Why does my partner accuse me of lying?
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
A lot of people are often accused by their partners of lying, cheating and many such things. These relationships tend to feel fragile and might often affect the mental health of either one or both people in the relationship. It shows that the stability of the relationship has been disturbed and there are probably a lot of underlying insecurities.
In this article we will be learning about the following things:
- Why does my partner accuse me of lying?
- How do I respond to this?
- What can I do to bring back stability?
Why does my partner accuse me of lying?
Your partner might be accusing you of lying for the following reasons :
- They are feeling insecure
- They are having doubts
- They’ve been in toxic relationship in the past
- They are toxic
- They are authoritative
They are feeling insecure
Insecurities can really ruin a lot of things but most importantly relationships. These insecurities might have been there before your relationship as well, however they might have been triggered on the relationship due to various reasons.
Individuals in relationships are insecure due to a variety of reasons. Starting from appearance, financial stability, personality, to even materialistic gains. It’s hard to understand what could possibly be making your partner feel insecure.
Once your partner begins to feel insecure in the relationship, they will begin to project this insecurity in different ways. You probably can see them getting angry or triggered for even the smallest things. They are always looking to pick a fight, or looking for some fault to blame you for.
They tend to act possessive and suspicious as well. This usually happens if your partner is insecure about some aspect of your life. Probably if you earn more than your partner, or you have a friend from the opposite sex who is doing better than your partner. All of these are the umpteen possibilities that lead to Insecurities.
The key is to address it before it begins to ruin the trust you have for eachother. Once the nagging starts, and your partner picks on the smallest things. Once they accuse you of lying for the smallest of things, it’s time to speak about the issue at hand and address it. Don’t wait for it to get to a point where all you want to do is run away.
They are having doubts
They’re probably having doubts in the relationship. This could be in terms of the future of your relationship, or whether or not this is really a relationship they see themselves being in.
This might sound a bit complicated , but when people have doubts in a relationship they act out. Especially if they are individuals who aren’t usually good with placing their feelings and knowing the reason behind their feelings, they might just act out.
These doubts will tend to take different forms and shapes. And they might end up trying to sabotage your relationship, or trying to believe something is true even when it’s not. By doing so, it probably gives them an easier access to end the relationship.
This is a highly convoluted idea, we do understand that, but sometimes it can happen. That’s not to say we assume and let it be. That’s not to say we just let this continue either.
They come from a toxic relationship
If your partner has come from a toxic relationship, they could be having a difficult time trusting anyone. This doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship, it could even be family and friends as well.
They might have always been tricked and confused. Their feelings have probably been invalidated many times. They also probably have been manipulated and alot of gaslighting as well is something that could have happened.
In such cases people find it extremely difficult to trust and build relationships in the future. Romantic relationships often require intimacy and this could be a problem for them.
They are toxic
All of that being said, there is definitely a chance that your partner is generally a toxic person. They probably have a way of being in control in the relationship, and they would want to know everything about your whereabouts all the time.
This is probably leading them to accuse you of lying even if you just draw a simple boundary.
In such cases it is always best to confront and then leave, don’t encourage this behaviour under any circumstance.
They are authoritative
This means they’re always wanting to be incharge of everything in your relationship.
Everytime you draw a boundary or just protect yourself from their manipulation , they might inturn gaslight you by saying you’re lying.
This is most likely to have happened to you as well.
When your partner continuously accuses you of lying in an argument, just because they don’t want to accept their behaviour, they might be gaslighting you.
How do I respond to this?
One of the foremost things you’d have to do, is to first understand the reason behind this. When your partner is accusing you of lying, try to understand if there are some genuine fears, or insecurities behind this.
Your partner might have an insecure attachment style, where they often believe the worst in the situation. They want proximity but believe that there’s always a chance you might do something to hurt them or you might leave.
This comes from having a tough childhood where the primary caregiver was hot and cold.
So try to understand if there is a genuine concern. And once you know this you need to reassure your partner. Make sure you say you hear them, and understand that they feel this way, however you’re not lying. Then continue to have a conversation. But don’t push them in a corner, if you do know what’s causing them to accuse you as well, let it be for now.
If you push your partner to look and accept the real reason, they might get even more defensive. This is a time to just reassure them.
However if your partner is being toxic, authoritative, gaslighting you, then it’s time to confront them and choose what you’d like to do further.
What can I do to bring back stability?
For now the best you can do is talk to your partner. Give them the space to be transparent about how they feel. And work on your relationship together.
There probably hasn’t been much transparency earlier and that’s what has led you to this stage. So at the moment all your attention needs to be on giving your partner the space to let you know what’s wrong, and also to let them know that you’re here to work on it with them.
Conclusion
If your partner has been accusing you of lying, don’t wait for it to get to a point where it’s unbearable. Work on it before it becomes toxic, the minute your partner starts accusing you, sit down and have a conversation with your partner. There is nothing that a good, honest conversation cannot do.
If you have any questions or queries please drop them in the comment section below
FAQs- my partner accused me of lying
How do you deal with someone who accuses you of lying?
One of the ways to deal with someone who accuses you is by being assertive with them. Start your statements with “I”.
What is it called when someone constantly accuses you of lying ?
When someone constantly accuses you of lying it’s called gaslighting. This means they accuse you of the same things that they are probably engaging in. They might turn it around to make it look like they are the victim.
Why does my partner constantly accuse me of cheating?
Your partner might be accusing you of cheating due to insecurity and issues that have lingered on from the past and even exist in the present as well.
What to do if your partner accuses you of cheating?
If your partner accuses you of cheating, wait for the anger to pass. Let them calm down and that’s when you approach them for a conversation. Ask them what caused them to think you’re cheating on them.
Are narcissists gaslighters?
Yes and no. Not all are gaslighters but that is a common personality type seen amongst them who gaslight.
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