Why do dumpers contact the dumpee?

In this blog we will answer the question “Why do dumpers contact the dumpee?”

Why do dumpers contact the dumpee?

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Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marriage

Here are some possible reasons as to why dumpers contact the dumpee after the break up:

Guilt

Irrespective of what reasons lead to the break up, there will come a point where the dumper feels guilty about their decision to break up.

After the break up they will also be weighed by guilt especially if they know that you will probably have a hard time about the breakup or if they are aware that you are struggling with the break up. 

They might feel guilty and sad about how this choice is affecting you even though they are aware that this is the best choice for them. 

To tie up loose ends

It is possible that your ex is reaching out to you to tie up loose ends especially when the break up was rushed. 

They might be contacting you to deal with issues related to your shared living arrangements with your ex, and bills etc.

If their intent to contact you has to do with these things- to be able to tie up loose ends and this is the only topic they talk about during the conversations, then it is safe to say that they are organising all loose ends to close this chapter in their lives. 

Boredom

Another reason as to why they might be reaching out to you could be because of their inability to fill the gap that you have left in their life. 

It is painfully true that in some cases, people who do not have the maturity to empathise with other people, which could be why they have the audacity to contact you after they have hurt you. 

It is possible that your ex is reaching out to you because they are bored and they might even be upfront about it and while it might hurt to hear, it is one of the more obvious reasons. 

While your ex might be single and might engage with other things and new people, it is very likely that they are not as active in connecting with others and might have the tendency to fall back on what is familiar.

Loneliness

They feel lonely so they connect with you to fill the void that has been left as a result of your break up and while one might be able to deal with boredom by doing something new, it is possible that your ex is having a hard time dealing with the loneliness they feel. 

Loneliness is a deep emotion and experience that cannot be simply brushed aside and after one loses a partner, the change in situation is drastic. 

It is very likely that your ex has noticed that there is a huge gap that is present now that was once filled with you and moments shared with you and this can lead them to feel lonely. 

Just because the dumper has started a new life does not mean that they are adapting well to the new life and new people, the struggle of connecting with others could add to their loneliness because of which they might choose to fall back on the dumpee because of the past that is shared. 

A Booty Call

This one is fairly straightforward and tends to be driven by loneliness and boredom. They might be reaching out to you to have sex with you again because they are having a hard time moving on to a new partner so soon after the break up.

Due to their inability to sexually connect with someone else, they might reach out to you because their exs are safe, familiar, and they can be themslevs when they are intimate with you. 

While it might seem selfish, the feelings they have and the needs that they are driven by- including sexual needs- could eb one fo the reason why the dumper contacts the dumpee.  

They miss the time shared

The dumper might reach out to the dumpee because they miss the time that was shared between them in the relationship including the emotional connection and support. 

It is likely that this will happen especially when the dumper is having a hard time with their new relationships, they might compare their new partners to the dumpee and feel nostalgic about the good times that were shared between them and their exes. 

When a couple breaks up, not only do they each lose their romantic partner, they each lose a friend as well, and that is probably what is hard to deal with when a relationship falls apart, 

While the dumper might not love the dumpee, it is likely that they miss the support, the positive memories, the feelings of acceptance and love that they experienced when they were with their ex. 

They are checking in

The dumper might also call the dumpee to check on how the dumpee is doing- whether they have moved on and how they are faring in a life without the dumper. 

While it might be odd considering that they are the one who broke up with their partner, it is a natural reaction to their curiosity. This checking in often occurs when they miss their partner and when they discern that the past was better than their present.

It might arise because they feel regret about their choices, they feel lonely, or because of the guilt they feel. They call because they want to know how quickly you moved on, and if you have moved on then who have you moved on with.

Seeking Closure

When a couple breaks up, the break up does not happen out of the blue and in most cases the dumper initiates the break up because they have been pushed to make this decision. 

They might break up as a result of their dissatisfaction and unhappiness in the relationship and when this happens, they might reach out after some time since the break up seeking closure. 

At times, when a break up happens in such a context, the dumper tends to have a hard time moving on because of their inability to find closure and they often reach out to their ex seeking for this closure. 

This could seem pointless since closure is often found from within however, they reach out to their partner because they believe that this is the only way. 

This form of contact can happen after they have had time to think about it, and has finally come up with everything they want and or need to say to their ex. So they reach out to discuss how they feel about the situation for them to get emotional closure.

Regret

Another reason as to why the dumper reaches out to the dumpee could be because they have regrets about the break up.

After some time, maybe a month or two, after the initial shock of the break up has settled down and the changes they have made have become more evenly paced out, it is possible that the entire experience will hit them now. 

Depending on how you react and how they are adjusting to their new singlehood, there will be moments when the dumper will regret their decision or doubt their choice to break up. 

This often happens when they are having a hard time adjusting to a new life without you and at this stage they might begin to have doubts and regrets about their choices. 

They might try to convince you to get back together, give them a  second chance in working things out etc. 

Conclusion

In this blog we explore some of the reasons why dumpers contact the dumpee. 

FAQ related to why do dumpers contact the dumpee

What does a dumper think of no contact?

For dumpers, the NO contact rule allows them the relief of not having to deal with the aftermath of the break up. They might feel excited about their new found freedom and have a sense of relief of not being tied down to a relationship they were unhappy in. 

Should the dumper do no contact?

If you are the dumper, it is advisable that you stick to the no contact rule to take some times apart and let the dust settle on the situation. 

Not contacting your partner will give both of you some time to process through the situation and work out difficult feelings as well. 

Who moves on faster after a breakup?

According to various studies done, women tend to move on faster after a break up compared to men. While men might appear to be unaffected by the break up in most cases, this is because they often deny their feelings. 

It is after a few months to a year when they are able to confront their feelings leading to the grieving process taking longer than women who tend to grieve almost immediately after the break up which is why they are able to move on faster. 

What makes dumper’s regret the break up?

Depending on how you react and how they are adjusting to their new singlehood, there will be moments when the dumper will regret their decision or doubt their choice to break up. 

This often happens when they are having a hard time adjusting to a new life and new relationships. 

How long does it take to accept the break up?

It might take 6 months to one year for a person to accept their break up and the first kind of acceptance that they might feel post a break up often comes in the form of surrender and the acceptance of one’s defeat.

In this stage they will come to terms with their final decision and begin to actively make changes in their life that was once tied to you. 

When does the break up hit the male dumper?

According to My Joy Online, the timeline as to when the break up hits the male dumper is between a month to six months after the break up. 

However, it has to be mentioned that this timeline is different for each man and it depends on various external and personal factors.

Do dumpers grieve too?

Yes, dumpers grieve too however less openly because they feel that they do not deserve to grieve because they are the ones who initiated the break up. However, it is advisable that, irrespective of who broke, one takes the time to grieve the loss of the relationship and hopes and dreams that one had. 

References

Why Does the Dumper Contact the Dumpee? (Top 10 Reasons). Making Sense of manliness. Retrieved on 4th April 2022., https://makingsenseofmanliness.com/why-does-the-dumper-contact-the-dumpee/

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