When a guy tells you to grow up (3 signs)

In this blog-post, we will try to find out what it means when a guy tells you to grow up. We will look at the meaning of emotional maturity and we will also look at the other side of the story by discussing what does it indicate about the guy’s personality when he asks you to grow up. 

What does it mean when a guy tells you to grow up 

When someone says “grow up” it is rarely with a good intention. It is very frequently used in scenarios where there is a heated conversation, disagreements, or unharmful silly behaviors which the other person does not appreciate.  

When a guy tells you to grow up, it could mean the following things: 

  • He wants you to reconsider your actions and words before you speak 
  • He wants you to stay away from getting yourself involved in matters that do not concern you 
  • He is dismissing your opinions 
  • He is dismissing your emotions 
  • He finds your child-like charms unacceptable 

He wants you to reconsider your actions and words before you speak 

When a guy tells you to grow up it is seldom in a good way. If he said so in a public context where you just spoke or did something that was considered out of place or against what the group would have done, your guy might use the phrase “grow up” to say that you should think before you act or speak and probably even do something to remedy what you have said in the current situation.  

He wants you to stay away from getting yourself involved in matters that do not concern you 

If the guy feels you have given an unsolicited opinion on something that does not concern you, he might say “grow up” to let you know that you need not have spoken where you weren’t asked to. Sometimes we do need to understand that some situations are personal to people however close we might consider we are to them we should avoid interference unless requested. But, again, it is not an ideal way for him to use this phrase even if you were at fault. 

It would be ideal for you to respond in this situation by apologizing and saying “I did not mean to interfere in your personal matter, I know it was uncalled for.” 

He is dismissing your opinions 

Very often in conversations, the person does not give you insight into the entire problem. They might just speak about the main concern and ask your opinion on it. In such a case, you have only half the knowledge and you speak your thoughts based on how much you know. The person knows about the entire situation and finds your opinion irrelevant because he knows why your plan/suggestion won’t work. He might then tell you why you are wrong and ask you to grow up and think seriously about things. 

In this case, it is not your fault. The guy should have communicated clearly the entire situation and what he wants opinions on. 

In other instances, sometimes people have the tendency to keep dismissing the opinions of anyone who does not agree with them. It is a highly toxic trait to have and can pose a great deal of difficulty in your relationships. For any relationship to flourish, it has to be well balanced where every person should feel valued. Dismissing people’s opinions is like snatching their right to speech and subduing their voice. Nobody can be happy and content in such a relationship for long.  

He is dismissing your emotions 

Dismissing someone’s emotions is different from dismissing opinions. Emotions are expressions of what the person is feeling or thinking about themselves primarily and secondly about the situation which is influencing them to feel a certain way. 

When someone shares something deep and meaningful and you invalidate their pain by asking them to “grow up” leaves the person utterly hurt. Dismissing someone’s emotions counts as gaslighting and can be extremely painful for the victim to deal with. 

People with mental health concerns are often subjected to phrases like “grow up”, “snap out of it”, “it is just a phase”, etc. If you are someone who is suffering and have been told this, know that their words come from a place of ignorance. They do not know how to help you with your crisis and are trying to avoid an in-depth conversation because they do not know how it. Egoistic people find it difficult to say that they do not know something and often resort to using such phrases.  Know that it is okay to talk, it is important to express. But do it in front of someone who can be of help instead of pushing you away.  

He finds your child-like charms unacceptable 

There is a difference between being child-like and being childish. Being childish indicates that the person is immature for their age, is probably stubborn, unaware, and ignorant with decision making involving the realities of life. 

On the other hand, having a child-like enthusiasm and playfulness in life is important or we might tighten ourselves too much in life. It is important to let loose sometimes. 

People who are uptight might not gel well with people who like to keep things playful and light. Such people might use the phrase “grow up” frivolously.  

What is emotional maturity?

