Why is my partner negative about everything?
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
If your partner’s negativity is draining you, then it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship. It definitely shows that you need to take a closer look at your relationship and understand how to fix it.
In this article we will be understanding this very factor. Why is your partner negative, what can this do to a relationship, and how can you free your relationship and yourself from this situation.
The topics we’ll be covering are :
- Why is my partner negative about everything?
- How is this affecting our relationship?
- What can I do to help my relationship?
Why is my partner negative about everything?
Your partner might be negative about everything for the following reasons:
- Your partner is resentful
- Your partner has unresolved baggage in your relationship
- Your partner is burnt out
- Your partner needs a break
- Your partner has past trauma
- Your partner is feeling insecure
Your partner is resentful
Your partner might be carrying alot of resentment within them. This maybe towards your, your relationship, or something else as well.
When it is related to you or your relationship it might be difficult for your partner to directly tell you. Or it’s a possibility your partner feels the resentment but doesn’t know what exactly triggered it.
In such a situation it’s best to sit down, let your partner know that you notice what’s happening and give them the space to vent.
However if your partner is resentful due to another aspect of their life, you might be getting caught in the cross fire. This requires you to let your partner know how you’re feeling irrespective of whether they’re being too negative or not.
Your partner has unresolved baggage in the relationship
It’s a possibility your partner is still not over certain issues in the relationship. Sometimes it so happens that even if you have solved an issue, it leaves a bitter after taste that requires extra care to get over.
For some people it takes more effort to resolve this bitter after taste. If this is the situation then you’d have to engage in a counselling session. The intention is to find the source of this baggage and what’s the reason it’s been carried forward.
Your partner is burnt out
Extreme stress and overworking can lead to burn out. Burnout is a stage at which an individual might not have any hope for the future, might feel constantly drained out and stressed.
This will definitely lead them to view most things in life negatively. A danger of leaving burn out unattended is that it can often lead to depression.
Signs of burnout may include:
- Lack of motivation
- Low mood
- Negative intrusive thoughts
- Loss of interest in activities
- Sleeping most of the time
- Anxiousness
- Unhappy with most things
If you’ve noticed these signs in your partner, maybe it’s time to intervene and let them know that you’re there for them. It’s important that they feel your presence and support. If it is a little more serious, help them seek professional help to get out of it.
Your partner needs a break
A break can mean many different things. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a break from the relationship itself. Your partner might have gotten tired of the routine, might be burnt out, or just needs a break from people , social media, etc.
Either way breaks are healthy because it helps a person refocus. It gives them the room to experiment and understand where they stand in life at that point.
This kind of evaluation is important at regular intervals in life. It helps a person de-stress and feel more aligned with their life and even their relationship.
Your partner has past trauma
When people go through a traumatic event, they usually tend to suppress these memories. However they might come back later to haunt ones present.
The reason why this usually happens is because of certain triggers that an individual hasn’t identified and learnt how to deal with.
It takes time and therapy to learn these things about trauma and rectify them as well.
Your partner is feeling insecure
When people feel insecure they usually project this feeling onto the ones around them. They tend to also feel inadequate which generally leads to anger.
This could be a mixed emotional baggage that makes one feel frustrated with their life and the things it involves.
Your partner might be feeling insecure, or inadequate. It isn’t necessary that these feelings are linked to your relationship. They could be feeling this way generally due to their own lives.
How is this affecting our relationship?
When your partner is negative all the time, it can start draining you out as there will be no room for positivity and ultimately happiness.
You might feel a general sense of resentment towards your partner. This is because when someone is negative about everything in life, it can make it look like even you aren’t enough to keep them happy.
This is a heavy feeling to carry for anyone at all. It can make you feel helpless, lost and even disheartened. But more than this it can cause you to feel that your relationship isn’t enough for your partner. That they aren’t happy with you. This can lead to a break up.
It is important in such a situation to understand where your partner is coming from. And if you can fix this. Incase your partner is :
- Going through a crisis
In such a case you should be able to help your partner resolve this crisis. It’s probably just a rough patch that needs a little extra care. Once it’s over your relationship might emerge stronger.
- Experiencing trauma
In such a situation you can help your partner by first educating yourself. Make sure to understand your partner but don’t push them to speak about traumatic events. Let them know that this is a safe place where they can share anything they have.
Further, read about trauma and how to react to trauma. Keep yourself informed in such a case.
- Depressed
Negativity or intrusive thoughts are commonly seen in people who experience depression. In case your partner’s eating habits have changed, or sleeping habits, if they’re losing hope in the future and are constantly low, then it is a sign of depression.
Professional help is recommended in such a case.
These are the factors that you can stay and work on your partner with. However if your partner has a general personality, that’s negative and chooses to be that way, then it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.
Especially when anything at all is draining you out when it’s supposed to make you feel supported and loved, then it’s not a good sign.
Remember that there is give and take in a relationship. It is a partnership, but if you feel like you’re constantly giving and getting nothing in return, it can drain you out. Which is probably what’s happening when your partner is negative.
What can I do to help my relationship?
You can help your relationship by first of all understanding that it’s going to take communication and effort from both sides.
Don’t try to do all the work on your own, this is probably what you’ve been doing so far. You’ve probably been trying to keep the positivity in the relationship, this can be very draining and impractical in the long run.
- Learn to communicate your feelings and needs in a way where your partner does understand.
- Understand the core issue and make a decision together if you both would like to work on it.
- Take some time out for your relationship to refocus and find out where it all went wrong.
- Allow yourselves the space to speak to each other and share everything that you can.
- Make sure you both remember that your relationship is a safe place and try to have that environment around each other as well.
Conclusion
When your partner’s negativity is draining you, it’s time to take a closer look at the relationship and figure out what’s going wrong. This means you would have to communicate, and work hard at trying to resolve the issue. It also means you’d have to keep your needs and priorities in mind while doing so.
If you have any queries or questions please drop them in the comment section below.
FAQs- My partner’s negativity is draining me
Can your partner drain your energy?
Yes, your partner can drain your energy. An unhealthy relationship can cause you anxiety and mental health issues, this could lead to you feeling drained out. It’s very possible for your body to feel like it’s run out of energy.
What is a toxic wife?
A toxic wife is usually someone who might be contributing to a toxic marriage. This is when the marriage is in a chronic condition with ongoing unhealthy mental, emotional and physical issues that are unresolved and lead to bigger problems in the marriage.
How can negativity ruin a relationship?
Negativity can ruin your relationship by magnifying your partner’s faults. This might start from smaller faults to much larger ones that grow into bigger issues in your relationship.
Why Is dating so emotionally draining?
Dating is so emotionally draining because it is linked with your self- esteem. It is very common to feel dejected when things don’t go your way. You question yourself, everything that you’ve done and your personality to understand if there is a particular trait that puts people off.
What makes a relationship emotionally draining?
The one thing that makes relationships emotionally draining is if your partner keeps relying on you to solve their issues. This can drain you out in the long run as it isn’t healthy especially when you’re never on the receiving end.
References
https://www.bustle.com/wellness/traits-of-an-emotionally-draining-person