Why does my partner avoid difficult conversations? 

If your partner has been avoiding difficult conversations, it can be because they aren’t good with confrontation. They probably try to avoid conflict as much as possible because of certain issues they’ve had to go through in the past. It could also be due to a particular event or feeling that they’re going through. They probably are hesitant to share this with you and hence keep avoiding difficult conversations. 

In this article we will be understanding why your partner avoids difficult conversations and how you can resolve this and communicate effectively. We also learn about the possible red flags to look out for.

  • Why does my partner avoid difficult conversations? 
  • How can I overcome this situation? 
  • Tips to improve the relationship
  • Red flags 

Why does my partner avoid difficult conversations? 

Your partner avoids difficult conversations for the following reasons: 

  • They already know what you’re going to say
  • They’ve been hurt in the past 
  • They have trust issues 
  • They have left things unsaid

They already know what you’re going to say

Your partner already has an idea of what you’re going to say, and they probably don’t want to hear it as well. This might be something they feel they can’t take , it can be really heavy for them to accept. In such a situation it’s important to first understand how you’re feeling. 

If this is a difficult and harsh conversation to be having, give yourself the time to take a step back. This can also give your partner the time as well to settle into what’s about to come. Go over the conversation in your mind. 

Have an idea of how you’re going to approach this conversation with your partner and stick to it. You should remember that as much as it is frustrating that they’re avoiding the conversation altogether , it’s probably really difficult for them to hear what you’re saying. 

They have been hurt in the past 

They’ve probably experienced a lot of pain in the past, this need not be from a romantic relationship alone, it can be from friendships and other kinds of relationships as well. This is causing them to protect themselves. 

They try to push away the conversation for as long as they can, until they feel like it won’t cause them much pain. A Lot of people try to phase out the difficult times till a point where it doesn’t hurt as much. 

They could be emotionally vulnerable and this is why they have a need to do this. Because when they break their walls and give you the space, it could hurt them. 

They have trust issues

Your partner has trust issues in the relationship. Even though they have been with you for a while now, they aren’t able to fully open up and trust you. This again can be because they’re just trying to protect themselves from getting hurt. 

They don’t want to be in the middle of that kind of a situation again, in order for this to happen they tend to push you away as much as they can. Having trust issues can really destroy the foundation of a relationship. 

If it’s not addressed at the right time, it results in possessiveness, conflict and a toxic relationship. 

They have left things unsaid

This is usually a consequence of not  resolving feelings from the past. People tend to just get tired of the entire argument or fight and block themselves out after a point. 

This can be done because they’re so drained out and they don’t have anything more to say, or it can be simply because they want to avoid adding onto the fight. 

By trying to stop themselves from hurting you or saying something that will keep the fight going they just stop talking. This often leads to a build up of resentment. They probably feel like they didn’t get a say. 

It’s easy to think that this is their problem, and they need to solve it, but if you really want this to work, then you’d also have to take the initiative to solve it. 

How can I overcome this situation? 

You can overcome this situation by being direct about your feelings with your partner. 

You can communicate effectively about this by first understanding where you stand in this entire situation. You need to be sure about the way you feel and make sure to stand up for yourself in this regard. If you approach your partner when you yourself aren’t aware of your emotions, it wouldn’t serve the purpose. In order to be sure, try to write your feelings down. Write whatever comes to your mind , this might give you a better picture. 

After doing this you can approach your partner for a healthy conversation. When you express the way you’re feeling about their behaviour, notice if they’re listening to you and if they express the willingness to work on it. If they do, that’s a good sign. 

If in turn they try to rubbish what you’re saying, even after you’ve put in the effort to communicate effectively with them, then there’s a chance that they’re gaslighting you. 

Don’t try to leave them hints or signs when it comes to your relationship. It’s always best to be straightforward and direct instead of waiting for a miracle to happen. 

Do’s

  • Have quality time with each other. 

Speak or write about your feelings

Share a hobby that requires you to work together. This builds trust and compatibility. 

Don’ts

  • Do not involve another person to sort this issue out. 
  • Be aware of whom you share your problems with, especially when it comes to your relationship. 
  • Do not assume ahead of knowing what has happened. 
  • Don’t try to poke your boyfriend and tease him about the trust issues. 
  • Don’t let ego get in the middle of your communication with your boyfriend. 

Tips to improve the relationship

  • Do understand that every relationship is unique and works well as long as both parties are willing to make it work. 
  • Always communicate your feelings. 
  • Dont give room to assumptions and doubts. 
  • Be transparent about your needs and expectations. 
  • Don’t manipulate your partner into compromising, instead speak to them about what’s not working for you. 
  • Always apologize after a fight, don’t expect things to go back to normal with time.
  • Even if it does go back to normal, it does not mean things are fine. 
  • Don’t leave issues unaddressed. 
  • Don’t leave issues unresolved by pushing them underneath the carpet. 
  • Remember to work as a team instead of working against each other. 

Red flags in a relationship

  • If you’ve explained everything you possibly could, but your partner is still not able to let you in and give you that room, and actually face a difficult situation. Then this can be a red flag. It’s extremely difficult for relationships to survive without trust. 
  • Even if they do survive it can be painful and complicated. It’s important to know your boundaries in a relationship. 
  • If your partner is pushing these boundaries and expecting you to compromise and make them feel more secure, then this is a red flag. 
  • Even in a relationship each one has their own capacities. It’s important to recognise this before it gets too late, and eventually turns into a toxic relationship. 
  • If your partner begins to Stonewall you, then that’s also a big red flag. Stone walling is when your partner builds a stone between you and them in the relationship. This can cause the communication to fall short in your relationship. 

When there isn’t any communication in any kind of relationship it can really affect all individuals involved. It might cause you to feel a lot of resentment towards your partner and it could thus, affect the way you see them as well. 

This is why stonewalling is considered to be a big red flag in a relationship. If your partner has a habit of stonewalling you regularly over a period of time it will definitely break the relationship itself. Or it could make it a toxic relationship where you feel guilty and obligated to stay and understand why your partner is quiet everytime they do this. 

Conclusion

If your partner has been avoiding difficult conversations. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. However over a period of time if this gets out of hand and begins to affect the peace and stability of your relationship then this could not only break the relationship, but also ruin your own peace of mind and mental health. 

References

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-make-very-hard-conversation-with-your-partner-go-well

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