Emotional maturity is a desirable quality or personality characteristic for humans. It involves being aware of one’s own emotions and others’ emotions. A very important component of emotional maturity is the ability to handle one’s emotions appropriately in situations and contexts. This means you do not project your anger out of proportion to the situation and can cool yourself down by being mindful and then react to a situation.   

They also are empathetic, study the situation they are in and then react. They take responsibility for their improper behavior and also apologize without hesitation when they realize their error or it is brought to their attention that they reacted too sharply.   

Emotionally mature people also understand that it is good to be vulnerable, it is a good thing to know what you are feeling, express what you are feeling, and know how to express it efficiently.  

Setting boundaries of what is acceptable and having the ability to be assertive and say no when something does not resonate with them is also an important characteristic of an emotionally mature person. 

What does it indicate about the guy’s personality? 

To a significant extent, it speaks more about him as a person rather than you. 

He has trouble controlling his temper 

Temper tantrums or the inability to channelize his thoughts to calm himself is not a healthy sign. Especially if you are related to the guy in some way or are looking forward to a potential relationship, let me give you a head’s up that unable to control anger should be considered as a red flag. You might want to rethink how you spend time with this person and if you want to take the relationship forward if it is avoidable. 

Of course, anger is a common emotion and everybody gets angry at some point in time but the important factors to consider are the frequency of the anger outbursts and the intensity of the outburst. That includes how often does he get angry and how strongly does he project out that anger. It is not necessary that the projection or acting out of anger be physical to be considered as very intense. Often people think it is okay to let verbal abuse slide because they did not “cause any harm”. But it does. Notice how your mental and emotional health status alters when you are at the receiving end of verbal abuse. 

Asking someone to “grow up” may not be considered verbal abuse by many but it is a way of gaslighting someone or making them feel submissive which again should not be okay to tolerate. It can be considered a form of verbal microaggression depending on the tone of irritation or tone of dismissal they use.   

If a guy often also relies on sarcasm often to make you feel helpless that is again a warning sign that you don’t want to mix with the likes of him.  

He can belittle or invalidate your emotions if you speak against him. 

Belittling or invalidating someone’s emotions or experiences, like mentioned above, counts as a microaggression. The term gaslighting has been used to describe such behaviors. 

This happens largely because   

Some people have a tough time trying to accept other people’s perspectives. When they are posed with a view that speaks against their point of view they do not wish to encourage it. More so they will make sure the person never again gets the courage to speak in opposition to him. To do this he will use phrases like ‘grow up’, sometimes even publicly, to make you feel embarrassed and trying to ‘put you in your place’ which according to him is below him.        

He is immature. 

Ironically when someone says “grow up” it is an indication that they find you immature but it speaks volumes about the kind of maturity they themselves have. 

Someone who is mature enough to understand things would not use “grow up” as a reply to something you said. If he disagrees with your opinions there is always a more decent way to put it across. 

Healthy communication involves putting across your point at the same time making the other feel heard and visible. It surely develops with consistency and practice. 

Conclusion

In this blog-post, we tried to find out what it means when a guy tells you to grow up. We looked at the meaning of emotional maturity and we also looked at the other side of the story by discussing what does it indicate about the guy’s personality when he asks you to grow up. 

Frequently Asked Questions: When a guy tells you to grow up

What does grow up mean?

Technically the words grow up mean the transition from younger ages to older ages. That is, from being a baby to a toddler to a young child to a teenager to a young adult and so on till the end of life, you are growing up. 

What does it mean when someone says you are growing on them?

It means that the person did not like you previously but have grown to like you currently.  It indicates a gradual process where the person has moved from disliking or feeling indifferent about someone to actually liking them. 

What a mature man wants in a relationship?

A mature man would want a partnership. A relationship where both people work together to achieve shared goals in life. The man would want to feel good about himself and be appreciated for the efforts he puts in. he would also appreciate feedback on how he can do better provided it is conveyed to him in a respectful way. 

References 

https://www.readunwritten.com/2019/07/10/3-reasons-never-tell-someone-grow-up/

https://time.com/4243255/relationship-advice-immature/

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-maturity#age-and-other-factors

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