Why is my life a mess? (quick fixes and coping strategies)

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In this article, we will be answering the question: why is my life a mess?. We will also be looking at ways to effectively manage and cope up with life when it becomes a mess. 

Why is my life a mess?

All of us, at one point or the other, go through phases in life where everything seems to be out of control, and everything we do end up backfiring or causing trouble for us. This can apply to any aspect of our life including our personal affairs, career, social life, and so on. During times like these, life can be like a real, dirty mess that seems unrepairable. 

There are certain things to be kept in mind and steps you could follow ensuite to turn around things without getting unnecessarily overwhelmed. These three steps are as follows:

  • Identify the core mess. This is the first and foremost thing to be done when you see that your life is becoming a huge mess. Accept and acknowledge the fact that you are being thrown off the edge and that you need to do something about it if you need to save yourself, in good shape.

It might seem easy and manageable to get through your day by ignoring your problems and built-up anxiety. However, as days pass by, you will slowly start exhausting yourself and others around you knowingly or unknowingly. Eventually, you’ll reach the breaking point that might hit you hard and without warning. 

  • Let go of things that you cannot control. As we all know, life is unpredictable. Plans do not always work out as we wish and neither can we moan about people and things that are no longer with us or a part of our lives. 

In these situations, you can start by pausing to figure out what went wrong exactly and where can you put things on hold, to avoid making things messier.  Make a written list of everything that seems to bother you and be honest throughout the whole process. 

Once the list is made, you will know what you can control and the ones you cannot. Strike them out and there!. You have carried yourself through the first phase of sorting out your mess. 

  • Be careful not to be taken over by fantasies and distractions. Distractions can seem like a temporary solution to all your long-standing problems. But guess what?. They are bound to backlash and make your situation worse. Distractions could take any form, such as a new relationship, alcohol, drugs, gambling, or even sleeping in, instead of getting your chores done. 

Be aware of how much you depend on these distractions and idealized fantasies that could lead to far worse problems by the end. 

Why is my life a mess? (quick fixes and coping strategies)

Ways of coping

Like it or not, stress is the biggest enemy of a peaceful life. The more we stress over things, the more life seems to go out of the spiral. We humans, assume a situation to be stressful, if and when we perceive it as threatening to our physical or mental wellness. When we perceive a situation, person, or thing as challenging or threatening it activates our fight or flight response system and this, in turn, releases the hormone cortisol that causes undue stress in us. 

We deal with stress in three basic ways which are as follows:

Problem-focused coping

This type of coping focuses on the problem at hand and the solution that would best suit, for solving the problem. The threat is directly addressed by changing the problem situation. Logical reasoning and strategic planning are required in this type of coping mechanism.

Emotion-focused coping

This type of coping focuses on the emotions expereinced by us, as a consequence of the problem or the threat. The coping is aimed at making ourselves feel better and mentally balanced to deal with the threat and accept its existence. Emotional balance and awareness of our emotional defenses will help us in administering this type of coping mechanism. 

Why is my life a mess? (quick fixes and coping strategies)

Meaning-focused coping

This type of coping focuses on the approach you adopt to perceive your threat or problem. It focuses on changing the way you approach a problem and seeing it as an opportunity for your personal growth. In other words, looking for a silver lining in times of doom.

With all that is said above, there does not exist any one best way to deal with stress for anyone. What works for an individual might not work for the other. The method which helps in reducing your stress in the best manner possible is the one for you.

If you can view your problem as a challenge, it would help you to cope better with it. For instance, choosing to cook a basic and simple meal instead of eating out to tackle the problem of consumption of excessive junk food. In this case, try to challenge yourself to decide to cook your meal and be determined about it. 

Redefining your mess

When you begin to observe your life becoming a mess, the first step to follow is to identify the existence of the mess and tell yourself that it’s something that you can fix, in time. Take your time and invest energy to find out the root cause which led to the mess and start working on them, one by one. Remove unwanted distractions from your periphery and focus on the problem. 

Bear in mind the fact that you are responsible for your own life and the decisions you make. Even if you take breaks or pause for a while in between, try to be consistent and move forward with sheer determination.

Signs that show up 

Following are certain warning signs that indicate your life getting messed up and needs to be balanced.

