In this blog-post, we cover what it means when a guy tells you he loves you. We will look at signs to understand if he truly means it when he says that he loves you. We will look at a checklist to know if it is truly a healthy relationship between you two from the psychological ‘theory of love’ perspective.
After you’ve enjoyed the When a guy tells you he loves you mentioned below, I would recommend you to take a look at ”When a guy tells you he likes you” too.
What does it mean when a guy tells you he loves you?
It very natural for anybody to feel extremely flattered and comforted when someone says ‘I love you’. But what truly does it mean when your partner in a romantic relationship confesses, probably for the first time, that he loves you. Here are some things that you need to know:
- He is ready to take the relationship forward.
- He is committed to you.
- He envisions a life with you as his partner.
It shows that he is ready to take the relationship forward
From dating to being in a committed relationship it is definitely a step forward. Once he says the words ‘I love you’ it indicates that he is serious about the bond that you share and considers you as a good fit for him. He might even wish for you to devote your romantic interests just to him when he says these words.
He is committed to you
He plans on being exclusive with you. In dating, before the words ‘I love you’ have been said the strings are a little loosely attached even if the bond shared is tight. The partners may wander out to see if there are better fishes in the sea. But once the person realizes that they are in love with you the wandering comes to a halt. He knows you are the one he was seeking.
He envisions a life with you as his partner
The words ‘I love you’ come from a place of security. Because he gains a certain level of trust from you and also lays his trust in you, he might start talking about the future where he sees you both together. He might talk about wanting things for himself with you by his side. Shared goals become a huge part of a relationship with good security. He might ask you the kind of relationship you envision five, ten, or twenty years down the lane with him. He might ask you about your dreams, career aspirations, your wishes for a family, etc.
Some important factors to consider about the confession
It is important that the following factors be kept in mind about the confession:
Some contexts are more vulnerable ones where the person can say ‘I love you’ just to get out of the strained situation.
For example, after a heated conversation, the guy could just say ‘I love u’ just to get the partner talking to him again or to end the fight. It might be even used as a safety net comment to pass to prevent you from breaking up with him.
Notice if he is pressurizing you to have sex after his confession. This could be a sign that he said what he said just to get laid.
He could just be saying it in a rebound relationship to reaffirm himself that he is worthy of love.
You made the confession first and he is just saying it back because he does not want to make you upset or break your heart.
An out-of-the-blue confession sounds beautiful and romantic but it is not always the right thing. Confession of love does not come soon in a relationship.
While dating both the people are trying to figure out the other person which takes a good amount of time. Very rarely, probably only in movies and romantic novels, people date just for a few weeks and they realize they have found the right person for them.
In real life, figuring out things takes a little longer. It takes a certain level of maturity, understanding, willingness to commit, overcoming of past traumas for a person to be able to really know that they are in love with someone. This surely takes time.
If the guy says these words too soon into your relationship chances are that the overwhelming feelings of closeness are somewhere clouding his judgment and he has not given it actual thought. Making such decisions involves a joint effort of the heart, mind, and soul which offer affection, thought, and instincts respectively.
The style of confession
I am not saying it has to be a grand affair or very romantically explicit. But, it is important that those words be given the gravitas they deserve. Notice what words he chooses, his body language, his expressions, and his eagerness to know how you feel about him.
A good sign is when the guy gives reasons for why he loves you, he looks confident yet a little jittery to know your reaction to his confession. Good eye contact, a reassuring touch, gentle eyes, warm smile also speak a lot.
Signs to notice if his confession matches his behavior
You are head over heels in love with someone and the guy has confessed his loving feelings to you. But do his words match his actions?
Some signs that a guy loves you are as follows:
- He has introduced you to his family and friends.
- Your relationship is a private one but not a secret.
- He flaunts you in front of his closest people.
- Being in each other’s company is comforting and flows naturally.
- You both can very comfortable talking to each other about any topic without hesitation.
- He talks about how he wishes his future would unfold and he mentions you to be a part of it.
- You do not feel like you are compromising on anything by agreeing to be in a relationship with him.
- He is proud of your achievements and does not stand in the way of your progress. He is also your biggest cheerleader.
- He is not possessive about you.
- He trusts you with your decisions and supports you.
- He does not shy away from showing physical affection.
- He shows concern about your health, habits, schedules.
- He offers you help in any way he can.
- He is there for you when you need him and shows that he is reliable.
- He shows curiosity to know more about you, the big things and the small things.
- He talks about his life and ambitions.
- He values your opinions about him, his choices, and decisions.
- He values your personal space when you need it and does not breach it.
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A checklist as per The theory of love
Yes! Someone managed to propose a theory of love too. The triangular theory of love was developed and described by psychologist Robert Sternberg. It is a widely accepted theory.
As the name suggests, the triangular aspect means that the model of the theory is a triangle. Each of the three angles of the triangle signifies three important features of love. When all three qualities are present, love can be considered consummate or wholesome.
What are these three pillars?
The three pillars are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. The interpretations of these words are well defined by Sternberg.
Intimacy involves feelings of fondness, close bond and a feeling of connectedness.
Passion is associated with the physical and sexual attraction towards the partner.
Commitment means an emotional, societal and lawful promise to be associated only with the one person romantically to achieve shared goals.
Based on the combination of single or two of these features there can be 6 types of love and the seventh type of love is where all the three important features are met and experienced among the partners.
The presence of only Intimacy between two people indicates liking between them.
The presence of only passion indicates infatuation.
The presence of only commitment indicates empty love.
The presence of two of the pillars also indicate a type of love that is lacking somewhere.
The presence of intimacy and passion is considered as romantic love.
The presence of intimacy and commitment is called companionate love.
The presence of commitment and passion is called fatuous love.
The most ideal combination of all three features is called consummate love.
How is knowing this theory helpful?
The knowledge of the theory of love can help us understand if our relationship with our partner is lacking any feature and what can be done to remedy the situation.
When a guy tells you he loves you, use this as a checklist to understand if your relationship meets all the important aspects of love for it to be called as wholesome love.
Communicate with your partner to know your equation better and what aspects of your relationship needs work, compassion and attention.
In this blog-post, we covered what it means when a guy tells you he loves you. We looked at signs to understand if he truly means it when he says that he loves you. We also looked at a checklist to know if it is truly a healthy relationship between you two from the psychological ‘theory of love’ perspective.
Frequently Asked Questions
What to do when a guy tells you he loves you?
If you feel the same way, great! Say it back and celebrate!
The glitch comes in when you do not feel the same or are not ready to say the words back to him. Try out these tips if you need it:
Be honest about how you feel about him. Avoid giving false hopes and promises if you do not feel the same way.
Giving him a hug might help.
Assure that you not feeling the same way about him is nothing personal against him. Tell him that you deeply care about him but you do not see your relationship moving further into something more than friendship.
Be empathetic with the words you choose. If you were the one being turned down what would be the best possible way you would prefer?
How do I get him emotionally attached to me?
Getting someone emotionally attached to you has to be a conscious decision as much as possible. Some tips you can try are:
Share your vulnerable side with him so that he feels it is a safe space for him to open up as well.
Be your truest version. Be playful, serious, dramatic, emotional and all that you are.
Date him for the person he is right now not how you vision to mould him. He is not a project for you to work on and transform, he is a person with his own personality, values and beliefs. If you try to date the potential man in him you would be disappointed if he does not turn out to be how you thought he would be.
Understand his need to live life in his own terms. You do not own the person. The best possible thing that could happen is that you can get to be a part of his journey.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.