When is love not worth it?

This article will discuss when love is and when it is not worth it. For that, the article will explain what people usually look for in a romantic relationship, why it can seem that it is hard to find, to a point that people think of giving up trying. 

What is love? 

Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marr... x
Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marriage

Love is a set of emotions and behaviors one has directed to another person. It is composed of intimacy, meaning that people share their private thoughts, along with passion, and commitment. Love is made of attraction, attachment, meaning the need to be with the other person. Along with trust, caring for one another, and closeness. 

Love is usually related to positive emotions, since it causes people to, most of the time, feel happy, excited, and with a fulfilled life. But it is not always like that. In some situations, love can be connected to negative emotions such as jealousy, anxiety, and stress.

John Lennon wrote in his songs, in which he exalted love, that all you need is love. And that might be true in some periods of life, or to some people. Love is usually a cultural and biological phenomenon, it seems to be present, although expressed differently, in every culture as well as for each person. But the biological aspect of it might be similar in every culture.

There are many types of love. It can be a friendship, infatuation, meaning the period of the relationship when the attraction is there, and there is some sort of commitment. There is also passionate love, this one is marked by an intense feeling of longing and attraction, which involves some sort of idealization of the person.

There is also compassionate love, the one that is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment. And there is unrequited love, that is what happens when only one person is in love.

What are people looking for in relationships?  

People are usually looking for what love is. They want the attraction and intimacy of it, people want a relationship with people they can count on, and feel an exchange of care.

But the concept of what people want from love changes as they get older. When people are younger, the attraction and sexual part of a relationship seem to be the most important thing. 

But as people reach their thirties, and start to think about settling down, the connection in which a relationship is based, is mostly related to shared worldviews and their purpose in life.

Although attraction and sex life are always important, it seems, at that point, the connection is placed in many other things. And it goes on like that the older the person gets. The sense of companionship, commitment, caring, and closeness becomes more and more important.

When is love not worth it? 

Pretty much everyone will go through heartbreak in their life, and sometimes, after people go through it, they start questioning if love is worth all the energy you put in it, and all the heartache.

It is difficult to affirm to anyone if love is worth it or not. This is a subjective decision, that is related to what the person is looking for in that period in their lives, what are their priorities, and how much they want to invest in meeting someone.

But if you know you want to open yourself up to meet someone new, there are still some things one needs to be aware of as to not devote themselves to a relationship that has no future, or that you are mostly idealizing it.

The first thing to know is that even though you like someone it doesn’t mean they will like you back, or even be compatible with you. When a person is in love, they tend to idealize their partner, so try to be aware and observant if you are both expecting similar things out of life and the relationship. 

If the goals and dreams are too different, it might be that the relationship was supposed to end even before it began. Another matter to be aware of is that love doesn’t solve everything. Although it might be the force behind what makes people try to make relationships work, sometimes it might be important to admit defeat and realize there was nothing else to be done. 

This can be something to prevent a person from continuing in a toxic or abusive relationship. Realizing the roller-coaster that is a toxic relationship, that has its moments of intense love, followed by the crisis and the intoxicating love that comes after, to make you believe things will change, is the first step to get off it. And this is related to the last matter to be aware of. 

People should be aware that love is not worth sacrificing themselves for. Pay attention to how much you’ve been giving to the relationship, and how much has it given back to you. Of course, there is always a part of yourself that you give away to be in a relationship. But always keep in mind what is worth giving up, and what are aspects of yourself that you feel you should never give up on.

This will guide you to understand how to set your boundaries, to keep them set during the relationship, and when to get out of it if your boundaries keep being disrespected.

When is love worth it?

In the same way, it is impossible to say when love is not worth it, it is impossible to say when love is worth it. But if a person is in a relationship, although it will have its problems, people should feel like they are investing their energy and affection in what brings them joy, makes them feel cared for and supported.

It is a fine line to distinguish why one should be or not in a relationship. This is a subjective decision, but just remember that you shouldn’t be in a relationship because you are afraid of being alone. You should be in one because you feel your life with that person is better.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): When is love not worth it?

Is it possible to stop loving someone?

Yes, it is possible to stop loving someone. To do that one should first accept they are still in love with the person. Pretending you don’t feel how you feel will only demand more energy from you. 

What you can do is to take the love you have for that person, and put it on yourself. Try to understand why you still feel like that, but know that love is not all logic.

You still might think about them often, but distractions might help, and so will put your energy on yourself. Find other things you love and how you can learn more about yourself. 

At some point, it might be good to look at them with their real eyes, not with idealization. Knowing that they are a person with their faults might help you not assume that everything was your fault.

If you seem to be needing someone to talk about, count on your friends and even therapy might be a good idea. And don’t expect too much of yourself, take time to focus on yourself, and in time, things will feel normal again.

Can I still love a person even after I move on?

Yes, it is completely normal to still love a person even after you have moved on. What can happen is that the type of love can change, and what used to be romantic love, can turn into a loving friendship, or it might even be a love from a distance, in which people are not even in touch anymore, but still feel love for the other person.

It might also be that it is a love that is there based on what was lived. One can love what the relationship was, and although being in it didn’t make sense anymore, people can still have a deep appreciation for what they lived through.

But if the case is that the person still has romantic feelings for someone even after they are over, and they have met other people, it can just mean that they occupy different spaces of love inside you. 

What is the feeling of true love?

True love will usually feel like acceptance. It feels like the person knows you deeply and still accepts, even though sometimes they might not understand who you are. It might feel like the person is embracing not only the idealization they have of you but who you are deep in your soul.

It might also be a love that makes you feel safe like you don’t need to doubt what the other is feeling, things are said and are out in the open, and your deep connection makes dealing with the troubles easier because you will know how to listen and comfort the other. It is not a discussion to prove who is right and who is wrong. 

It is an exchange of points of view, and in that, you’ll try to be caring to the other. Not letting your ego get the best of you.

Can I fall in love with someone I haven’t seen yet?

The first thing to say here is that falling in love with someone you haven’t seen might be risky. So be careful. But with that said, it is possible to fall in love with someone you haven’t seen before. But usually, without meeting the person face to face, it might be that you are actually in love with the idea you have of this person.

Online people can show what they want of themselves, and they will usually hide the hard parts, and those are also a part of a relationship, and it is a really important one. So be aware when meeting someone online so you don’t build a life on something that won’t ever come true.

Can social media destroy a relationship?

Social media can end a relationship. What is important in this matter is that the couple discusses their agreements and boundaries. What is accepted and what’s not. 

And if the person acts out of what was agreed on, it might be that a person using social media can end a relationship. If people start having disrespectful conversations, it might even be considered a betrayal. 


This article discussed what is love, what people expect of a romantic relationship, what causes people to feel like love is not worth it, and what are the alternatives to having a romantic relationship in your life. 

Aside from that, the article discussed what feelings and things make love worth the effort it takes.

If you have any questions or comments about this article feel free to write it in the section below.


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