When a guy tells you personal things about himself

In this blog-post, we will talk about what it means when a guy tells you personal things about himself. Surely, none of us blurt out personal issues, challenges, and joys with just anybody or sometimes maybe we do so because that feels best sometimes. Whatever the situation may be, let us see what it means when a guy tells you personal things, what it does not necessarily mean, and ideal ways to respond. 

What does it mean when a guy tells you personal things about himself?

There are some signs that you need to know when a guy tells you personal things about himself:

  • He trusts you
  • He is okay feeling and being vulnerable with you 
  • He seeks comfort and understanding from you 
  • He thinks you are mature enough to understand things 
  • He values your opinions 
  • He wishes to have a deeper relationship with you 
  • He is suffering and would like a new perspective

He trusts you 

For anybody to feel free to share deep, personal things about themselves with another person, there has to be a significant trust in the other person. When a guy shares something personal about himself, know that he trusts you.  

He is okay feeling and being vulnerable with you 

Sharing personal things makes one feel exposed emotionally and mentally. It always involves the tinge of fear of how the person on the other side will receive and react to what you shared with them. Sharing is their choice but the reaction can be anything and it is unpredictable. There is always the fear if the person will be judged, ridiculed, shamed or abandoned upon knowing some fact about them. When a person is okay with feeling vulnerable with you, it is an indication that they are so comfortable with you. They do not fear being judged by you or do not care if they are judged by you if you both do not share a very close bond.  

He seeks comfort and understanding from you 

He seeks respite from his troubles in you and cheers during his highs from you. When he talks about personal things he seeks comfort that he believes anybody else could barely give him. It is ideal for everyone to have at least one such person in their life with whom they have no facades and probable, for him, that person is you!

He thinks you are mature enough to understand things

We do not communicate our deepest struggles and most intimate joys with just anybody. Especially when it comes to struggles, fears, and deep=seated trauma, people barely trust others because they feel nobody is capable enough to handle their emotional offload. 

Nobody wants to be gaslighted, their pain invalidated or ridiculed upon. Often people even laugh at other’s pain when they do not know how else to react to it. They would make inappropriate jokes or try to minimize the intensity of the suffering saying it happens to everybody. Or they might use phrases like “It is just a phase”, “Quit being a baby about it”, “Grow up” or the worst of all for men, “Stop complaining like a little girl”. 

When you have proven to be empathetic, kind, and compassionate the guy considers you to be mature enough to bear his emotional weight.   

He values your opinions 

He might sometimes share some personal detail about himself, some current life challenges that he is apprehensive about, and ambitions he is so keen to pursue but current conditions that are keeping him from working towards them. In all such situations, he might be first willing to talk to someone about what is going on in his mind. But it could also mean that he is interested in knowing what you think about his concerns and if you have some opinion to offer. 

It is ideal not to give opinions unless solicited. Also, if you feel you are not the right person to have a say in certain matters, simply say “I am not sure if I have an answer to your questions right now. Probably speaking to someone with experience and qualification in the matter would be more of help to you.”.   

He wishes to have a deeper relationship with you 

Sharing personal stuff with people is uncommon, especially, in today’s competitive culture where people could use their insecurities to gain benefit for themselves. People do not even trust everyone in their group of friends. In such a culture, talking deeply personal things about self surely indicates that they might be intending to have a deeper relationship with you.  

If he encourages you to speak about yourself or gives you the space to talk about yourself, it is a good sign that they might be interested.   

He is suffering and would like a new perspective

Personal things could range from everyday things to unexpressed and unresolved trauma from their past. It could be any detail from his childhood that makes him nostalgic, brings him joy, or triggers anxiety or sadness. If he looks anxious and jittery before the conversation it is an indication that is difficult for him to talk about it. He might share details of a romantic relationship he had before which caused him great suffering to let you know the insecurities that hold him back from involving himself emotionally again.  

