When your friends abandon you (What to do)

In this article, we will learn what to do when your friends abandon you, what does it feel like when your friends abandon you, and things to remember when your friends abandon you 

What to do when your friends abandon you? 

Here are a few things you can do when your friends abandon you. 

  • Take your time to heal 
  • Give them some space 
  • Talk to  a professional 
  • Talk about the reason 
  • Apologize 
  • Make new friends 
  • Forgive your friends

It is not easy when friends abandon you. You feel all alone and have no idea what to do. Remember, the pain will be there, but it will not be there at the same intensity. You will get better. Life will move on. You might find new friends or just learn to live alone. But to reach that state it is important that you do something about your friends abandoning you. 

Here are a few things you can follow to make the process a little better. 

Take your time to heal 

Never rush the process of healing. When a friend abandons you, you are hurt, you are left without any gaud. It is not easy to let that feeling go. Therefore, do not rush it. Take your own time. Take weeks or months until you feel okay about it. Do not pretend to be okay until you are actually doing fine. Healing rightly is the first step to removing grief. And to remove your grief you need to grieve. Therefore take all the time in the world, and do not pay attention if someone says you are weak. Every individual is unique and therefore has a unique way of healing too. 

Give them some space

If someone does not want to be in touch with you or be a part of your life, the right thing to do is give them their own space and time. Do not bombard them with your feelings and thoughts. If they are upset with you, they just need some space to cool off. If you keep nagging them, you will only worsen the situation. It is important that you respect your friends who decided to let go of the friendship because they simply do not want to be a part of it. You cannot force any kind of relationship on the other. 

Talk to a professional 

If taking some time off does not help you or your situation is only getting worse, then you can also visit a mental health professional. Dealing with a loss is never easy. We do not know what to do next. There might be a lack of closure. All this will only take a toll on your mental health. Therefore it is important that you visit a professional who can help you clear your views, feelings, and thoughts. What a therapist offers is a third-person perspective. Something that you might be lacking in order to move forward from your break up with your friends. 

Talk about the reason

If your friends are ready, it is important that you talk about what happened. Imagine just getting cut off from a friendship without knowing any reason. That is no closure. Therefore, willingly and peacefully, talk to your friends. Ask them what and how things went wrong. If you can rectify them, go ahead with it. If not, then understand their concern and give them the spec they ask for. Once you know the reason, and if it is your mistake, make sure you work on improving yourself. 

Apologize 

Of course, it is wrong and heartbreaking when your friends abandon you. It might look like they are the bad guys. But, they also might have a genuine reason. It is not true that you are right always. The reason your friends might have abandoned you is that you might have done something unacceptable. Hence, it is our basic etiquette to apologize for whatever you have done. Remember, just because you have apologized does not mean that you are off the hook and things can go back to normal. You need to make sure that your friend is okay with your presence and has no issues whatsoever, even if this takes weeks or months. 

Make new friends 

What has happened cannot be changed. Your friends have abandoned you, you have taken all your time in the world to heal, now it is time to make new friends. I am not saying it is easy to forget the friends you had and make new ones. But I am saying that you need to look at what life has to offer you next. Get out there. Deepen the old friendships or make new ones. You can join a workshop or a class or go to the gym, walk your pet in the park, join different clubs at the educational institute or your workplace. This way you can meet new people and make new friendships. With technology advancing, we also have various online apps to make friendships. So hunt for them and you are good to go. 

Forgive your friends 

The most important thing to do is to forgive. Not for them but for yourself. Have you ever heard the phrase forgiveness is a virtue? Because this is true. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is the most difficult thing to do. You are hurt and angry and want to take revenge. But instead, you need to calm yourself down accept the situation and let it go. Let them go by forgiving them. Forgiveness is not only for them but for your betterment too. Once you forgive someone, you end the chapter there. You do not hold a grudge anymore. This only brings peace to your life and also a place for new things. Forgiving helps you let go of the past and you can look forward to the future. 

Both forgiving and apologizing are extremely important. 

What does it feel like when your friends abandon you? 

