Why doesn’t my partner ever apologize? 

Has your partner never apologized and this is slowly starting to frustrate you? Your partner could be a non-apologist, and might have some serious reasons for being this way as well. However, apologizing is probably one of the first things we’re taught to do, and especially in a relationship it is highly necessary to express your feelings especially when a person is in the wrong. 

In this article we will be focusing on why your partner never apologizes and what you can do to resolve this issue. 

  • Why doesn’t my partner ever apologize? 
  • How can I resolve this issue? 

Why doesn’t my partner ever apologize? 

Your partner probably doesn’t apologize for the following reasons

  • They’re gaslighting you 
  • They perceive themselves as perfectionists 
  • They don’t like taking responsibility
  • They are arrogant 

They’re gaslighting you

When people gaslight you, they turn the situation around. So in that case if they owe you an apology they might question you to such an extent that you could end up apologizing and they won’t say anything. In this way they feel like they’ve not done anything wrong and you’re the one who triggered it all. It also helps them get away with no responsibility whatsoever. 

Gaslighting is when the victim is blamed for a particular unpleasant situation but the opposite person. It especially happens in relationships, where the person who is at fault might turn it over and make it look like they are the victim themselves.

Gaslighting can be quite toxic, especially in long-term relationships, it can also be a sign of manipulation. Most of the time partners do these things in order to avoid accepting their own faults and mistakes. 

These are usually people who are unwilling to put in the effort needed for the relationship. They also are trying to shy away from the responsibility of accepting their own faults and working towards a stronger relationship. 

When someone gaslights in order to appear like the victim and gain sympathy, this shows that they are manipulative. And chances are that they not only know their own mistakes but have no intentions to change them. 

Other than all of this mentioned above there is a chance that people who do gaslight aren’t aware of this. They might not know that there’s something called gaslighting that exists. 

They might just be thinking that they’re defending themselves, or standing up for themselves. This is when they need to be taught about gaslighting and what it means. 

They perceive themselves as perfectionists

In such a case, suppose they admit to being wrong, they might feel like it affects their entire self image itself. Some people grow up with the perception that they could never make a wrong decision, or do anything wrong at all. 

So when they know that they are wrong, they look at it as a threat to how they view themselves. Their personality and their self-image as well are attached to this nature of theirs. 

They might perceive themselves as people who appear weak, or imperfect if they in fact accept any fault and apologize for it. They could have to face not only guilt, but from a larger angle they have to face shame. Shame on their own selves for letting down themselves and not living upto the right standards. 

This can be because of the harsh lifestyle they’ve lived. The way they’ve been brought up , or a sense of control that they have always sought for in their lives. People who are perfectionists tend to have a very fixed and balanced way of going about their lives. Anything that threatens this balance, including confrontation or conflict will definitely be avoided by them. 

They don’t like taking responsibility

They are not the kind that takes on responsibility. This can be right from the smallest of things, like doing the laundry , to the biggest of things like taking initiative to end the fight. 

Their lack of effort makes you question their interest in the relationship itself. But what you need to understand is that there are some people who rather let the argument end on its own instead of taking the responsibility to resolve the issue. 

They might especially feel this way when they themselves are in the wrong. They’ll probably assume that they might talk and make things worse, or this is the reason that you might get. So they rather stay away from the entire issue itself. 

They are arrogant

This generally means they have a huge ego that they constantly try to protect. Any threat or damage to this ego is met with a lot of frustration, anger, or just stone walling. 

They probably shut down and don’t give you any room to even have a decent conversation with them. A Lot of the time ego is what puts a stop to a healthy relationship. When people keep their ego higher than their connection with their own partner, it proves to be troublesome.  This obviously shows character and also is a big red flag in the relationship. 

How do I communicate effectively about this? 

You can communicate effectively about this by first understanding where you stand in this entire situation. You need to be sure about the way you feel and make sure to stand up for yourself in this regard. If you approach your partner when you yourself aren’t aware of your emotions, it wouldn’t serve the purpose. In order to be sure, try to write your feelings down. Write whatever comes to your mind , this might give you a better picture. 

After doing this you can approach your partner for a healthy conversation. When you express the way you’re feeling about their behaviour, notice if they’re listening to you and if they express the willingness to work on it. If they do, that’s a good sign. 

If in turn they try to rubbish what you’re saying, even after you’ve put in the effort to communicate effectively with them, then there’s a chance that they’re gaslighting you. 

What can we do to resolve this issue? 

Clearly explain your wants and needs from your partner and make sure they take note of this. Don’t threaten or use any sort of ultimatums and deadlines. This can make it intimidating. Try to solve this issue solely by communicating better. 

Set aside an hour in a week to check your progress. This can happen over a nice dinner or a long walk, anything that you both love to do together. 

If you feel like communicating with your partner isn’t working then it’s better to go into couples counseling. It’s also important to remember when to stand up for yourself alone and back off. If you feel like your partner isn’t apologizing due to their ego or arrogance, then it’s a red flag. 

If you’ve tried to communicate with them over and over again , and still nothing happens, then you need to understand that they might never change. 

Conclusion

When your partner never apologizes it can affect the stability of your relationship. Over time you might start to feel resentful towards your partner and also towards the way they’ve been dealing with your relationship. Small things might trigger you and this could feel like you’re the one who has a problem with everything. That’s why it’s best to speak about it, and get it out of the way before things get too complicated.

If you have any questions or queries please drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs- my partner never apologizes 

What does it mean when someone never apologizes?

When someone never apologizes it usually means they have a weak perception about themselves and a really unstable ego. We all refuse to admit we’re wrong at some point in our lives. But when a person never apologizes then that’s a red flag. 

Why do narcissists never apologize? 

Narcissists never apologize because they have a sense of superiority. That they are above everyone and this reinforces their belief. 

What is a person who never admits they’re wrong?

A person who never admits they’re wrong is what we call incorrigible. 

Why do guys apologize for not texting back? 

When guys apologize for not texting back they’re trying to show you how much they care about you, and that they’re being proactive about it as well. 

What is an insincere apology? 

An insincere apology is when someone says ” I’m sorry you feel that way.” 

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201305/5-reasons-why-some-people-will-never-say-sorry

 

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