Why do narcissists always play the victim role?

This article will show why narcissists tend to play the victim role, and how they will usually do it.  Aside from that, the article will show what are ways for you to get the control back.

Why do narcissists always play the victim role? 

Narcissists can play the victim role for many reasons. It can be because they feel they are not being appreciated enough. 

Narcissists have such a sense of self-entitlement, that if they ever think you are not giving them enough praise for something they have done to you, they will play the victim role and say that you don’t appreciate them even after everything they have done.

They can also play the victim role when it is necessary for them to defend themselves. Narcissists are people that often have gone through a troubled childhood, and as a consequence have created this image of grandiosity for themselves

If at some point someone challenges this grandiose idea they have of themselves, they can begin to play the victim, and tell the other person is out to get them. This may not be a conscious thing, the narcissist may be projecting on the other person, but still, it can be intense.

A narcissist will also play the victim role when they sense they need to get control back from some situation. Whenever they are facing a difficult moment or an argument, they can begin to play the victim to manipulate the other person into not pressuring them. 

Narcissists tend to be extremely good at dealing with their emotions, so they can not surrender to them as easily as other people would.

They will also play the victim role as they are faced with criticism or rejection, which is something they usually can’t handle well. When this happens, they will often become enraged, and say that they are acting like that as a reaction to what you have done.

Finally, a narcissist can play the victim role so easily because they seem to be unable to experience guilt as other people would. And because they have trouble having empathy, they may not understand why you are saying something that they don’t like. Because of that, they will have no guilt at all in just making themselves the victim of the situation.

How do narcissists play the victim role? 

To keep that image they have of themselves narcissists will use some strategies to play the victim role. They have no trouble at all in lying about what has just happened, they will do it gladly if it means they will be able to maintain the gradient vision they have of themselves.

Along with lying, they will also gaslight the other person. This means they will use manipulation to tell the story differently from the perspective that they are the victim. So as they are telling you the story, they may tell you completely different than what happened in reality.

Narcissists are also people that won’t take a situation lightly, if they feel attacked in any way, they will go straight for the attack. They will go on the offensive. And to do so, they may often project. 

As you are telling them something that you didn’t like about their behavior, they will quickly turn to you and say “but how about you…”, and start projecting their behavior on you.

Why do narcissists always play the victim role?

How can I regain control from a narcissist that is always playing the victim role? 

If you are dealing with a narcissist that is constantly playing the victim role, here are some ways you can regain control. 

Write it down 

Because narcissists will try to manipulate you into thinking they are the victims of every single situation, with time you may come to realize that it is better if you keep a journal of how you perceive their behaviors.

You may have those patterns of behavior all clear in your mind. But narcissists tend to be so manipulative that when they begin to tell they’re sad stories, you may fall victim to it. Having it all written down allows you to check back, and come to your senses as you realize it is all part of their victim role.

Observe their body language 

Whenever you are with a narcissist, and they are telling you the story of how they are the victim of something, pay attention to their body language. Especially right after they are done telling you the whole thing.

When a person is telling you something that had a deep emotional impact on them, they will be agitated. Even after they are done. But because the narcissist has very little emotional connection with what they are saying, because it is essentially a lie, they won’t have any of those reactions. Being aware of that will help you not fall for their story.

Walk away

A narcissist may begin to tell you over and over again how people have done them wrong. When they are doing that, they are hoping that you will continue to praise them, and say how right they are to be mad or sad about this situation.

If you are done playing along with the narcissist scene, one thing you can do is just walk away. You can’t call them on it, narcissists will even enjoy the confrontation with you as an act of attention. Just distancing yourself can be the only way to regain control.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why do narcissists always play the victim role? 

Is there a cure to being a narcissist?

No, there is no cure for being a narcissist. What happens is that at some point the narcissist will realize that they need to work on some traits that are causing them problems, and they may look for professional help.

To deal with the narcissistic traits, they can go to therapy, which will help. During this process, they will maybe learn how to not consider all the thoughts around perfection, of themselves, and others. They will also try to set more tangible goals for themselves, and maybe learn how to deal better with the frustration.

In some cases, narcissists can need medication. And those won’t be related to narcissism, but rather to conditions such as depression, and anxiety that can happen easily to a narcissist.

How can I make a narcissist feel bad?

It can be extremely hard to make a narcissist feel bad. This is because they will hardly ever take responsibility for things, and will always find a way to blame others. But a narcissist will often feel bad if they realize they have lost the control they had over you.

If you are not giving them enough attention, or end up doing unpredictable things that they didn’t expect, it can make them feel bad. In the same way as doing things that they don’t like, or if you stand up for yourself in a strong manner.

If you have a conversation in which you are extremely logical, and show concrete facts about how they are not telling the truth, it can make them miserable, in the same way as when they realize that you have critical thinking about matters.

Dealing with things that show them they are not perfect like seeing other people succeed instead of them, or going through financial problems, can also make them feel bad.

What does a narcissist look for in their victim? 

A narcissist will surely look for some traits in their victims that will guarantee them that they are willing to do whatever the narcissist wants or needs. They will often want someone extremely forgiving, so even if the person realizes that they did something wrong, they will be able to forgive them.

They will also often look for people that have been through traumatic experiences before, since those can be more open to them, and will gladly accept the love-bombing the narcissist gives. 

A narcissist will also need someone that is extremely empathetic. That is because an empathetic person will often be extremely supportive, and understanding.

Aside from that, when a narcissist is looking for a new victim, they will need someone that is extremely loyal. That comes in handy as they isolate you from other people, and you remain feeling like you should be loyal to the narcissist.

A person with low self-esteem is also handy for a narcissist since they will try to do whatever they want with you. And if you have a low sense of self, it can be something that will allow them to just do that.

Like the extremely empathetic person, the narcissist will also want someone that is overly accommodating so that they will care for all of the narcissist’s needs. And finally, they will want someone that takes the responsibility for everything, so the narcissist doesn’t need to be accountable for any of their wrongdoings.

Why do narcissists enjoy an argument?

A narcissist enjoys everything that will cause them to be the center of your world, even if that is an argument. An argument can work, for the narcissist, as another way to keep you close, so they can have control over you.

That is why the argument with a narcissist will go on for hours and hours. They are not focused on finding the solution to the matter, they can fuel the argument more and more, to a point that you won’t know what started it in the first place, just so they can keep it under their realm.

That is why, when arguing with a narcissist the best you can do is to simply walk away. As you do that, you will disconnect yourself from their control, and step away from this argument.

What are the types of people that attract a narcissist?

A narcissist will be attracted to people based on what they can give them. Because of that, they will frequently be attracted to people that have a lot of power, and that is self-assured. 

But even though that relationship will begin great, at some point, the person that is too self-assured won’t have it in them to keep attending to all of the narcissists’ needs.

Because of that, at some point, they will go after someone with shaky self-esteem, and that is willing to put the narcissist in the center of their world. This person will often be someone that will be happy to oblige to all of the narcissist’s desires, so they can use them to the fullest.


This article explained why narcissists are constantly playing the victim role in situations, and what are the strategies they may use for that. Aside from that, the article explained how you can regain control from them.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write it in the section below.



How A Narcissist Plays The Victim? 10 Tactics To Get The Control Back