Why do I feel left out? (+5 coping tips)

This article will discuss what are the main reasons that may be causing you to feel that you are being left out of things. It will also show you how you can cope with this feeling.

Why do I feel left out?

If you feel that you are being left out, know that there are some reasons for that. Let’s learn what they are.

We have evolved 

Feeling left out can ultimately be related to our evolution process, and not only to the situation, but you are also in. We as humans were part of tribes and used to live in huge communities that focused on increasing the chances of survival, but also on mutual support. 

Now that this doesn’t happen anymore, it can often get people feeling left out like they don’t belong to the environment they are in. And when this happens, it can be an extremely scary situation.

Being left out causes pain 

We experience being left out as something that causes us pain. That happens because when we feel left out, rejected, or excluded, the area of our brain that is activated is the same one that is usually responsible to process physical pain.

You are lonely 

We will all feel lonely at some point in our life, but since it often comes from a sense of isolation that we don’t want to go through, it can be extremely painful. Aside from loneliness, feeling left out can also impact you in other ways. It can affect your sense of self-worth, and your self-esteem since those are built along with your social relationships.

You have trouble dealing with rejection

Dealing with rejection can be a matter for a lot of people, but the intensity of how rejection affects each of us can change. To a person that feels left out, rejection can cause them to question their most intimate values.

When feeling left out you can begin to ponder about your behaviors, and it can lead you to change them to live better amongst people.

You are the victim of bullying

Feeling left out may be an immediate consequence of being bullied. The core of bullying is to show people how they don’t belong with the bully. So when you feel left out because of that, people have an intention to make you feel like that.

How can I cope with feeling left out?

If you are feeling left out, there are ways to cope with it, here is what you can do.

Focus on embracing your emotions

You should know that it is okay to feel left out, it can happen to all of us at some point. Embracing this feeling, and trying to understand why it is happening can easily help you react to this less angrily. It can also prevent you from behaving in an enraged manner and retaliating against the people that you feel are leaving you out.

Give people the benefit of the doubt

Sometimes having low self-esteem can be a cause for feeling left out. You can begin to think that your friends are excluding you, or even if at some point something happens, and they forget to include you, it can have a huge impact on you.

Trying to think about how long you have known this person, how caring they have always been to you, and if they would intentionally hurt you can help you understand what feeling is guided by your low self-esteem, and what is being left out.

 Open yourself up to people 

Feeling left out often implies that you may close yourself to others in the fear of being left out again, or even that when you have someone in your life, all you can do is talk about the situation in which you feel left out, and this can only make people distance themselves from you even more.

What you should do is focus on engaging and creating new bonds with new people. Make the effort of inviting them to things, since that is a way you can guarantee that you will be included.

Try to look at things from a different perspective 

Instead of just stating that people are leaving you out, try to reflect on how important this relationship is for you. If you have talked to the person about how you are feeling, and there is still no change, try to consider if this is a relationship you want to have in your life.

Work on your confidence 

As said before, low self-esteem can be connected to feeling left out. So if you want to work on that, it may be a good idea for you to focus on working on your confidence. It will not only give you the chance of getting more people close through confidence, but it also is something that makes you cope with rejection differently.

Talk about it 

If someone’s actions are making you feel left out, the most important thing is that you can talk to them about it. But so they don’t get defensive, make sure to talk about how the situation is making you feel. 

In talking about it you also give them a chance to share if there is any particular reason why you were left out of that determined situation, or if there is something in your behavior that is leading people to exclude you. 

Keep in mind that the pain doesn’t last forever 

Feeling left out, or concretely being left out can be painful. But keep in mind that the pain is temporary. It is either something you will sustain, and keep close to people that are excluding you even though you talked to them about it, or it can pass as you allow yourself to explore other possibilities or connections, and relationships.

Meet new people

If you realize that you need to find new social circles to belong to, to not feel left out, opening yourself up to meet new people is important. It can be asking some coworkers out for a few drinks after work, meeting people from your church, or even joining a club, or a new hobby to meet people that are interested in the same thing as you are. Forming new bonds can give you a sense of belonging, and you won’t feel excluded anymore.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why do I feel left out? 

What are good ways to attract friends?

If you feel you need to attract more friends in your life, know that there are great ways to do it. The first one is as simple as asking people how they are doing. You should also keep in mind that friendship is an investment, and for it to last, you should focus on nurturing it.

When in contact with your friends, make sure you truly listen to them and make questions to show them you are interested in what they are saying. Aside from wanting to know more about them, you should also focus on opening yourself up to them, so make a point of sharing what you can with them.

Being authentic, and letting them see who you are can also be extremely important. As well as giving them compliments, and being aware that you show them, through your body language how much you appreciate them.

What are the signs of chronic loneliness?

Being lonely can manifest itself in many ways. It can make it harder for you to connect to people, even more so on a deeper level. You may find it difficult to have closer friends and the idea that someone gets you are distant.

It can also lead to an intense feeling of isolation, it doesn’t matter who is around you. In any space, you can feel alone, and even alienated, as if you can’t engage with the world around you. 

Ultimately, experiencing chronic loneliness can lead to a decreased sense of self-worth, and make you question yourself all the time. And when you try to connect to people, you can often feel like they don’t answer the way you expected them to. 

Finally, dealing with chronic loneliness can make you feel drained by social events, and it can even affect your immune system, your sleep, and your eating pattern.

Is being single bad for me?

No, there is nothing wrong with being single, and it won’t be detrimental to you if you see it positively. Being single, or in a relationship are status in your life, and each of them comes with its positive, and negative aspects.

What can be detrimental to you is being single if you feel that you want to be in a relationship at the moment. Even more so if you had someone specific that you wanted to be in a relationship with. In those cases, it is important to work towards identifying the reasons why you are single, and if there are any of them that are in your reach to change.

Making sure you open yourself up to people and see if there are any of them with whom you have the potential of developing a relationship can be helpful. But you should also focus on enjoying the moment you are in, and not only running towards finding the next partner. Discovering the positive things about being single will surely make it more fun for you.

What are signs I will be single forever?

You may be single forever if you feel that no one lives up to your standards, or if you enjoy doing things on your own too much. Having no desire to be in a relationship is also an indicator of it, as well as enjoying your freedom, and being happy alone.

Having an exciting social circle that doesn’t need to be made of a romantic partner, and having a lifestyle that happens easier when you are single are also great indicators you will be single forever.

It can also be that fearing commitment or having a life that you feel it’s fulfilled on your own can also lead to it. Focusing more on your friends, or having trouble trusting people can also be clear signs of it.

Why do I avoid people?

There may be many reasons why you avoid people, but most commonly people will avoid contact with others when they are afraid of being rejected by other people. When that is the case, even if they would enjoy being around people, they wouldn’t avoid doing it.


This article explained what are the main reasons that can be causing you to feel left out. It also explained what you can do when this is happening.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to write them in the section below.