Why doesn’t my partner appreciate me? 

If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, it can cause a lot of resentment and pain. You might feel as though you do all the work and yet you don’t get a few kind words from your partner. If this is how you’ve been feeling then it’s time to change it. In the long-run this can affect your relationship in a serious manner, and then it might be too late to save your relationship. 

In this article we will be learning why your partner doesn’t appreciate you, how you can communicate to them and how you can resolve the issue. 

Here are the topics we would be covering: 

  • Why doesn’t my partner appreciate me? 
  • How can I communicate my expectations to him? 
  • Actions speak louder than words
  • Knowing when to move on 
  • Red flags you need to look out for

Why doesn’t my partner appreciate me? 

Your partner might not be appreciating you for a varied number of reasons such as: 

  • They have lot on their plate 
  • They are not paying attention to your relationship
  • They don’t think it’s important to appreciate you 
  • You have grown distant with each other
  • You could be expecting more than you’re giving
  • They aren’t able to express themselves
  • They’ve got narcissistic traits

They have lot on their plate 

This might include work, family, social circle and so on. Your partner might be stressed or occupied with other challenges and tasks at hand. If they’ve  always appreciated you and been a positive person, but it has all stopped suddenly, this might be one of the reasons. In such a situation having a heart-to-heart conversation will definitely help you. 

You also need to understand that sometimes the things that are a priority for you might not be for your partner. They might not think it’s necessary to appreciate the small things. If you’ve been together for a long time they might also think that it isn’t necessary to keep verbally expressing your appreciation for each other. 

This is a common misconception that occurs in most relationships. People think that everything is understood and known and don’t try to put in the effort to communicate the same to their partners. This is how people tend to grow hating their partners because they feel like they aren’t getting anything in return. 

In a relationship, you always need to be appreciative of each other no matter the duration of the relationship. People look for such things. It is the small sentences and actions after all that helps a person move forward in the relationship. 

Your partner isn’t paying attention to your relationship

In most relationships after the honeymoon phase is done, everything dies down. The reason being that people tend to forget that a relationship needs constant effort and attention. Both individuals need to keep growing and working on their relationship. As things change in life it’s very easy for your relationship to take a back seat, and that’s eventually how the relationship goes down. 

Your partner doesn’t think this is important

This is an age-old problem or what we could call ” gender gap.” The things that work for a woman aren’t the same as the things that work for a man. Sometimes men aren’t even aware of the needs of a woman. This is when you need to inform your partner about what you like and expect from him. 

You have grown distant with each other

This is probably one of the most common things that happens in a relationship. We all have lives other than our relationships and life can get in the middle. When this happens most of us end up shutting our partners out. You and your partner might have grown distant unintentionally, but now that you realise it, it’s time to do something about it. Plan a vacation, or even an intimate date, get to talking, track your steps back and see what went wrong. 

You could be expecting more than you are giving

We sometimes fail to introspect and be the better person before we blame the opposite person. If you’ve not been paying attention to your partner’s needs, if you haven’t been making them feel good and loved, then naturally you might be feeling the same way as well. Everytime you feel something is lacking, give it in return. There’s a good chance your partner also has been feeling the lack of the same thing. 

Your partner is not able to express themselves

Your partner might be feeling alot internally but he probably is finding it difficult to express themselves. If your partner is generally a quiet person, who is shy, then you’d have to make peace with this. If they ain’t but they’re suddenly finding it difficult to express themselves, then you’d have to figure out what’s stopping them. Sometimes when the woman is extremely expressive, it might prove to be overwhelming, and men usually take a step back. 

Your partner has narcissistic traits

A narcissistic person is one who thinks very great of themselves. To such a person the people around them aren’t up to the mark. 

One common trait is that even if they do appreciate you, they might not express this to you. They’ll rather talk highly of you to other people. 

How can I communicate my expectations to my partner? 

If you want to tell your partner that your expectations aren’t being met, the best way to do it is to start with the positives. Speak about what’s working for you, their positives that make you feel good and so on. 

After doing so you can move on to your expectations. Instead of going in with a fixed mindset, explain to them how you’re feeling. And always give them the room to explain how they’ve looked at these events.

Remember that this communication is to help resolve issues. It can very easily turn into a blame game but that is not what we are going for. We are trying to open up the flow of communication. You need to actively listen and hear each other out.

Active listening is when you take into account not only the words a person is saying to you but also their attitude, body language and so on. You read between the lines and try to understand the person on a deeper level. This is what you’d have to do with your partner as well. 

It might be difficult at the beginning, it might start to sound like an attack against your partner if it is handled properly. If you feel like you are going off track and the conversation isn’t doing what it’s meant to be doing, then take a breather. 

Press that pause button and give yourself some time. You are having this conversation with your partner because you believe that you can in fact work on your relationship and save it. You do believe that your partner can change for the better and that you can meet them halfway. Unless you feel all these things, don’t decide to step into this conversation. 

You have a choice before deciding to speak to your partner. You can either work on this with them, or leave the relationship. Unless you’re clear about this don’t step into the conversation. 

Reassure your partner that you know they aren’t doing it to hurt you, but you aren’t feeling good in the relationship, and you need their help to work on it together. 

Conclusion

Appreciation in a relationship is extremely important.  When you aren’t appreciated by your partner it can lead to a lot of unwarranted feelings and a general sense of unhappiness. This is why it’s important to communicate your needs and wants to your partner. Let them know how you feel and what they can do to help you out. 

FAQs- my partner doesn’t appreciates me 

What do you do when you feel unappreciated in a relationship?

When you feel unappreciated in a relationship you need to tell your partner this immediately. Don’t let it grow into resentment at a later stage. 

What does silence do to a man?

Silence to a man or anyone decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners. 

What does it mean when you don’t feel appreciated in a relationship?

When you don’t feel appreciated in the relationship it means that you’re not being valued in the relationship. 

How do you know when a guy doesn’t care about you?

You know a guy doesn’t care about you when he says hurtful things about you or to you.

What are red flags in a relationship?

Red flags in a relationship are signs that a person can’t have a healthy relationship. 

References

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/signs-youre-being-taken-for-granted-in-your-relationship

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