Why do my parents yell at me for everything (A brief guide)
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OptimistMinds
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this guide, we will discuss “Why do my parents yell at me for everything” and what you could do to tackle this situation.
Why do my parents yell at me for everything?
Answering “Why do my parents yell at me for everything?” is certainly not an easy task and there is not a single explanation or answer.
The best thing to remember is not if you deserve being yelled at or if you keep doing things to make them angry, but learning how to deal with the situation.
However, you may feel scared or very anxious when your parents yell at you.
It can be very intimidating and frustrating, probably you have thought many times what to say or have even started engaging in multiple fights with them because of it.
Staying calm and “keeping cool” is the difficult part but not impossible.
In addition, let’s consider if you have older siblings and if they have experienced feeling how your parents yelled at them for everything as well, but if you are an only child then it is not possible to compare.
You can approach them, when possible, and ask them how they did cope with the yelling.
On the other hand, your parents could be yelling at you out of frustration from daily life activities, financial problems, work-related issues or even if they have been suffering from anxiety or depression that hasn’t been properly addressed.
Also, there are ways for your mother and father to stop yelling at you.
In addition, we need to be aware of what yelling can do to us and how to minimize the damage to your mental health, our self-esteem, and our self-image.
We need to recognize when to ask for help since sometimes it can be too overwhelming to be dealt with on our own and it is completely normal, we need to accept when we can’t do things alone.
How to stay calm?
As we discussed, staying calm is not easy and requires practice and effort. If we face reality, no one likes to be yelled at, not even by our parents, relatives or friends.
Here are some tips on how to remain calm when your parents yell at you for everything you do.
Listen and let them vent
Probably you think it is personal but in reality, they yell at you due to their frustration, financial problems, their car stopped working this morning, they had an argument with each other or simply it was because of something you did (even if it is because you did not wash your dishes after dinner).
Evaluate what they just said and do not interrupt them, they won’t yell at you forever.
After they have finished yelling about what you could have possibly done wrong, it is your chance to talk about your feelings and explain your situation.
Don’t take it personally
If you are completely sure you did not do anything wrong then there is no need to take things personally.
As we talked, there could be a million reasons why they are yelling at you and probably, none is related directly to you.
Breathing is key!
Learn how to breathe through breathing exercises.
This will prevent the situation from escalating and also engaging with them, resulting in a fight. Pay attention to how your body reacts when you are being yelled at.
You may start feeling muscle tension, heart palpitations, faster-breathing pace, sweating, etc.
This is completely normal reactions but if you learn how to breathe, then you can “disarm” and reduce the physiological activity going on in your body.
Be assertive
If you can’t handle the screaming and the yelling, and you see the yelling is likely to continue, or they will not respond calmly any time soon then you can opt by saying something like “I understand you are frustrated and I would like to clear up this problem, but everyone is too flustered to have a conversation about it”.
In addition, you can say something like “I would like to be excused to go to my room to think”.
Avoid suggesting your parents to calm down since it can seem very rude and have the contrary effect.
Also, if you are going to leave the room due to the excessive yelling, try to read the context and not leaving if they are still talking directly to you.
How to address the issue?
If they have already stopped yelling, and they are calm, then you can start the conversation by apologizing if you feel there is something you did wrong after analysing the situation.
If you really feel you did not do anything wrong, then stand your ground.
There is no need to apologize for “everything”. Especially when you are not even certain as of why they were yelling in the first place.
You can start saying something like “Mom/Dad, I am sorry you were so angry about…and I hope you are feeling better, so we can have a nice conversation about it”.
In addition, remember to use a measured tone of voice and reflect a calm body language.
Also, try to keep your answers simple and polite, avoiding any sarcasm or aggressiveness in your tone of voice or gestures.
It is OK not to agree completely to what their reasons were to yell in the first place but try to use statements such as “I understand” or “I see”.
How to end the argument?
After hearing them and after you have expressed your point of view, ask them if there is something you can do to improve or avoid doing in the future that is clearly upsetting them.
Try to set up a commitment that involves both parts, where things can be handled differently next time.
Also, if you have done something wrong after actually thinking about it then reassure them you will work on not doing it again.
However, let’s consider the scenario where your parents keep yelling and you are getting nowhere with them.
If this is the case, try involving someone else (when possible or pertinent) that can help as a mediator in this situation.
Why do parents yell?
Parenting is not easy, it can be very stressful and none of them were handed a manual on how to be “good” parents.
In our childhood, we could have done something to make them mad or worried and when we reach adolescence things can get more complicated.
Some parents, instead of recurring to physical punishment, resort to yelling and shouting.
However, we are not saying this is the right way to discipline or get you to stop doing something but to understand that is probably how they were raised and it is all they know, actually turning into a vicious cycle.
In many cases, harsh verbal discipline is intended to cause emotional pain which can be felt the same as being hit or experiencing physical pain, where crying could be a normal response.
In addition, this type of psychological pain can make us feel they do not love us or feel rejected by them.
Feelings of being “useless” or “worthless” need to be communicated since it can have negative repercussions in your self-image and self-esteem, leading to anxiety and depression.
If you feel you can’t communicate this feeling with your parents, try to get help from a relative or a friend, and if you feel they can’t help try to seek professional advice.
Why is this blog about “why do my parents yell at me for everything”, important?
This blog about “Why do my parents yell at me for everything” can be helpful to understand what we could do when our parents yell at us “for no reason” or for everything we do.
It is important to remain calm, listen to them, breathe and try to solve the problem.
In some cases, it will be possible to communicate with them after they are calm and ready to talk.
However, if they refuse, or they keep yelling it is necessary to involve someone else that can serve as a mediator when you see possible or fit.
Also, remember that harsh verbal discipline can be as harmful as physical punishment.
Emotional pain can carry a lot of negative consequences, so the main idea is to communicate your feelings when possible and being as assertive as you can.
Please feel free to comment in the comments section!
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about “Why do my parents yell at me for everything?”
Is it normal for parents to yell at you?
It is normal in the sense that we have all experienced being overwhelmed or angry and yelling as the only way to express frustration and anger.
However, it is not the healthiest way to discipline or correct behaviors/attitudes.
If your parents yell at you only when you do something wrong, then there could be a possibility of solving the problem by communicating but if your parents yell at you constantly, then there may be something wrong.
Why does my mom always yell at me?
There could be many reasons why your mom always yells at you, and even some of them are not even related to something you have done.
She may be feeling exhaustion, frustration from unresolved problems or even have a mental illness that hasn’t been addressed.
Can yelling at a child be harmful?
Yes, yelling can cause an immense amount of emotional pain and discomfort, considered also as harmful as inflicting physical pain.
Long term it can result in mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, along with other difficulties with self-esteem and self-image.
What does yelling do to a person?
When someone yells at us, it is not necessary to inflict physical pain or someone hits at us.
Yelling can have also a harmful effect on people, you could have low self-esteem and/or low self-image because of it.
In addition, you could be feeling as if you were useless, stupid or as if something is wrong with you.
This can cause a lot of emotional pain and distress, deriving in mental illnesses such as anxiety or depression.
Why do I cry when my dad yells at me?
It is normal to cry when your dad yells at you, it is how you are responding to feeling the emotional pain about why he is yelling at you.
You can feel humiliated, intimidated, abandoned or feel as if he does not love you anymore.
However, we need to consider that people say awful things when they are angry and then regret it.
References
Thedoctorwillseeyounow.com
Wikihow.com
Fatherly.com