Why am I so irritable around my family?

This article will discuss what may be the reasons why you are feeling so irritable around your family. Aside from that, the article will explain ways you can deal with this situation.

Why am I so irritable around my family? 

Family is often seen as the people you should always get along with. But to some people? The family relationship may not be the best thing, and they can constantly feel irritable around them. And there are usually some reasons for that.

Poor attachment 

It can be that you had trouble, since your childhood, forming a bond with your parents. At that time of your life, it is extremely important that you feel secure with your family members, and that is what will allow you to feel safe, and loved.

If you felt that your parents were inconsistent, or rejected you, this can affect you throughout your life. It will often impact how you relate to other people, and how you feel around your family nowadays.

If they were inconsistent or rejected you, you may have feelings of anger towards them, which can ultimately make you feel more irritable around them.

History of abuse and neglect 

When people go through abuse or neglect, that can scar you all through your life. You may feel like your family didn’t protect you when they should, and even worse, put you in dangerous situations.

And even though you are dealing with the feelings brought on by this situation, you may still feel angry and a lot more irritable around your family.

Difficulty setting boundaries with the family members 

But if you haven’t gone through those huge traumatic situations, there are still reasons why you may be feeling more irritable when you are with your family. This can be extremely common in families that have trouble setting boundaries between their members.

Although some people may joke about it, not having boundaries in the family can lead people to not be seen as individuals, and they can usually disrespect each other’s privacy. 

When some family members try to stand up and be seen as an individual, the others may start to manipulate them, or put them through guilt trips as a way to control how they will behave.

That happens because in a family that has no boundaries it may be hard for people to understand that others won’t feel the same way as you do, so each time you do something different, they may try to pull you back and take no consideration on how you feel. 

In a family that has no boundaries, it is common for them to ask out of each other unreasonable things, which can often make you feel more irritable around them. In the same way, you may feel when they try to control you too much or are constantly comparing you to others or criticizing you. 

Having different values than your family

When you have a different values from your family members it can also be something that causes you to feel more irritable around them. As you grow up, you may have had life experiences that led you to believe and think differently than what your parents taught you. 

This may have happened in aspects such as religion, politics, or even in the simplest matter, such as having kids or not. Discussing these matters can often lead to arguing, making you more irritable every time you need to be in touch with your family.

Different expectations about your family role

It may also happen that your family is asking of you more or different things than what you think you should. You may be a lovely son, but your parents may expect you to behave, like their son, in a different manner. Maybe be more present, or care for them differently.

This will often lead to them complaining about your behavior, or even lack of care. This can make you feel underappreciated, set many arguments, and ultimately make you feel more irritable around them.

But if you feel like your family makes you more irritable, you should know there are ways to handle this situation. Let’s discuss what they are.

What can I do when I feel so irritable around my family? 

When you feel more irritable around your family, there are some things you may want to think about, and maybe take some action. Here is what is important.

Validate your feelings 

The first thing to do as you are feeling more irritable when you are with your family is to validate your feelings. Acknowledge them, and allow yourself to feel them. Try to understand that this is all coming from somewhere.

Your family relationship may have always been troubled, and now you are just dealing with the feelings brought up by it. Look back on your history, and you can try to write about it, to help you get a clear understanding of why you are feeling the way you do.

Think about how you can act 

Once you understand why you are feeling like that, it will be time for you to decide how to act. This is usually the moment you should decide if you will try to work on mending this relationship, or if it is something you should just let go of.

Try to heal the relationship 

If this is the first time you are having these thoughts about this relationship, it may be important to give it a try on healing. Understand how the relationship can improve and how each of you is willing to change, and begin the process.

Set boundaries and keep your privacy

It is extremely important that in this process you do things differently than you have done before. So if you feel your boundaries were constantly disrespected, it may be important to keep an attentive eye on them, the same goes for your privacy.

You need to understand if they are open to respecting you as you are, with your set of beliefs, and how you see yourself fitting into this family. So you can still be a part of it.

Make peace

Although you have spent some time and energy trying to find better ways to have a relationship with your family, in some cases it is impossible. If that is your case, you may feel bad, and sometimes even guilty for not being able to fix everything, but don’t blame yourself.

Keep in mind that you tried as hard as you could and that sometimes relationships won’t go on forever, even family relationships. Being stranded from your family may be strange, but sometimes it is an act of self-care.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why am I so irritable around my family? 

How can I deal with my anger towards my family?

If you are feeling angry towards your family, the first thing to do is to align what you expect of them with what they can give you. When those matters are not balanced, you may begin to feel angry at them through no fault of theirs. People will never fill exactly what you need from them.

Being easy on them, and knowing you won’t be able to control others is an important tool to prevent you from being angry toward your family. And if you feel you need to work in a relationship with them, try to listen to what they are saying. Know that the more genuinely you listen to them, it is likely they will listen to you as well.

Keep in mind that in the same way your family members are not perfect, you are not as well. Know that it is likely that all of you are just trying your best. This means you should try to be compassionate to them, and yourself for this relationship to improve.

What can cause irritability?

Irritability can be caused by several factors. It can be that dealing with a stressful situation can make you more irritable. The same way as not sleeping well. It is common for people that are going through a mental health condition, such as depression, to feel more irritable. Because of that, you must look for the mental health professional.

Irritability can also be related to matter happening in your body. It can be connected to low blood sugar and some hormonal changes. But if you feel irritable for a prolonged period, you should look for a physician, since it can often be related to some sort of infection and diabetes. 

How can I be less irritable?

There are some ways you can be less irritable in general. So if you feel like the irritability is hurting your life, you should try to understand why this is happening. 

But you should also prevent yourself from taking too much alcohol and caffeine. Aside from that, taking a look from a different perspective can help you become less irritable.

Doing some exercise will likely help you feel less irritable, in the same way as taking some time to do things you enjoy. Try to keep a healthy lifestyle by eating healthy and sleeping well. Moving away from your phone will also help since all the information you get may cause you to feel irritable.

Laughing and avoiding complaining out loud will also help you feel less irritable since it can make things lighter. Be close to people that will make you feel good, so call a friend or spend some time together.

Can family be toxic? 

Yes, a family can have toxic dynamics. It can be that the family is lacking structure, or doesn’t respect one another. When a family has a structure that leads them to abuse one another, physically, sexually, or even verbally, it can be a huge sign of a toxic family relationship.

Even though we are in a society that often says people should get along with their family, keep in mind that you should never maintain a relationship with anyone toxic.

When is it time to cut off my family?

If you notice that you are in a family relationship, which you have tried to work through many times, it can be that it is time to cut them off from your life. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed to do so. Try to keep in mind that your mental health is the most important thing.


This article showed some of the reasons why you may be feeling so irritable around your family. Aside from that, it explained the best ways you can deal with the situation.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.




Was this helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!