Why am I depressed after I got engaged?

This article will center on discussing why some people may start to feel depressed after they get engaged. It will show what are the signs you are experiencing depression after your engagement, and ways you can deal with it.

Why am I depressed after I got engaged? 

Getting engaged can be a stressful moment that can often affect your mood, leading you to feel depressed. Be it because of the wedding party you need to plan, or all the changes that marriage will bring to your life, there are many reasons why you can feel this way after your engagement. Let’s discuss the main reason.

You are faced with the need for planning 

It can be extremely stressful to think you need to plan a huge party from scratch. You need to remember all that is necessary to have a good wedding party, deal with the guest list, and the sitting chart.

There is so much to do that it can become overwhelming, leading you to feel depressed. Aside from that, you may need to deal with other people’s expectations and hopes for this day. Your mother and your mother-in-law may have a lot to say about the wedding day, which can make you even more stressed.

After the party, your life will be completely changed 

You may have dreamed your whole life about finding someone you love, marrying them, and building a life together. But once you are engaged, thinking of what is to come can lead you to become depressed. 

And this has nothing to do with not knowing if you love your partner, or having cold feet. Even though you want to start a life with them, you may go through a period of grief for that life you had, that is about to end.

Your single life will be done as soon as you get inside that wedding. Aspects of your identity will be forever changed. You won’t be just the daughter anymore or just the professional person. You will be somebody’s life partner. Thinking about that, and dealing with the grief of all that will be lost can be overwhelming. 

And that is not all, you may even get a whole new name after the wedding, meaning that you will not only lose things but gain them on that day. So processing all of these complex situations can take a toll on your emotional well-being. 

There will be new challenges ahead 

From the moment the wedding ends, you are faced with something you may never have been through in a marriage. Just the thought of dealing with the unknown can lead you to be depressed.

You may start to think about how you and your partner will be living together, how it will change the relationship you had so far, and you may fear there will be a lot of trouble. It is not possible to say there will be trouble, but there will certainly be a lot of adjusting. And thinking about this situation can make you depressed.

People don’t understand how you feel

Another important reason why you may feel depressed when you are engaged is related to your relationship with other people. They may expect you to be constantly happy and smiling about your upcoming wedding and marriage.

And since you are experiencing all of these emotions, such as fear, grief, and insecurity, they may not know how to answer, or even understand what you are saying. This can make you feel alone, and like there is something wrong with you.

But if you are engaged, and are feeling depressed, know that this can be a common reaction to all the changes going on in your life, and there are ways you can cope with it. So let’s discuss what are the ways you can do that.

How can I cope with depression after I get engaged? 

If you feel that being engaged, and all that comes with it is making you depressed, here are ways you can cope. 

Accept your feelings 

The first thing you can do for yourself is to accept your feelings. Always keep in mind that you are going through a lot at this moment, and even though it is a happy moment, it doesn’t mean that it won’t have its tough times. 

If you try to fight against your feelings and keep telling yourself you are wrong, there is a huge chance it will only make you feel worse. Try to look at your pain through caring eyes, and allow it to flow. This doesn’t mean you will be sad all the time, if you let your pain flow, it will pass pretty soon.

Be good at compromising 

While you are planning your wedding, and even though your marriage, a great lesson is to learn how to compromise. Keep in mind the wedding you want to have, but be open to listening to what your partner and the mothers have to say.

The final decision should be yours and your partner’s. This is your day, so compromising what each of you wants from it, can be the safest way to have a peaceful wedding day. 

Aside from that, keep in mind that you are not responsible for dealing with other people’s expectations around this day. Focus on what you and your partner want.

Talk about it with your partner 

Although you may be scared to talk to your partner about all the insecurities running through your mind, talking to them may be the best thing. Chances are they are feeling the same. They can also be afraid of what it will mean to be married and can feel that some part of their identity will also change or be gone after the wedding.

This doesn’t mean, for either of you, that there is no love in the relationship, or that you are doubting the feelings you have. It just means that both of you know this is a big change in your life. And being able to understand and support each other through that can be a chance to strengthen yourself even more in your relationship.

Look for help

Dealing with all of that in your mind can be bad, especially if you are doing it alone. If you feel people around you aren’t listening or understanding what you are saying, it may be time to look for people that will.

You can try to find online groups with people that are engaged, and feeling depressed, talk to other groups of friends, or even look for professional help. It is important to find a space to vent, in which you don’t feel strange for feeling how you feel. 

Talking it out will give you a chance of understanding your emotions better, and organize them in a way that makes more sense to you.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why am I depressed after I got engaged? 

What is situational depression?

Situational depression is a type of depression that happens when a person is going through a huge change in their life, for example, getting married. In situational depression, you can feel your life will be forever changed after this event, and you become depressed because you don’t know how to cope.

Situational depression will usually go on until the person adjusts to their new reality, and gets a sense of their identity now that things have changed. So if someone is engaged, and feeling depressed because of all that will change in their life after the wedding, once they get married and adjust to this new role, it is most likely that the situational depression will go away.

Is it easier to become depressed when I am engaged if I have a history of depression?

Yes, it may be easier than you will develop a depressive episode during your engagement if you have a history of depression. That is because the engagement and all things leading up to the wedding can be extremely stressful. 

If you have a history of depression, it can be that you are more easily affected by stressful situations, and they can take a heavier toll on you. That is why it may be so important to care for your mental health during this period.

What are signs I shouldn’t marry?

If you are in a relationship, and you are considering marrying someone, know it may not be the moment to get married if you feel like you or your partner are not ready or willing to compromise since a great part of a relationship is based on that.

If you have trust issues or are insecure with your partner, it may be a sign that you shouldn’t get married. The same way if you feel you are not done exploring and meeting new people. Which will only lead both you and your partner, to hurtful experiences.

If you feel that someone in your relationship is always picking a fight, it can be a sign that this is not a relationship to get married, unless you both work on the conflicts. Keeping secrets from one another is also a problem. 

It is not necessary to tell each other absolutely everything but sharing things that matter is essential. And finally, you shouldn’t get married if you are doing it for the wrong reasons, for example, because you don’t want to be single anymore.

What are the most common symptoms of depression?

Depression can often lead you to experience intense sadness, along with a loss of interest even in things you used to love. Your energy levels will also go down, and you can experience intense fatigue, along with a difficulty focusing, and a sense of hopelessness.

Aside from that, depression will make you feel more irritable, guilty, and helpless. It can make you cry, and change your eating and sleeping patterns. Your self-esteem and sense of self-worth will go down when you are depressed. And you can begin to isolate yourself. 

Depression can also lead people to self-harm, and in more serious cases, it can cause the person to have thoughts about death or even suicidal thoughts.

What are the factors that can lead to depression?

Some factors can lead a person to depression. It can happen easier when a person has a history of depression in the family, which indicates the genetic trait of depression. It can also happen when a person is going through a chemical

imbalance in their brain.

And finally, a person will often get depressed when they are going through a traumatic situation, such as a divorce, the loss of a loved one, or even dealing with the change in their identity that can come from being engaged and getting married.


This article showed why some people may feel depressed after they get engaged. It also explained what are the signs this may be happening, and how you can cope with this situation.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.