  They have low self-esteem
• They cannot trust anyone 
• They jump to conclusions
• They have been hurt in the past 
• They are disrespectful 

They have low self-esteem

It’s a great big possibility that your partner has been dealing with low-self esteem for a while now. You might be wondering how self-esteem is related to the topic we are currently speaking of. 

What happens is that, when people tend to have a damaged self image, or a low self-esteem, they don’t believe they are worthy of positive things such as love and affection. Especially if they’ve had a life where all they’ve gone through are tough situations and difficult scenarios, it might be difficult for them to accept that something good has come their way. 

They might tend to question everything good you do for them. They might not relate to it, as well because it’s too good to be true. In some cases they probably can’t even see the good side of things. 

On the other hand even with the smallest issue or fight, they might end up assuming the worst of you. This is probably because they don’t feel like they are worth your love. That they’re difficult to be with, and this was bound to happen to them. 

This is a common thinking for someone who thinks poorly of themselves and who have also been treated the same way. 

They cannot trust anyone

They’re probably having difficulty trusting you. This happens when they’ve either come from an abusive relationship, or if they’ve cheated on in the past

Most people who go through such events are left traumatised in life. They live their lives not knowing or acknowledging the damage that was done to them. They might be over those relationships but that doesn’t mean they’ve healed from them.

Healing from such things is a whole different ball game. It might even require the efforts of a therapist as well. If they’ve always had to be vigilant in their past relationship just to protect themselves, then that’s why they keep assuming that you’ve either done something horrible or that you’re going to. 

That way they wouldn’t be caught off guard. 

They jump to conclusions

We sometimes have maladaptive ways of thinking that affect our behaviour and perspective. One such thing is ” jumping to conclusions.” 

Your partner could be jumping to conclusions with every small thing that you do. This kind of thinking is faulty, but they might not even be aware of what they’re doing. This again develops over time and it’s not exactly something that a person does intentionally. 

Another one is catastrophizing the situation. Even if the issue in front of them isn’t as big, they might feel like it’s huge and they probably always end up looking at it as a catastrophe.  This causes them to react the same way as well. 

Usually a counselor who specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy can help with this. 

They have been hurt in the past 

It’s a great big possibility that nobody has treated your partner with the love that you are giving them. Sometimes when people come from being treated badly , to a completely new environment it can be confusing for them. 

They could act out in the way that they are. This doesn’t mean they think of you in such a negative light. They probably need some time to believe that good things can happen to them as well. 

They are being disrespectful

They are being disrespectful of  you and even your relationship. It could simply mean that your partner isn’t appreciative of the things you do for them. 

They probably don’t think very highly of you and this is showing in their current behaviour. This happens when an individual has a very high ego and it takes them a lot to even think of someone and especially their partners. 

If you think they’re just being blatantly disrespectful by always assuming the worst, then let them know that you won’t stand for it. 

What can help in this situation?

In such a situation the best thing would be counselling.  It’s better to have a seasoned professional to help you navigate through this sticky situation. They might be able to identify and read between the lines. This could also prove to be beneficial because it can give the two of you all the time to mend your relationship. 

Once the responsibility of understanding what’s wrong is shared with a professional, it can make it seem much more simpler and also in control. If you aren’t ready for counselling then you can have a conversation with your partner. 

They might have genuine concerns that are causing them to act in such a way. Find out if there are and try to understand what’s making them think this way. 

You can also reassure them. It won’t help to think that you can’t be reassuring them because sometimes it is important to do so. After this you can also understand if they are genuinely working on the issue or not. 

Red flags in the relationship

Sometimes your partner might turn around and gaslight you, they might say that you are the one who is at fault. This is a big red flag as it shows that they are disregarding the way you feel. 

Red flags in the relationship can be different depending on the situations you encounter. Your partner might be assuming the worst of you especially when you have guests over or are surrounded by family.

They are actively letting you and the relationship down when they do such a thing. This is again a big red flag as they’re being disrespectful and insensitive about your feelings.

At any point if you feel like you’ve tried enough and your partner refuses to change, then it’s better to move on. 

Conclusion

If your partner is always assuming the worst of you, it can begin to get very painful to be in such a relationship. This is why it’s important to ascertain the reason behind such behaviour. Try to understand why your partner is acting this way. If you feel like their reasons are genuine then you can decide to work on it together. And during this time you can support your partner, however if it isn’t, and it’s disrespectful towards you then it would be best to prioritise yourself. 

If you have any questions or queries please drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs- my partner always assumes the worst of me 

What does it mean when someone always assumes the worst?

When someone always assumes the worst it means they are jumping to conclusions or have a catastrophic way of thinking about situations. 

What is it called when someone always thinks the worst of you?

When someone always thinks the worst in you it’s called catastrophizing.  It often can be seen as exaggeration when they always think they are in a worse situation compared to what they are in. 

Why does my relationship bring out the worst in me?

Your relationship probably brings out the worst in you because your partner knows you the best and gives you the space to show this side of you as well. 

Why do we make negative assumptions? 

We make negative assumptions because we think we know the way the other person thinks as well. In that case were just projecting the way we think onto the other person. 

What do you call a person who always assumes things ? 

A person who always assumes things is called presumptuous. 

References

https://www.drwyattfisher.com/blogs/marriage-blog/developing-accurate-interpretations