Why does my partner argue with everything I say? 

 

If your partner argues with everything you say, it’s best to resolve it now, before it gets worse.  Arguing with everything you say is a sign that ultimately leads to unpleasant interaction and eventually unpleasant memories. This will paint over your relationship and cause you both to start resenting being together. 

In this article we will be talking about why you partner argues with everything you say, how can you stop this from happening? Also will be looking at the red flags in such relationships. 

Topics for discussion : 

• Why does my partner argue with everything I say? 
• How do I resolve this issue? 
• Is this a toxic relationship? 

Why does my partner argue with everything I say? 

Your partner might be arguing with you for the following reasons : 

• They’re frustrated with you
• There’s alot of stress at work 
• They have certain unresolved issues 
• They aren’t able to communicate effectively
• They are narcissistic 
• They are trying to be controlling 
• They aren’t happy in the relationship

They’re frustrated with you 

Your partner is currently feeling frustrated with you and this is causing them to argue with everything you say. Clearly they haven’t found a way to express this to you and that’s probably why it’s slipping out in even the smallest conversations. 

Your partner might or might not know that something about you is bothering them. Even if they don’t feel normal with you they probably aren’t able to put their finger on the problem itself. This is an issue because it’s going to take you alot to breakthrough and understand their issue.  

Look back and see the fights and arguments you have had. Have you crossed boundaries, has something happened ? Have you ignored them, not paid attention to their needs? 

With our fast pace lives we might forget to prioritise our relationships. If you’d want your relationship to work you’d have to make sure to give it time and attention. 

There’s alot of stress at work

Your partner is currently feeling really stressed at work, which is getting channelised in your relationship. You might wonder why it works that way? 

Shouldn’t they unwind and relax with you? Logically that makes sense, however your partner is probably most comfortable with you, and this means all their pentup stress comes out when they’re with you. They kind of let go in a way. However their chosen way of communication is wrong. 

That is something they’d have to work on. But if the issue is really work stress then just with a little communication from your side, it can be resolved. Let your partner know how you’ve been feeling. 

They have unresolved issues 

If you have had an argument in the recent past, it probably remains unresolved for your partner. It can also remain a problem until you and your partner decide to communicate and face it.

Most couples believe that not everything has to be shared. Something’s time will heal. This is true for the issues that just need your calm attention. Instead of you getting agitated and aruging about it. 

However once you’ve already fought or argued, it is then time to resolve the matter at hand. Beyong a point no amount of fighting can help resolve anything. The purpose should be to get out of that fight with clarity. 

They aren’t able to communicate effectively

They are probably feeling something about you or you’re relationship and aren’t able to effectively communicate this. 

They might even have  something to confess or admit, and are finding it hard to say without hurting your feelings. 

How do you know if this is the case? Notice if they’re getting defensive when they’re arguing. Is there a certain topic that they mainly get defensive about? 

They are narcissistic 

Partner’s with narcissistic personality often don’t like to be proven wrong. They have a need to always protect their egos and make it look like they’re better than the rest and especially better than you. 

So they might tend to argue with you just to prove a point and feel better. This is practically a boost to their own egos. 

They are trying to be controlling

Partners tend to argue with everything you say when they have a need to control the way you are or what you think. 

If your values or way of living is different from theirs, they might want to change it and the path they take for this is, is arguing. Notice if they’re putting you down everytime they argue? 

Are they trying to make you feel inferior? And do you end up doing what your partner wants at the end? Just to stop the arguing. 

They aren’t happy in the relationship

They aren’t happy with the relationship or with how things are moving forward. This means that they’re probably unsatisfied and they don’t want to break it off either. 

If your partner is unhappy or even you are, there isn’t any point in waiting for happier times. You’d have to first talk about it and try to see if you can regain your happiness in the relationship. This is definitely possible however it takes alot of effort and constant communication from both sides. 

How do I resolve this issue? 

The ony way you can resolve this issue is by actively speaking about it.  And along with actively speaking you need to “actively listen,” as well.

What is active listening? 

Active listening is something that therapists practice during their sessions. They try to listen carefully and read between the lines instead of just hearing the other person. 

When you actively listen you also make anote of the other person’s emotions, their body language and what they’re trying to say but are unable to say.  This helps in truly understanding the person opposite you. 

Even while you’re arguing it can help to just listen instead of having a counter argument ready for yourself. 

Another thing that can help is doing activities that are neutral and probably don’t even need much talking. This could mean exercising together, going for a walk, mediating, going fishing. Just make sure that it’s something you both enjoy doing. This gives you the time to spend together, without indulging in arguments. It also becomes a happy memory. 

Happy memories act as insulation when couples go through a rough, cold patch. It’s there to remind you of what you have and what it’s worth. So if your partner argues for everything you say, then you need to balance it out. 

Is this a toxic relationship? 

To understand if this is a toxic relationship, you need to figure out how you’ve been feeling and how it’s affected your life. If you’ve been feeling insecure, manupilated and inferior then chances are that it is a toxic relationship. 

If you’re not feeling good enough because of the way your partner puts you down, then it is. The thing with toxic relationships is, you can make it a healthy relationship if you have the support of your partner. 

However if this is the way they are and they see no fault, or they tell you they’ll change but don’t, then this is a toxic relationship that you have to get out of. 

Sometimes they might argue and then change and apologize but this happens everyday. In such a case they’re causing confusion and the relationship isn’t stable , and neither are they. 

Conclusion

If your partner argues with everything you say, it does need your attention. If this is a relationship you want to save and make work, then you can definitely do it, but with the support of your partner. This is going to take time because you’d have to understand the issue, choose the right way to resolve it and then move forward. Sometimes after understanding the issue you might decide that this is not something you can deal with, and that’s also completely your choice. 

If you have any questions or queries please drop them in the comment section below. 

FAQs- my partner argues with everything I say

Why does my partner always want to argue? 

Your partner always wants to argue probably because of some kind of shame they carry. This is commonly called argumentativeness that means they’re being defensive about something they’re feeling bad about. It can be shame or a general sense of proving themselves and proving that they’re good.

Is it normal to argue everyday in a relationship? 

Yes it is normal to argue with your partner everyday. Although if you are fighting about serious issues then this shouldn’t be taken lightly. 

What are three signs of an unhealthy relationship? 

The three signs of an unhealthy relationship are humiliation, control and abuse in all its forms or any form. 

How do I reassure my partner after an argument? 

You can reassure your partner after an argument by apologizing sincerely. Let them know what you’re apologizing for and make sure they know you mean it. 

What do you call someone who argues with everything you say?

A person who argues with everything you say is someone with an oppositional conversation style , which means they have a tendency to oppose or correct everything that you say. 

References

https://www.bustle.com/articles/177777-why-your-partner-is-so-argumentative-and-how-to-work-on-it