Why do I hate myself?

In this brief blog, we will be talking about why do I hate myself, reasons why do I hate myself, what to do when I hate myself, and more information about why do I hate myself.

Reasons why I hate myself

Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marr... x
Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marriage

There are two types of people, one who hates himself and the other who feels disturbed upon receiving hate from others. There are a lot of reasons why you hate yourself. The fact that you can determine why you hate yourself will enable you to know what you need to do to stop hating yourself.

The following are the reasons why you hate yourself:

  • Extreme self-criticism. A little bit of constructive self-criticism can help you notice your mistakes and correct them when you have the time. But once it starts making you feel bad about yourself, it’s no longer useful for you in the long run.
  • Unrealistic expectations. If you’re constantly falling short of your expectations, it might be time to reevaluate them in your life. Lowering your expectations might sound like a bad thing but you’re not doing yourself any favours by keeping your expectations impossibly high in your life.
  • Comparison. It’s easy to compare your weaknesses with everyone else’s strengths regularly in your life. Sure, you have flaws and have made mistake but so has everyone else such as the people you look up to and admire the most in your life.
  • Mistakes that you have made from the past. Maybe you’re holding a grudge against yourself for something you did a long time ago in some part of your life. There’s nothing you can do to change the past but you can learn from it and move forward in your life.
  • Feeling out of place in a certain place in your life. It’s important to find a group of people who are supportive and appreciate you in your life. This could be a support group or an online community regarding a shared interest that you have and the other person has.
  • Force of habit that you have made in your life. Once you make a habit of talking yourself down, it can be hard to stop in your life. The phrase I hate myself can sometimes be an intrusive thought which is something that just pops into your mind, with no real meaning behind it.

What to do when I hate myself?

There are plenty of ways for you to do when you hate yourself. There are some habits that we can’t stop even if it promotes our self-hatred.


  • All or nothing statements that you have made in your life. You see your life as a list of ultimatums, most of them resulting in catastrophe in your life. For instance, if you fail this exam, you’ll flunk out of college and be a total loser.
  • Only concentrating on the negative in your life. It doesn’t matter how good your day was such as sunshine, ice cream, and puppies where all you can think about is what went wrong.
  • Believing a feeling is a fact in your life. Instead of you feel like a failure, you think, you are a failure.
  • Low self-esteem. You don’t feel like you’re good enough to be around friends and family, to register for new jobs or to put yourself out there for new opportunities that could be good for you in your life.

You should not be afraid if all of these causes or one of these causes apply to you. There are some things that you can do to promote self-love in your life. 

Pay attention to your triggers in your life

The reasons mentioned above can guide you on how to be aware of what is making you feel resentment towards yourself. You can think about the following questions to guide you about this finding:

  • what you did at the time
  • how you felt during different activities at different times
  • who you were with throughout the day in your life

You can write about these triggers through a journal. You can also record yourself saying these triggers if you are more comfortable about that. 

Challenge your negative thoughts in your life

You need to be aware of what your negative thoughts are as well. You should be able to assert yourself from these thoughts since most of them aren’t true. 

You should be able to know more about yourself to guide you away from letting negative thoughts control your life. You can work on this by writing some of your negative thoughts and try to find rebuttals for each negative thought that you have come across. 

 Practice positive self-talk in your life

This is a continuation from the tip above. You need to work on making positive thoughts for your wellbeing.

This might be a hard task for you, especially if you are so used to hearing negative thoughts all the time. You can start by wearing some positive quotes on your wall to guide you to positive thinking.

Reframe your negative thoughts in your life

Reframing is a therapy strategy that can be used to address negative thoughts and self-hatred in your life. It’s typically done by simply shifting your thoughts to a slightly different perspective in your mind.

It might involve thinking upsides of a bad situation or considering a frustration in a new light in your life. However you decide to try it, this strategy is about training your brain to find and concentrate on the positive in your life.

Yes, it’s a small change in your life. But you’re taking an all-or-nothing statement and reframing it as a single instance in your life.

This helps the negativity not feel so overwhelming or permanent in your mind. After all, messing up one work presentation is only one instance and it means you can do better next time when you have an opportunity.

Spend time with people who make you happy in your life

Self-hatred can make you want to isolate from other people. You might feel like you don’t deserve to be around your friends or family when you have the time. 

Or you might feel like no one even wants to be around you at all in your life. While withdrawing from social situations may seem like the best action according to our negative self-talk, studies have shown this isn’t such a good idea for your wellbeing.

