Why is my partner always criticizing me?
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
When your partner is always criticizing you, it can lead to self- doubt and low self-esteem. You might even start to feel worthless, undeserving of love and affection. This can really affect one’s mental health as well.
In this article we will try to understand why your partner is always criticizing you? What can be done about this and how does one handle such a situation? It will be triggering of course, but we need to stand up for ourselves.
Here are the topics that we will be going over:
- Why is my partner always criticizing me?
- How do I respond?
- When is criticism, abuse?
Why is my partner always criticizing me?
Your partner is probably criticizing you for the following reasons:
- They have insecurities
- They aren’t happy with themselves
- They are controlling you
- Your partner has come from a dysfunctional family
- They are unfulfilled in life
- They’re having regrets
- They are comparing themselves
They have insecurities
Your partner is probably feeling really insecure about themselves. They might have a set of Insecurities that they want to hide and in the process of doing so they are projecting their feelings onto you.
This is one of the most common reasons why a person faces criticism. They might also feel envious and jealous of you. You might be handling your Insecurities in a much better way, and this could cause them to point them out to you repeatedly.
In this case your partner has a lot of unresolved problems within themselves. You can be there to help them see this, and then to support them. But if it is becoming something rather toxic then they would have to seek professional help.
They aren’t happy with themselves
They are probably not happy with where they stand in life. They feel like they haven’t done much and aren’t feeling satisfied in life.
This could lead to a very negative way of thinking. Once a person starts focusing on only the negatives in their own life, they view people also in the same light. This is probably why, even when it comes to you all they can see is negative points.
They tend to become rather resentful and low in general. This could also be a sign of depression and if it’s left unattended it might even lead to depression.
They are controlling in nature
They are probably very controlling in nature. Your partner might need to always have control over the situation and in turn they use your insecurities to do the job.
By constantly highlighting your insecurities they might be gaining access to control you and what you do. They could possibly tell you that you look too fat in that outfit just to control the way you dress.
This means they are being manipulative with your feelings.
Your partner has come from a dysfunctional family
Dysfunctional families can often show that criticism is normal even when it’s constant. It can really normalise criticism and manipulation to such an extent that they might not even see what they’re doing wrong.
In this case it begins your job to really call them out and draw the line. Help them understand that this is damaging in any relationship and it cannot be seen as a form of love.
They are unfulfilled in life
They’re probably feeling like they haven’t achieved enough in life. They’re burnt out with their job and have no interest in anything else.
At this stage they might be feeling like everything they have is worthless. And that it doesn’t mean much to them. They probably aren’t able to see the good things in life.
This is something only they can work through, and if the negativity is getting to you, then you need to let them know. It will take a lot of effort and maybe even arguments but you’d have to draw that line for yourself.
They are having regrets
It’s sad, and unfortunate, but it could be a possibility that they feel they settled too soon for you. They probably are beginning to realise that you aren’t exactly their type, and they cannot communicate this to you. So instead they continue to criticize you for everything that they don’t like.
This is disrespectful to you and the effort you’ve put into the relationship. Your partner needs to be honest and straightforward when it comes to such things. And this is something you can ask for.
They are comparing themselves
Your partner is probably comparing what they have to what the people around them have. This usually causes a gap between reality and “the ideal.”
They might be feeling envious of what the people around them have. This could push them to look at you and your relationship as something that isn’t equal to ones around. This is again quite a hurtful reason.
However it is a possibility, if your partner has been comparing you with the people around, if they’ve been putting you down in these scenarios then it’s time to walk away. They will probably never be happy with what they have.
How do I respond?
When your partner is always criticizing you, it can be difficult to get over the emotions you’re feeling and effectively communicate with them. However, remember that if you delay it, you might get stuck in a toxic relationship.
One of the things you shouldn’t do is react. In the sense, try not to react with anger or frustration, this will only cause you more chaos. Instead communicate after the moment has passed. Let them know that it was not something you liked, and that you’d appreciate it if they don’t do it again.
You can also try to understand their reasons for being this way. It can be unintentionally done, they might not even be aware if they’ve come from equally dysfunctional families. In which case you can speak to them about this and let them know the available options.
Thirdly, you can choose to not deal with these criticisms. It is completely your choice if you feel it’s been getting too toxic and you’d rather leave than stay in this relationship and deal with it.
When is criticism, abuse?
Criticism is abuse when it begins to take the form of manipulation in order to control you. It is also abuse if they have been constantly using words or actions to put you down.
Once they start manipulating your feelings it does become emotional abuse and once this starts affecting your self-esteem , your confidence and the way you look at yourself, it takes the form of mental abuse.
Know that you are an individual and come what may you deserve to feel loved and appreciated. Nobody should go through this kind of abuse.
Conclusion
If your partner always criticizes you, then it’s time to draw the line, take a step back to see if this is the person you’d like to work on your relationship with. If it’s beginning to affect your mental health and your partner isn’t changing or trying to change, then it’s better to take a stand, draw the line, and only then leave.
If you have any other questions or queries , please drop them in the comment section below.
FAQs- My partner is always criticizing me
What does it mean when your partner constantly criticizes you?
When your partner constantly criticizes you it means they’re trying to break your confidence and by doing this they want to take control over you. This means they can prove to be a poor life partner.
What does it mean when someone constantly criticizes you?
When someone is constantly criticizing you , it means they don’t respect you and they’re being inconsiderate towards you. They are also trying to control your actions just because it is causing them discomfort. And by doing so they’re trying to be bullies.
Is it okay for your boyfriend to criticize you?
Yes, it is okay for your boyfriend to criticize you if his intentions mean well. Otherwise he might just be doing it to control you and that is not okay.
What do you call someone who constantly criticizes?
Someone who constantly criticizes is called an hypercritic. They tend to be excessively critical about everything.
How do I know if my partner is too critical?
Your partner is too critical if they are constantly speaking about the negatives instead of the positives. If they are always criticizing you with the intention of controlling your actions.
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