Why am I so attracted to him? (a guide to attraction)

In this blog post, we answer the following question: Why am I so attracted to him? If you have ever felt a strong, instantaneous sexual attraction to someone that you find really difficult to resist and unable to explain it, here are the reasons behind it.

Why am I so attracted to him?

Although the laws of attraction have been studied for a long time, and we find variants of the answer in many studies, a concrete analysis of the real reasons that each of us has is impossible to perform.

Beyond personal experience, expectations and values, their own personality traits, there are also ingredients that turn theories upside down.

Even we, those who say we know each other very well, end up being surprised by the intensity of certain feelings, which we do not explain to ourselves or to which we would have positioned ourselves, saying “I never…”. It is not for nothing that we say “never say never.”

So where does irresistible sexual attraction come from? What does this thing mean? What is she hiding behind it? It is obvious that in us there is a tendency towards excess and a desire (perhaps hidden) to fulfil or satisfy a certain need. Which is rarely really just sexual…

The most widely circulated theory is that of resemblance. If you have certain physical features and a certain degree of attractiveness, you will feel attracted to similar people, who are on the same level as you.

However, what is for sure is that we all like those with a high attractiveness score. But the chances to get engaged are minimal, on the principle “I found the man of my dreams just to find out that I am not the woman of his dreams“.

The studies of the phenomenon of sexual attraction do not explain it very well. We can say that the object of our desire is outlined by a mixture of biology and personal experiences, by a pattern (why not), but the answers are not enough. And the question: is too strong a sexual attraction possible? The answer is: YES.

And certain psychology circles warn us as follows: when you feel something like that, take it as a sign that you have to run in the opposite direction. Nothing good comes out of here.

It’s hard to accept… and resist, obviously. It’s like the chocolate cake you see in the middle of a diet. Willpower can work, but also by comparison… what can be wrong with a mind-boggling sex game?

The first problem is fixed here: you have no way of knowing what sex will be like, no matter how much attraction you feel, and it seems that it is not recommended to try to find out.

Of course, there must be a sexual attraction when looking for / finding a partner, otherwise, we are talking about the group of friends or the continent known as “friendzone“.

But the attraction must be moderate, within natural limits, with some incitement towards the element of novelty (as is natural) but also with a substrate related to the rest of the values, which we rationally choose in a partner.

At the same time, we do not include one-night stands here. Even there, there is sexual attraction, but the need is simply for a sex party, and it does not develop into an uncontrolled passion.

You may know someone who unleashes the most uncontrolled sexual desires in you, and it would be good to leave around this person. Why? Because the intensity of your desires is given by a mix of primitive (and dysfunctional) feelings and beliefs.

Moreover, when you know someone who triggers this uncontrollable desire, the basis of your feelings is an unrecognized idealization.

Basically, what you actually feel is a distorted belief that this person will give you an emotional fulfilment of needs that have long remained unmet. In short: it’s not just sex!

The real reasons behind “Why am I so attracted to him”

People who feel sexual attraction like “I have to have you now” often have a personal history of mental trauma and neglect.

What kind of mental trauma? It can be sexual abuse in your personal history, or a pattern of extreme dysfunction – an adult who drew you into a relationship that was physically or emotionally dangerous.

Neglect is an important component – a parent or caregiver who did not give us the attention and support we needed, around whom our feelings and thoughts were not important.

Here is a long discussion about the attraction we can have to more mature partners, with whom we try to resolve certain dysfunctional relationships with our parents.

And if there are such landmarks in our past, then too strong a sexual attraction to someone should be interpreted as an alarm signal, nothing more.

It is the fruit of fantasy because for a long time we were deprived of fulfilling certain needs, and now we live with the belief that there is someone “there” who can save and heal the emotional wounds we have suffered in the past.

It should be noted that people who feel such a level of attraction also show addictive tendencies. They can develop addictions, whether we are talking about alcohol, food, smoking or certain activities.

Attraction like this is seen as a drug or stimulant, and it is virtually impossible to reach satisfaction when such feelings are triggered.

In short: you will never get tired, it will not be enough. If you manifest various addictions, with the known or denied the role of filling a gap, be careful when looking for a romantic partner.

Obviously there must be an attraction, but constantly, waiting for the dynamics of the attraction to change during a love affair. Because successful relationships are based on emotional availability and not on the intensity of physical desire.

When the latter is invasive, the real feeling is to feel the need to consume as soon as possible, with the thought that that person will slip through your fingers…

So, look for a person who inspires confidence and constancy, learn to analyze your own pattern, do not look for solutions that heal you overnight (this is a long process that depends on you) and do not forget that to have a functional and satisfying relationship, you must have common beliefs and values.

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

FAQ on Why am I so attracted to him

What makes you attracted to someone?

There are different things that make us attracted to someone. These depend on our personality, personal history and beliefs. Generally, we are attracted by people who are mysterious, who make us feel good, people with a certain charisma.

What does it mean when you are sexually attracted to someone?

When you are sexually attracted to someone it means that you find that person appealing, attractive, beautiful – and that you would like a sexual relationship with that person. 

How do I stop catching feelings so fast?

To stop catching feelings so fast you have to take more care of yourself, to practice self-love. We tend to fall in love quickly if we love ourselves less, thus we need a partner to help us fill a void. 

How does a man act when he’s falling in love?

When a man is falling in love he will let you know. You will notice that he cares about you more, he wants to spend more time with you, he is genuinely interested in getting to know you better. He is also emotionally available and willing to share his feelings with you. 

What attracts a man to a woman physically?

A number of studies show that men tend to be attracted to women who show indicators of youth and vitality. These include bright eyes, smooth skin, full lips, symmetrical features, and a narrow waist compared to the hips.

What are women attracted to?

Women are physically attracted to indicators of optimal health and traits that give them the ability to protect themselves and their children: broad shoulders, narrow hips, athletic features, a strong jawline and a deep voice. 

Why am I so attracted to him? (a guide to attraction)

Conclusions

In this blog post, we answered the following question: Why am I so attracted to him? If you have ever felt a strong, instantaneous sexual attraction to someone that you find really difficult to resist and unable to explain it, here are the reasons behind it.

The world revolves around sex, sexual attraction, pheromones and hormones. Sexual energy is the driving force of humanity, but at the same time, it turns people’s lives upside down, making them lose their heads.

It is very difficult to summarize in one word the sexual energy that one sees in another. It’s something you can’t describe in words, something you can rather see on a person’s face.

However, sexual attraction is not to love, but a crazy passion. An insatiable desire for sex and the satisfactions it causes. A person you feel sexually attracted to can make you lose your mind. To literally fall to her knees and let yourself be defeated by her charms.

When you find such a person, you feel like in Heaven. Especially if you win his heart. In general, desire and love are compatible.

But, it can happen to enter a vicious circle in which to destroy your obsession and desire for things that are no longer possible. Maybe that person is married or you are married. Or there is simply no chance for a serious relationship.

If you have any questions or comments on the content, please let us know!

Further reading

Love Factually: The Science of Who, How and Why We Love, by Laura Mucha 

The Science of Love, by John Baines 

Everything I Know About Love, by Dolly Alderton

The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References

Huffpost.com -The Strange Science Of Sexual Attraction

Psychologytoday.com – What Raises—or Lowers—Your Sexual Attraction to Someone?

Deeperdatingpodcast.com – The Truth About Sexual Attraction That No One Discusses

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