Connecting with others is a huge part of our mental well-being because social interaction helps us to feel better about ourselves even when we usually don’t feel good about ourselves. It creates an environment in which we feel valued and cared for in our lives.

The best way to combat these negative thoughts is to spend time with our loved ones, whether that’s a friend, family member, or partner so that you can do what you need to do for your wellbeing. Go for a coffee, see a movie together or simply visit while taking a walk together with these loved ones.

Social interaction can help you feel recharged and valued in your life. Consider talking to others dealing with similar complications online if needed. 

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has an online support group for people dealing with a range of concerns. The National Alliance on Mental Illness can also help you find a group in your area when you need the social support.

Practice self-compassion

This may be the hardest item on the list but it’s perhaps the most helpful for your wellbeing.

Self-compassion is different from self-love based on the terms. 

It means accepting your negative thoughts, mistakes, and failures, and understanding them as messy human moments in your life. It means forgiving yourself in the same way you’d forgive a loved one for snapping at you in a moment of frustration in your life.

The next time you find yourself spiralling down the self-hatred rabbit hole, try to cut yourself some slack in your life. Acknowledge that you aren’t feeling great and remind yourself that’s okay for your wellbeing.

Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes in their lives. Those actions don’t have to define you in the long run.

Of course, self-compassion doesn’t occur overnight in your life. But studies have shown that, much like reframing or meditation, self-compassion is a trainable skill in a lot of people.

 Ask for help from someone you trust

You need to remember that you’re never alone in your mental health journey. Everyone has been where you are at one point or another and most need a little help to get through that part in life.

It’s a good idea to practice the items on this list with the help of a trusted mental health professional such as a therapist. There’s no shame in asking for help from someone who knows what you’re going through. 

In fact, it’s the best way to learn how to manage your self-hatred and negative self-talk in your life.


You can find a therapist by thinking about the following questions:

  • What concerns do you want to address in your life? These concerns can be specific or vague for the therapist.
  • Are there any specific traits you’d like in a therapist when you choose? For instance, are you more comfortable with someone who shares your gender so that you can open up more?
  • How much can you realistically afford to spend per session with the therapist? Do you want someone who provides sliding-scale prices or payment plans when taking therapy?
  • Where will therapy fit into your schedule whether personal or professional? Do you need a therapist who can see you on a specific day of the week as needed by you? Or someone who has nighttime sessions in your area?

Next, start making a list of therapists located in your area as indicated. If you live in the U.S., head over to the American Psychological Association’s therapist locator for this.

It won’t come easily but it will eventually be in your toolbox, preparing you for whatever else life puts in your path in your life.

BetterHelp: A Better Alternative

Those who are seeking therapy online may also be interested in BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers plenty of formats of therapy, ranging from live chats, live audio sessions and live video sessions. In addition, unlimited messaging through texting, audio messages and even video messages are available here.

BetterHelp also offers couples therapy and therapy for teenagers in its platform. Furthermore, group sessions can also be found in this platform, covering more than twenty different topics related to mental health and mental illness. The pricing of BetterHelp is also pretty cost-effective, especially considering the fact that the platform offers financial aid to most users.


In this brief blog, we have talked about why do I hate myself, reasons why do I hate myself, what to do when I hate myself, and more information about why do I hate myself.

If you have any questions about why do I hate myself, please let us know and the team will gladly answer your queries.

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

FAQs: why do i hate myself

How do you stop hating yourself?

You can stop hating yourself by treating yourself like a friend, try to have a social media detox, don’t compare yourself to people, you’re more than your body, be kind to yourself, and write down compliments. 

Why my self-esteem is so low?

Your self-esteem is so low because of stress and complicated life events such as a chronic illness or a bereavement in the early years or recently. Personality can also be a cause of this aspect being low. Some people are more capable of negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves in their lives. 

What does hatred do to a person?

Hatred does an angry or resentful emotional response to a person which can be used against certain people or ideas. This kind of feeling is typically related to feelings of anger, disgust, and a disposition towards the source of hostility.

Why do I hate my body even though it’s good?

You hate your body even though it’s good because you don’t feel quite right inside your body such as the gender you’ve been assigned doesn’t match the way you feel inside. For people with mental health complications, they hate their bodies because they are persistently judgemental of themselves.

Is low self-esteem a mental illness?

No, low self-esteem is not a mental illness but can be associated with other mental illnesses, especially the symptoms. These kinds of illnesses such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, and personality disorders can be combined with this kind of aspect in a person. 


Healthline. 7 Ways to Shut the Door on Self-Hatred.


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