When does dumpers remorse set in?

In this blog we will answer the question “When does dumpers remorse set in?”

We will also discuss why dumper’s remorse occurs and what are the various stages of a dumper’s remorse.

When does the dumper’s remorse set in?

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The time it takes for a dumper’s remorse to set in depends on various factors and it can differ from person to person- one average it is suspected to set in by a few weeks or a month. 

According to writers at My joy online, the dumper might experience regret within about a month to six weeks after breaking up with their ex whereas the writers at The Attraction Game, note that the dumper will most probably start regretting their decisions after a month.

The break up of a relationship is different for a dumper versus the dumpee however, it does not mean that the dumper is unaffected. 

While it might appear that the dumper is faring well after the break up, it is generally the case that the dumper takes a little more time to grieve the relationship post a break up.

It is often after their feelings of relief and elation due to their new found singlehood subsides and the consequences of their decision sets in, that they experience pains of remorse and regret. 

Why does the dumper’s remorse happen?

Dumper’s remorse can occur due to many reasons some of them include:

Guilt

Irrespective of what reasons lead to the break up, there will come a point where the dumper feels guilty about their decision to break up.

After the break up they will also be weighed by guilt especially if they know that you will probably have a hard time about the breakup or if they are aware that you are struggling with the break up. 

They might feel guilty and sad about how this choice is affecting you even though they are aware that this is the best choice for them. 

Loneliness

Loneliness is a deep emotion and experience that cannot be simply brushed aside and after one loses a partner, the change in situation is drastic. 

It is very likely that your ex has noticed that there is a huge gap that is present now that was once filled with you and moments shared with you and this can lead them to feel lonely. 

Just because the dumper has started a new life does not mean that they are adapting well to the new life and new people, the struggle of connecting with others could add to their loneliness because of which they might choose to fall back on the dumpee because of the past that is shared. 

They miss the time shared

When a couple breaks up, not only do they each lose their romantic partner, they each lose a friend as well, and that is probably what is hard to deal with when a relationship falls apart.

It is likely that this will happen especially when the dumper is having a hard time with their new relationships, they might compare their new partners to the dumpee and feel nostalgic about the good times that were shared between them and their exes. 

Regret

After some time, maybe a month or two, after the initial shock of the break up has settled down and the changes they have made have become more evenly paced out, it is possible that the entire experience will hit them now. 

Depending on how you react and how they are adjusting to their new singlehood, there will be moments when the dumper will regret their decision or doubt their choice to break up. 

What are the stages of a dumper’s remorse?

According to Max Jancar, a dumper’s remorse does not come automatically. Instead it grows over time and follows a set of stages which include the following:

Certainty

Right after the break up, the dumper is very certain about their choice because the break up does not happen out of the blue. 

Months or weeks prior to the break up, the dumper goes through a stage of dissatisfaction within the relationship where they feel like their needs are not being met and their partner is not exactly what they expected the person to be. 

In some cases there may not be one big catalyst whereas in some there might be a big fall out, however the dissatisfaction that is felt tends to grow over time. 

So when the break up actually happens, the dumper is actually certain and has their eyes set on what they actually want for themselves.

Relief

It is at this stage, that the dumper might make moves that they have been holding back for a After the break up, the dumper feels a sense of relief- that everything is over. Your ex might probably even feel lighter and happier that the relationship has ended. 

The dumper might feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off their shoulders and they might be glad that they don’t have to carry around the weight of their distress while being in this relationship any more. 

Regardless of what happened in your relationship, the relief they feel is a result of them actually removing the cause of unhappiness from their lives- the relationship they were dissatisfied with. Therefore, it’s only natural for them to feel relieved now that they’re out of that relationship. 

Elation

It is at this stage, that the dumper might make moves that they have been holding back for a After the break up, the dumper feels a sense of relief- that everything is over. Your ex might probably even feel lighter and happier that the relationship has ended. 