Persistent negative attitude

You start to see the weather as always gloomy and dark, irrespective of what’s shown to you by the universe. Developing a negative or pessimistic attitude towards your problems consistently will lead to utter chaos and disappointment. 

It’s important to understand the nature and exact intensity of the problem you are facing. However, when you exaggerate your perception of the problem in the wrong ways, it causes further confusion and leads to additional problems. 

Attitude is a contagious phenomenon and it needs to be built carefully and constructively. 

Frequent burnouts

When you feel overwhelmed and anxious frequently, it indicates the starting of burnout and this can continue to bother you if you don’t take action to deal with it. Burnouts will be exhausting, mentally draining, and always keeps you on the edge.

It reduces your ability to see things clearly, and can also make you lash out for insignificant matters.

Messy surroundings and belongings

Neglecting housework, accumulating clutter and heaps of clothes, and general sloppiness is indicative of not handling your basic hygiene and surroundings. Clean surroundings and body keeps you fresh and makes you feel rejuvenated and peaceful. 

Health issues

Health issues of any kind can be harmful and lead to greater problems. Even though we lack a certain portion of control over our health, it is possible to prevent ourselves from being affected by a stress-related illness. Symptoms and signs that show up during highly stressful periods must be taken as a cautionary warning to take better care of your physical health. 

Chronic stress can harm the immune system, making the body vulnerable to infections and diseases. Headaches, upset stomach, sleep deprivation, and severe body pain are some of the examples. 

Lack of focus.

Focus is important to keep you on track and letting it afloat can pose a threat to your personal growth and well-being. Sometimes you may feel tired and exhausted to face another problem. In such instances, taking a break and revisiting your intentions and goals is a great plan. 

It is highly important to regain focus because it helps you to accomplish your goals efficiently, be present, and attract beneficial opportunities for your future. 

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Get out of your head

When life seems messy, we all tend to get lost in loops of thought concerning our self-worth, abilities, and even the purpose of our existence, at the worst times. We tend to live inside our heads than in our bodies. This can be devasting and dangerous in the long run.

Be mindful of your thought process throughout the day and pay attention to the kind of information you are feeding your mind and body from your surroundings. Listen to your inner voice that emerges while encountering any problem and see how you treat yourself.  

All of this will tell you about your attitude, mindset, and your way of perceiving life ahead. 

This process will aid you to see how you are contributing to making your own life messy and to stop it immediately.


In this article, we answered the question: why is my life a mess?. We discussed some quick tips to manage your life when it gets messy, followed by a brief review of coping mechanisms that can be used in times of need and signs and symptoms that indicate your life is getting messy. 

FAQs: Why is my life a mess?

How do I stop being such a mess?

There are several ways through which you can stop messing up yourself. They are as follows:

Stop excessive worrying
Do not give unwanted prominence to your feelings
Give a break to your inner critical voice
Be aware of how often you feel guilty and let it take over.
Listen to your intuitions and let go of people’s opinions of you.
Avoid comparing your growth with that of others. 

How do I start over?

It’s always okay to start your life all over when everything is in shambles. You can try the below-given steps for a new beginning.

Begin by cleaning up your living space and surroundings.
Be aware of your reality and do not try to build walls against it.
Make ample time for reflection and to gain insight into what went wrong.
revise, improvise, and revamp your goals and standards.
Make an action plan and try your best to stick to it.

How can I be successful when I have nothing?

Start by trying to incorporate a fusion of work and life, instead of work-life balance. This can be attained by being mindful of your habit patterns and a conscious evaluation of your strengths and weakness. Slowly make discipline a part of your daily life and see how you roll with the punches. Give prominence to your strength and work on making them better. Invest time in finding your true calling, without obsessing over it.

How do you rebuild yourself from scratch?

You can rebuild and work on yourself in the following ways:

Slow down your pace and take pauses to observe your phase of life
Keep an open mind and embrace unpredictability
Make meaningful and honest connections with people you meet.
Keep away from unnecessary controversies and judgments.
Work on your intentions and your genuine interests.
Take good care of your body and mind.
Be mindful of self-negation and depreciation of the self.
Do your own thing and compete only with your standards and limitations. 





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