Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to get married?

If your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, then it’s time to understand what’s the next step that you can take in the relationship. Sometimes it’s only a phase that will pass on in future, but at other times it’s something you should take seriously and work on. 

In this article we will be understanding why your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, what you can do in this situation. Including how to communicate your needs and desires regarding this. And also how to move forward with the relationship. 

These are the topics we will be covering:

  • Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to get married?
  • How to communicate effectively?
  • What should the next step be? 

Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to get married?

If your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, here are a list of possible reasons: 

  • Your boyfriend is scared of marriage
  • He comes from a dysfunctional family
  • He’s a child of divorce
  • He doesn’t believe in marriage
  • He has been cheated on 
  • He has doubts 
  • He’s confused about his career 
  • He has unaddressed trauma

Your boyfriend is scared of marriage

Your boyfriend might be scared of marriage because of different things. He’s probably seen a lot of failed marriages in his surroundings. This could have made your boyfriend feel as though marriages are difficult to sustain in the long run. 

In such a situation, make sure to have an open conversation. Give your boyfriend the room to vent and speak about everything that’s on his mind. Let him know that he can trust you with everything that he’s been feeling. 

This might take a while as we don’t know the seriousness of his emotions. So don’t try to get it done in a set period of time. 

He comes from a dysfunctional family

A dysfunctional family is one that is mostly chaotic or has had a negative impact on an individual’s growth in terms of mental health and emotional well-being. 

Your boyfriend might have had a dysfunctional family, with parents who fought often, or didn’t speak for long durations. He might have had to be in the centre of all of this. This could affect his feelings towards marriage. 

He might have attached negative emotions to the whole concept of marriage itself. This can be an issue as it takes therapy to unlearn all of this. 

He’s a child of divorce

If your boyfriend has had divorced parents then this could be a major reason. Most children who come from divorced families tend to be skeptical of marriage itself. 

You need to understand that your boyfriend witnessed his parents splitting up. This takes quite a toll on anyone’s mental health, let alone a child. 

It’s very important to be sensitive about this issue. Just because we hear that divorce is common, and it is normal, doesn’t mean it calls for insensitivity. 

He doesn’t believe in marriage

Marriage at the end of the day is a choice, it’s a personal choice that has to be respected. People may choose to interpret marriage in different ways and that doesn’t mean they can be judged for it. 

If your boyfriend has a belief system that’s different from yours then it can be quite difficult to solve this issue. Belief systems are rooted in the core of one’s being. It takes alot to help in changing these belief systems. 

However you can still have a conversation to understand where you both stand with this. 

He has been cheated on 

Being cheated on especially by someone you truly loved, or saw yourself marrying can be traumatic. It affects a person’s confidence and also changes their idea of love, marriage and companionship. 

If this is the reason for his aversion towards marriage, it’s going to take a lot of effort and patience to let your boyfriend know that he can trust you. Those things don’t have to be the same. 

He has doubts 

Considering this as a factor is important. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married it can simply mean that he’s having doubts in the relationship. 

Maybe he’s not as sure about the relationship as you are. This is normal and it is a possibility. People tend to grow at different levels, however it’s important to be honest about this. 

Transparency is key when it comes to such issues. In order to be respectful of each one’s time , have open conversations. 

He’s unsure of his career 

Due to the constant pressure and norms of a patriarchal society, your boyfriend might not want to get married because he hasn’t got his career in order. 

There is a general conception that a man has to be well settled before getting married. This comes from age old thinking that the man is the breadwinner and authority of the house. 

He has unaddressed trauma 

Your boyfriend might have experienced traumatic events in life especially when it came to his parents and their relationship. 

This could have led to trauma that has gone unaddressed over the years. In such a case the scars are much deeper and require a lot of effort and patience. 

How to communicate effectively?

In order to communicate effectively you need to be sure about where you stand when it comes to marriage. How do you feel about it? What are your expectations? And what are the qualities you’d like in your life partner? 

After you’ve answered these questions for yourself, make sure to let your boyfriend know these things. It’s not necessary that you have to bombard him with these things, you can just let him know your stand regarding this subject. 

Also make sure to pay attention to the way your relationship is building with your boyfriend. It’s important to understand if this is something you’d like to have for the rest of your life.b

It’s an important decision that you cannot make overnight or take lightly. So take your time and always be transparent. Encourage your boyfriend as well to speak openly about his thoughts and feelings. 

What should the next step be? 

The next step would be to understand the reason why your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married. After which you’d also have to make a choice if you’d like to stay in the relationship and work on it, or leave. 

When it comes to marriage we all have different belief systems. You need to understand your boyfriend’s, while being true to your own beliefs. This takes alot of understanding and effort from both ends. 

At the end of the day neither of you should have regrets that you didn’t work on it, or that you pushed too much for it to happen when it wasn’t meant to be. Give each other the space to always be true to oneself. This is extremely important.

Conclusion

Marriage can be a shaky subject. Mostly because everyone has opposing views about it. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to get married, it need not be the end of the road. It might just mean that you have a lot of understanding to do before you get to the point of marriage with your boyfriend. Keep in mind that these important decisions need to be made together. That’s why transparency is extremely important. 

If you have any questions or queries please do drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs – my boyfriend doesn’t want to get married

How long should you stay in a relationship without marriage?

You should stay in a relationship before marriage for approximately two to five years. If couples are delaying marriage, it’s not a problem. They can still be building a life together. 

What does it mean if your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you?

If your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you , it doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy of love or marriage. The reasons can be varied and have a lot to do with their own preference and values. They could have a fear of commitment, they probably grew up witnessing failed marriages, they probably have a negative perception of marriage. 

How soon do guys know they want to marry you?

 Guys know they want to marry you as soon as 6 – 7 months of dating. They might delay it for varied reasons, or conditions in your relationship but that’s usually how soon guys know they want to marry you. 

How long is too long for a relationship?

Nothing is too long in a relationship.There is no definitive time that’s okay to wait before you get engaged. 

Why won’t my longterm boyfriend propose?

Your longterm boyfriend probably isn’t proposing because he isn’t ready for marriage yet. 

References

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/partner-doesnt-want-to-get-married

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