In all the feelings of indecisiveness, lack of clarity, emotionally feeling stuck and burdened, etc, a person could always be benefitted from a new perspective to their problems which is different from their thinking that is stuck in a rut. 

It is always ideal to offer a new perspective to their problems only when asked to do so. Sometimes the person requires comfort and validation more than advice. 

What it does not necessarily mean:

  • He is romantically interested in you
  • He seeks advice from you 

He is romantically interested in you 

Contrary to popular belief, sharing personal things does not always indicate that they are close to you or are romantically interested in you. 

Sometimes people find it helpful to emote difficult emotions in front of strangers or people they do not know very well. They do believe that there is a lot less judgment and expectation among strangers as compared to people who are close to them. Also while sharing, they do not have to think about the person in front of them will be troubled by sharing the personal details. People who we are emotionally attached to might get concerned for our well-being when we share deeply troubling things that can inhibit our free expression in front of them. This concern is largely eliminated with strangers or casual friends.   

He seeks advice from you

Just because he shared personal things about himself does not mean he is wanting you to give him advice for his problems. Unsolicited advice is not always well received by everyone. Active and empathetic listening is the first step to making someone feel understood because for them, at that point, an expression of their concerns is the intention.

Once the person feels understood, probably, they might seek guidance and help from you. They might ask for your opinion on things. If you are not sure how to help do not say things just for the sake of saying.  

How to respond when a guy tells you personal things about himself?  

Listen 

Don’t listen to reply, just listen because you understand that simply being heard might make the other person feel better. 

Ask questions just because you want to understand their situation and know about their problem better. 

Behaviors that indicate that you are listening well include nodding your head, maintaining eye contact, alert body posture, and appropriate facial expressions.   

Be kind 

Be kind with your words, body language, facial expressions, and behavior in general. It is always a good idea to be kind whether or not the person has shared a difficult experience or a nice experience that brought back feelings of nostalgia. 

Also, very importantly, try to keep whatever was shared with you very confidential. The content was not intended to be shared with a third person unless they asked you to do so specially.  

Be empathetic 

Try not to minimize their suffering by calling it a cry for attention, or a simple problem that happens to everybody, or just a phase or temporary emotion. Know that their suffering is very real and valid for them even if you think otherwise. Try to imagine yourself in their shoes and see what emotions arise in you. Don’t feel pity for that person, instead validate their struggles. Some phrases that can be used are, “I understand things can be very difficult for you right now, just know I am here if you need me.”, “I do not know how to help you with this crisis/ difficult emotions the best I can do is be with you as you go through this.”, “We can try to figure things out together.”.   

Guide 

It is not ideal to give unsolicited advice, especially when you yourself have no clue about how to offer help to the person. Try to humble yourself down and know that it is impossible for anybody to know everything about everything. 

When a person comes to you with their personal crisis, try your best to guide them to someone who can best offer the guidance they need. If someone needed a heart transplant surgery are if you are not a heart transplant surgeon, you would guide them to a doctor, right? Similarly, for emotional and mental health concerns, it might be a therapist or mental health practitioner who can provide the best help to the person instead of you. Know that you can always lend a listening ear but that would not mount to the benefit a professional can provide.   

Conclusion

In this blog-post, we talked about what it means when a guy tells you personal things about himself. Surely, none of us blurt out personal issues, challenges, and joys with just anybody or sometimes maybe we do so because that feels best sometimes. Whatever the situation may be, we now have a fair idea of what it means when a guy tells you personal things, what it does not necessarily mean, and ideal ways to respond. 

Frequently asked questions

What makes a man open up to a woman?

There has to be some level of maturity and understanding that the woman embodies which causes emotional attraction for the man.  

How do you tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you?

Some signs to notice are:

His behavior is inconsistent towards you or does not match his words.

He is possessive about you and displays a lack of trust. 

He prefers to not disclose a lot of details about himself and his life with you.  

References 

https://thoughtcatalog.com/marisa-donnelly/2017/01/8-signs-hes-being-vulnerable-with-you/

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