Abandonment is not something we wish would happen to us. Imagine one day you have a perfect life. You have friends and family you can fall back on, and suddenly you do not have them. They are no more a crucial part of your life. This leaves you world-shaking. You are left in chaos, where you have no idea what is going to happen and how to fill this void. 

Friends play an important role in every individual’s life. We are social animals and we look for support.  Therefore, a friend circle is the most vital part of our socialization. When our friends abandon us, we do not understand anything. It is like our lifeline is taken away from us. The one person you thought will be a part of your life until you lie on your deathbed is suddenly ignoring you and cutting you off for a reason unknown to you, is not only heartbreaking but something that shakes all the five senses in your body. 

There are seven stages one goes through after a friend abandons them. They are : 

Stage 1: Shock and Denial 

Here you are highly confused and upset about what happened. You do not want to believe that your friends have abandoned you. Somewhere you think that things might go back to what they were. 

Stage 2:  Loss

In this state, you realize that your friends are no more a part of your life. You feel a huge void in your life and look out for your memories with them. 

Stage 3: Self Blame 

At this point, you might start to think about what went wrong. You might start to blame yourself and look out for all the things that you have done wrong. You start to believe that you are the reason why friendship has ended. 

Stage 4: Embarrassment and Shame 

At this point, you are worried about what the other might think of you. You are constantly apprehensive if you will be able to make friends again, given your situation. You think everyone knows that something is wrong with you hence, your friends have abandoned you. 

Stage 5: Anger 

At this stage, you are angry and filled with rage. You want to know what went wrong. You want to prove to the world that you are not wrong. You are upset that your friend let go of a friendship that you have built with much effort and time. 

Stage 6: Acceptance

You are finally at the stage where you realize that friendships break. You come to an acceptance that this has happened to you. You accept that maybe you are better off without each other. You may feel a sense of peace and forgiveness.

Stage 7: Relief

At this stage, after the calm and peace, you feel relief. You are relieved that you could let go off the friendship. You may realize that the friendship wasn’t actually as perfect as you had once believed. You now have the opportunity to explore new friendships for a new season in your life.

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.

Things to remember when your friends abandon you 

Apart from how to cope, there are a few things you need to keep in your mind when a friend abandons you. 

You need to realize that it is often about them than it is about you. 

We happen to assume that it is usually about us and we are the reason why a friend is abandoning you. But it is not always true. Sometimes they are abandoning you for reasons that are not related to you. 

There is something more going on than you realize 

When a friend is abandoning you, it isn’t what it looks like. It is not that simple. There is more to that story. You need to dig in and dig in right to understand what is happening and why it is happening. 

The pain does not go away, but the intensity surely decreases 

Friends abandoning is one of the hardest things to deal with. But just like any other heartbreak, the pain reduces eventually. It may feel like your world is ending, but it is not. You will cope up and fight like you used to. The idea of them not being your friend hurts, but it gets better.

Not all friendships end up like this 

You may be afraid that all your friendships might end up being like this. But no, just because you faced something once, does not mean that you will face that again. 

Friendships always come with risk. 

Nothing in this world is without the risk of losing. Friendships and relationships all come with the risk of losing them. But this does not mean that you will not try. 

Conclusion 

In this article, we have learned what to do when your friends abandon you, what does it feel like when your friends abandon you, and things to remember when your friends abandon you. 

FAQs: When your friends abandon you

What are the signs your friendship is over? 

  • You only catch up on social media. 
  • They are not at all present during milestones in your life.
  • Conversations are awkward and you put off speaking to them.
  • You’re 100% ok with the fact that you no longer speak.
  • It’s become a one-way relationship. 

What does it mean when your friends leave you out?

When your friends leave you out, it means that they have excluded you and do not want you to be part of their group. 

Why do friends ignore you?

Friends usually ignore you if they are upset with you or angry with you. 

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References 

https://pairedlife.com/friendship/How-to-Handle-It-When-A-Friend-Cuts-You-Off

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/friendship-breakup-advice

https://www.thereelanna.com/encouragement-for-when-a-friend-abandons-you/

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