Why does the narcissist want to be friends with an ex?

This article will show what are the main reasons why your narcissist ex may still want to be friends with you. Aside from that, the article will give a brief explanation of what it means to be a narcissist, and if it is worth it to be friends with your narcissist ex.

Why does the narcissist want to be friends with an ex? 

Ending a relationship with a narcissist is extremely difficult. And at some point, they may come up to you with the idea that the two of you should be friends. Here are the main reasons why they are making that offer.

They want to keep toying with you 

For narcissists, other people are only a source of entertainment. They thrive on having control over others, and as the relationship ends, they may see themselves without someone that they can maneuver.

Because of that, they may turn to you to ask if you are open to staying friends. They already know all of your secrets, and have a deep understanding of how you work. It may seem extremely entertaining to them that keep this game with you going.

It is hard for them to deal with the fact that you ended the relationship 

If you were the one that ended the relationship, it may have hit them hard. For a narcissist, it is impossible to deal with the fact that the other person doesn’t want them anymore.

So if they feel that you wouldn’t be open to going back to the romantic relationship, they may suggest being friends as a way to bring you back to them again. And at some point, if you accept, when things are fine, they may pull the rug down from under your feet, and they will break up with you.

They don’t want to see you happy 

Narcissists are extremely self-centered, and that leads them to the belief that you should be your happiest self with them. It doesn’t mean that they want you to be happy, it is just that they can’t accept that another person will be better at making you happy than them.

Even if you don’t have someone else, and are just happy with yourself. A narcissist can’t handle that, and they may ask you to be friends again as a way to put you back into their control.

They want to have you sexually available to them 

They tend to be extremely seductive and sexual people. And because of that, they may want to keep your memory fresh about how great your sexual life with them was. Being friends is a way to bring those memories as a joke, and sometimes even finding a window so they will be sexually available to them.

Why does the narcissist want to be friends with an ex?

They want to control you 

Narcissists feed on the control they have over other people. And if they feel they have lost control over you through the romantic relationship, they will do a compromise and try to keep that through friendship.

But still, with being friends, they will be able to know everything that is going on in your life. They will know who you are dating, what you are doing, and how your work is going. And being the keeper of such intimate things can feed their sense of how special they are.

They are not getting their supply filled somewhere else 

Narcissists need something that is called the narcissistic supply. They need someone that will feed them the attention they need. And if after your break up they are having trouble having those supplies somewhere else, they may suggest being friends just to keep you giving them the supply they need.

They want to use you 

They are also extremely manipulative people, and they can decide to be friends with you because they may need you. It can be that they need money or your help with something. Either way, they may want to keep you around for their gain.

To make them look good 

When there is a breakup, people around may begin to ask what happened. And to not make themselves look bad, the narcissist can change the whole story, and tell it from their perspective. They may even try to make themselves look good and say that they are so caring that they are still friends with you.

Because they know you will take them back

Narcissists want nothing more than to feel special. They may suggest being friends because they know that you are unable to say no to them. Knowing that you will run over all your boundaries, and self-love just to have them in your life, is something that will fill them up.

What does it mean to be a narcissist? 

A narcissist can be a person that has traits of narcissism, or a person that has been diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism will often happen in a spectrum, which means that its intensity of it can change from one person to the next.

But often, narcissists are usually ones that will have a high sense of importance. They have a grandiose notion of themselves, and are constantly looking for ways to impress others since they feed on the admiration others will have for them.

Because they have such a high notion of self-importance, they usually think that they deserve better things than other people. And that can be perceived as arrogance. But they are also people that can be extremely seductive. They may be constantly well-groomed.

In a relationship with another person, they will have trouble having empathy, and because of that, they don’t understand other people’s needs. They will put their needs and wants as priorities.

Is it worth it being friends with my narcissist ex? 

Considering if you should stay friends with your narcissist ex is a personal question. It is hard to say yes or no. But what you should consider is how you have been dealing with their narcissistic traits, and what impact that has on your mental health.

Dealing with a narcissist is a roller-coaster. They will never consider your needs and boundaries, and as seen before, they may still want to be friends for the darkest reasons. So you need to ask yourself why you would still want that in your life.

Keep in mind that as much as you may want, you won’t be able to change a narcissist. For them to even change is extremely difficult, since that will go through them admitting that there is something wrong with them.

So you should think about it before opening yourself, and your life up again for the narcissist to enter. Getting out of that relationship may have been hard enough for you to jump back into it.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why does the narcissist want to be friends with an ex? 

Is there a cure to being a narcissist?

No, there is no cure to being a narcissist. What can happen is that the narcissist will, at some point, realize that their narcissistic traits are leading them to trouble, and can look for professional help to manage it. In those cases, the therapist will be the one that can assist them.

A therapist will help the narcissist deal with this view of perfection they have of themselves, and others. Making them face people in a more realistic light. It will also help them set more realistic goals for their lives, as they can easily get frustrated when things don’t go their way.

Some narcissists will also get through psychiatric support, as they may need to take medication to help them deal with some other conditions that can commonly affect them, such as depression, or even anxiety.

Does a narcissist miss their ex?

Yes, a narcissist can miss their ex, but you need to keep in mind that they will miss the person in a completely different manner as others would. A narcissist will not miss the person with whom they just ended a relationship. They will miss what that person could do to them.

For narcissists, the basis of every relationship centers on what people could do to them. When they feel they can still take things from you, they will hardly ever let you go. And in this case, it can seem to you that your narcissistic ex truly misses you.

They will begin to make themselves present and will make sure you know just how important they think you are. In this way, they hope to, little by little, gain their way back into your life.

How do narcissists feel when you cut all the contact with them?

How a narcissist will feel when you cut all contact with them depends on how they were perceiving your connection. If they were getting ready to discard you, it can often be that they can get a sense of relief that you are out of their lives. 

But they can also feel that you did something that they were preparing to do, which can lead them to feel hurt as if you have offended them. In other cases, when the narcissist feels that they weren’t done with you, they will spare no expense in trying to get you under their control once again.

For that, they can use multiple techniques, to try to manipulate you into going back, so they can, when they are done with you, discard you in their manner.

What type of people are narcissists attracted to?

Narcissists are often attracted to what they can get out of people. Because of that, they will often look for people that can give them power, and that is often self-assured. 

But there is a problem with that, which is that this self-assured person after a while won’t be able to put the narcissist at the center of their world, as they would like it to be.

Because of that, at some point, the narcissist will go after the person that has low self-esteem, and that is willing to prioritize them and overlook their flaws.

Can narcissists become obsessed with people?

Yes, it is possible that a narcissist will become obsessed with someone. That will often happen with people that will play hot and cold with them, or that will show them that they are interesting, but are not always willing to act the way the narcissist wants. That will make the narcissist pursue this person for a long time.


This article showed the main reasons why your narcissist ex may want to be friends with you. It also explained what it mean to be a narcissist, and if it is worth it to maintain a friendship with your narcissist ex.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.


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