Why does my husband hate me? 

If your husband hates you, it might not always be your fault, however there is always something you can do to fix the issue. Hate is a big word and can have detrimental effects on a marriage. Once you start feeling like your husband hates you, that itself is a big red flag. 

In this article we will be focusing on the possible reasons behind your husband’s negative feelings. What you can do to start working on it, and how to build your relationship into a stronger one after this. 

Here are the topics that we will be working on 

  • Why does my husband hate me ?
  • What can I do about this? 
  • How do I improve communication? 

Why does my husband hate me? 

Your husband might hate you for the following reasons : 

  • You’ve hurt him unintentionally
  • He feels very belittled by you 
  • He’s not growing in the relationship
  • He’s insecure about certain things 
  • Your husband isn’t happy with you 
  • He has unresolved issues with you 

You’ve hurt him unintentionally

It’s a great big possibility that you’ve hurt your husband unintentionally. Hurting your partner is something that happens in all relationships, however it becomes a problem when it keeps recurring. 

It’s a possibility that you’ve been saying or doing the same thing over and over again. This can be affecting your husband and causing him more pain everytime it repeats. 

Try to look back and see what you could have possibly done or said. Maybe it’s something that was a sensitive issue for him, that you took lightly. 

He feels belittled by you 

While teasing each other in a relationship is considered to be healthy, it might cross the line sometimes. In the sense that you could be poking certain Insecurities while doing so. Especially when it comes to men, these lines might also be poorly defined if they do not know how to express their feelings and set boundaries. 

For example, if your husband is not slim, and you keep making fun of his weight, or you make him feel like he’s not attractive, especially in front of others, this could push him away from you. 

It’s always important to appreciate your partner when you can. You can always tease and have a fun relationship with him but it won’t work if it’s only teasing. 

He’s not growing in the relationship

This is something people usually feel when things get very controlling in a relationship. Your husband might be feeling the same way.  This happens when boundaries aren’t respected. 

Remember that at the end of the day you both are individual people and you have separate needs. It’s extremely important to respect these boundaries. It might feel like all you’re doing is asking for a compromise, however it shouldn’t push your husband to feel like he’s changing himself entirely. 

He’s insecure about certain things

Your husband might hate you because of the insecurities he has. It’s a possibility that he is reminded of these insecurities when you say or do certain things. This might lead to resentment and over time hatred. 

You might be doing this unintentionally however it can still trigger your husband. You’ll have to pay attention to the points that he doesn’t speak about or easily gets triggered with. Try to understand what makes him feel low, and bothered. 

Your husband isn’t happy with you 

This is obviously not an easy reason to accept or deal with. It can be very painful to accept this. However there is a chance that your husband isn’t very happy with you. 

The real reason for this is not something we can ascertain. It might have happened over a period of time for various reasons. You need to understand that people grow differently in a relationship. And sometimes even individually they grow differently. It’s better to have a conversation with your husband if you feel this is the reason. 

He has unresolved issues with you

There’s a chance that your husband hasn’t communicated his feelings and emotions properly. This has probably led to you repeating the same mistakes over and over again. 

Learning is a crucial factor in a relationship, both individuals need to learn from each other. It takes time to build an understanding and trust in a relationship.

If it feels like your husband constantly picks on certain traits or events, then take that as a sign. That’s probably the reason why he is having hatred towards you. 

What can I do about this?

As a wife you can do the following things when your husband hates you : 

Have an open conversation 

Try to understand the reason behind your husband’s negative feelings towards you. This is not a conversation you start and finish in one day. It is going to take time to resolve, but having patience and respect for eachother is what will help you get through this. 

It’s important to have patience  and let your partner vent out. We can often get carried away with our emotions , and not give our partners the platform to express theirs. This usually happens with men, who come from patriarchal households and societies. 

They’re usually taught to not express the way they’re feeling and to have a strong face. This becomes a  hurdle in a relationship. 

Speak to a professional

Having a relationship counsellor, or a marriage counselor is extremely helpful. They act as the mediator , they are unbiased and can work for the well-being of you. 

Due to this they can help the both of you communicate effectively about the things that matter. This means that the two of you would get an equal opportunity to explain your feelings and work towards a solution.

Otherwise what usually happens is that couples tend to run around in circles about the same topics instead of putting in effort to resolve this topic. 

Have quality time 

Take the time out to spend with your husband. It might be that you have gotten preoccupied with your work or some other part of your life. Both of you might be occupied with work or other priorities which has led to distance. 

In this case having a date or planning a day together is a good idea. It can be as simple as deciding to take a walk together in the evenings. Without any distractions and a lot of quiet or even talking. During your quality time speak about the things that matter while keeping it positive and happy. 

Give each other immunity 

Immunity is actually a small gesture that keeps a person going in the relationship. This can be a compliment, happy memory, or something romantic you wish to share with your spouse.

We call this immunity because it protects you from taking things too negatively or by picking faults in your relationship. It helps you remember that there is a bright side to your relationship and it doesn’t have to be negative always. 

How do I improve communication? 

To improve communication, always think of your relationship as a team. And keep that as priority instead of looking at your husband as a player from the opposite team.  In case it’s getting difficult to communicate  in person, you can practice writing your feelings down. 

Writing your feelings in a letter firstly makes it special to the person on the receiving end. It shows that you put in the time and effort to do this. It also helps you focus on the way you’re feeling. You tend to choose your words appropriately making it easier to communicate. 

Another way in which you can improve your communication is by speaking with feelings instead of accusative tones. 

Instead of saying ” You always hurt me” , you can choose to say ” I felt hurt when you said this.”  Avoid using a tone that shows you’re accusing or cornering your spouse. Try to speak by using the way you feel and not with the intention of ” making them feel bad”. 

If all of this doesn’t work and you keep deviating into an argument or a fight. Then it is best to visit a counsellor.  

Conclusion

If your husband hates you, remember that it’s always best to have a conversation first before you start assuming things. You might be seeing a change in behaviour but this doesn’t have to be hatred. It can mean other things as well, but you wouldn’t know unless you speak to him. 

If you have any queries or questions please drop them in the comment section below.   

References

https://www.momjunction.com/articles/my-husband-hates-me_00527744/

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