You might notice that your ex starts behaving in ways they don’t normally do- they might try out new thigns, go on multiple dates with other people, and seek other expeinceies that are very different from what they are known to love and enjoy. 

All of these behaviours point to one thing: re-discovery where the dumper will be going through a stage of redisocering themslevs now that they are no longer tied to a realtionship ro to someone else. 

Comparison

After the dumper’s elation subsides comes the stage of  comparison where they start comparing you with their dates and flings. They might even feel a sense of dissatisfaction when they are with their new partners.

At this stage they might start to become curious as to what you have been up to, how you are doing, and make some effort to check on you. 

They might also, at this stage, figure out what went wrong in the relationship and even regret that they did not make the effort to try mending the relationship or working on the problems that was giving them a sense of dissatisfaction.

Nostalgia

After some time, maybe a month or two, after the initial shock of the break up has settled down and the changes they have made have become more evenly paced out, it is possible that the entire experience will hit them now. 

It is at this time, they will recall the times shared between the two of you- however you have to understand that there is no set time when someone will feel this way.

Your ex might take months to years before they feel a sense of nostalgia and start to miss you and this time line depends on how hurt they were during the relationship. 

For example, if the dissatisfaction was enormous to the point that they were hurt deeply by the relationship, it is possible that it might take them years to feel any sense of positive nostalgia for you or the memories that were shared.

You have to understand that even if they have some sense of nostalgia it does not mean that they still love you, it is simply the common human experience of looking back and cherishing old memories.

Regret

At this stage, a sense of dumper’s remorse will start to take over your ex’s mind. Depending on how you react and how they are adjusting to their new singlehood, there will be moments when the dumper will regret their decision or doubt their choice to break up. 

This often happens when they are having a hard time adjusting to a new life without you or when they face a sense of loneliness from their new found singlehood. 

During this time, they might doubt their choice to break up and experience what we know as dumper’s remorese. 

Depending on the person they are and the context of the realtionship and the break up the dumper might make efforts make amends or they might work through their feelings and carry on towards acceptance and new visions for themsleevs. 

While dumper’s remorse can chaneg the direction of a dumper’s life, in most cases, this is often fleeting. As they get acquainted with the changes it is likely that they will affirm their decision and move forward. 

Conclusion

In this blog we have answered the question “When does dumpers remorse set in?”

We have also discussed why dumper’s remorse occurs and what are the various stages of a dumper’s remorse.

FAQ related to when does dumper remorse set in?

How long does it take for a dumper to regret?

The time it takes for a dumper to regret the break up and for remorse to set in depends on various factors and it can differ from person to person- one average it is suspected to set in by a few weeks or a month. 

Will my ex get dumpers remorse?

It is likely that your ex might regret the break up when things get hard for them in their newfound singlehood however, it is like guaranteed that it will happen. 

Does the dumper ever have regrets?

Yes, the dumper does experience regrets about the break up. Some might regret the support lost or the dreams and hopes lost while others might regret not working through the problems within the realtonship. 

Why do dumpers come back after you move on?

It might be a coincidence that dumpers come back after one moves on while for others it might be because they make the deliberate choice to come back as a way to retain their hold over you. 

References

Max Jancar. The Stages And Psychology Of Dumpers Remorse. Retrieved on 3rd April 2022. https://maxjancar.com/dumpers-remorse/

How long it takes for a guy to regret breaking up with you. My joy Online. Retrieved on 3rd April 2022. https://www.myjoyonline.com/how-long-it-takes-for-a-guy-to-regret-breaking-up-with-you/

5 Stages of Dumpers’ Remorse: When Does It Set In? Magnet of Success. Retrieved on 3rd APril 2022.https://magnetofsuccess.com/5-stages-of-dumpers-remorse-when-does-it-set-in/

Why Does the Dumper Contact the Dumpee? (Top 10 Reasons). Making Sense of manliness. Retrieved on 4th April 2022., https://makingsenseofmanliness.com/why-does-the-dumper-contact-the-dumpee/

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