In this blog, we shall discuss what does it mean when a guy tells you he has a girlfriend.
The situation in which he mentions that he has a girlfriend is an important factor to note. So we will begin by looking at various scenarios and what his words could mean depending on the scenario. We will then look at things to avoid once a guy mentions him being committed to a girl.
What does it mean when a guy tells you he has a girlfriend?
When a guy tells you he has a girlfriend it could mean he is:
- Giving you a signal to back off
- Turning down benefits at work from a superior in return for a sexual relationship
- Proposing an invitation to be the girl with whom he is cheating on his girlfriend
- Clarifying his sexual orientation
These meanings are applicable based on contexts that have been explained in detail below.
If he says that he has a girlfriend..
When you try to make a move on him
Imagine you are at a party, having a good time with the guy you are interested in, and try to flirt with him or dance too closely and he says that he has a girlfriend.
In this scenario, it is a clear indication from him that you need to stop directing your efforts at him and just back off!
Even though for you it might seem like a big bummer, this speaks volumes about the kind of person he is and the depth of the relationship he shares with his girlfriend. It is easy for people to stray away from their partners when their equation with their boyfriend or girlfriend is not a healthy one.
When he is your subordinate at work
This could mean that he does not appreciate the favors you, as a superior, are doing for him at work. This could be because you are indirectly sending him signals that you might be interested in something more than being friends and colleagues by offering him undue promotions, off-days, incentives, or by being upfront flirtatious.
By stating that he has a girlfriend in this situation at work, he also wishes to clearly communicate to you that he does not wish to catch the ugly route to achieving success and money at work by sleeping with a superior or having an affair. Probably he even understands how work relationships can get affected if the affair fizzles out, or simply how unfair it is to other subordinates when he is receiving favors just by being in a relationship with the boss. Work ethics and relationship surely are held in high regard by him and he is clearly turning down your advances in this scenario.
When he is committed to someone but is also interested in you
It could be a hint that he is passing on to see if you would still be interested in seeing him, flirting with him in spite of knowing he is committed to someone else. This would also mean that he is asking if you can keep his secret safe with you at the same time give him the benefits he desires from you. It is also a clear indication that the relationship he has with you is not a serious one for him or you are being used to fulfill his desires that are not being met with his girlfriend.
In this case, you need to take a step back consciously and analyze what does this say about his character. If in the future, he breaks up with his current girlfriend and pursues you to be his girlfriend, there is a chance that it might happen again. Not saying the tag of being an infidelity master can be given to him, but the likelihood could be more.
Also, remember, forming a judgment after looking at different perspectives can offer good insight too. Right now, if you like him and he is open to cheating on his girlfriend Things will feel bitter when you are at the receiving end of the injustice. So think about how his girlfriend might feel being at the receiving end right now. Monogamy might seem like too cruel a rule, but it pinches really bad when you see someone you direct all your love and attention to be with someone else behind your back.
There are many fishes in the sea, dive deeper into your conscience and let it help you to fetch for you a better person.
When you as a male approach him with romantic interests
This is a possibility to consider too. This could simply mean that he is not inclined towards the same sex romantically. Probably you misread some of his intentions.
On the other hand, it could also be that he too is interested in same-sex relationships but is not out of the closet yet. It takes a lot of courage for many homosexuals to reveal their sexual identities to a less liberal society. Probably he is still figuring things out by himself and the mention of his girlfriend could be to let you subtly know that he is gay but he is not yet ready to reveal his true identity to his current partner or is afraid of going against the norm by following his reality.
In this case, you as a member of the gay community can guide and encourage him to be true to himself so that he can experience romantic love the way he was meant to give and receive. Spending years and probably their entire lives in guilt and shame for being human spoils the chance of creating something beautiful out of your life.
Things to avoid when the guy tells you he has a girlfriend
Certainly, there are things and situations you must avoid once he has told you about his girlfriend. Avoiding the below-mentioned things will ease out things for your own peace and the equation you share with the guy.
Making the first move
Once the guy tells you upfront that he is in a relationship do not try to push it further by asking him out for dates or “casual hangouts”. Though the end decision is for the two of you to make, when you are romantically interested in each other, it might be difficult to put in efforts to meet, talk regularly and not receive the same amount of commitment from the guy. If the guy approaches you by himself after the breakup, good for you. But try not to be the one trying to lure him.
Putting yourself in a situation where you will be blamed for their breakup
Going out (secretively) together, just the two of you, even though you believe it is just as friends, may not be the ideal thing to do. If in case he ends breaking up with his current girlfriend or has a strain in the relationship, you will be the one blamed for their situation. The situation gets way more ugly if you personally know his girlfriend and she points at you for their relationship going down the hill.
Trying to go against what your mind knows
Often when you have romantic interests in someone our emotions tend to cloud our judgment. In such a state, it is easy for us to to “listen to our hearts” and go after someone that might bring momentary joy to our lives. But deep deep down the cloud of misjudgment our mind and conscience know what is the right thing to do and the right way to act.
Badmouthing never did anybody any good. People often tend to gossip about others and talk about them in a bad light, it often stems from their own individual insecurities. If you notice you are badmouthing about the girl he is seeing, know that it could be stemming from your own jealousy or disappointment.
Do not even try to be the one who breaks up the relationship by creating gossip and filling his head about how wrong he is by not choosing you.
If you take a step back and appreciate the girl and their relationship, the guy or any third party would respect you for your fair judgment and gracious behavior. This might even make you more attractive in the eyes of the guy you like. Probably, the chances of you being pursued, after splitting up with his current one, may increase.
Things to do when the guy tells you he has a girlfriend
We looked at things to avoid but there are things you must do when you are told about his commitment.
If you were being pushy or trying to lure him without knowledge of his relationship, apologize for being too upfront without knowing facts. Say a simple “Sorry, I did not know about your girlfriend and I must have misread your intentions too.”
There are many kinds of questions you could ask your own self about what you really want.
If you are giving thought to pursue him despite his current relationship ask yourself if you are infatuated with the guy or are you really interested in him and if the guy too feels the same way about you.
If the guy tells you he has a girlfriend but is planning to end the relationship ask yourself these questions: Are you ready for a relationship if the guy ends up breaking up with his girlfriend? How long would you want to wait for him to settle into his break-up before he shows interest in committing to you?
Ask yourself if it is really worth going against your instincts and pursuing the guy who has made it clear to you that he is in a relationship. Is it worth making him cheat on his girlfriend?
Talk to the guy and state your intentions clearly and ask him about his intentions too if he has been flirting with you. It is always better to communicate about what is going on in both of your heads rather than sitting and assuming what will happen or what could happen.
In this blog, we discussed what it means when a guy tells you he has a girlfriend.
The situation in which he mentions that he has a girlfriend is an important factor to note. So we began by looking at various scenarios and what his words could mean depending on the scenario. We then looked at things to avoid once a guy mentions him being committed to a girl.
Frequently Asked Questions: When a guy tells you he has a girlfriend
How do you the guy already has a girlfriend?
He would give some clear signals that you need to notice if he is seeing you along with someone else.
Some signs to notice are:
If he takes you o ut in public
If he introduces you to his family and friends
If he avoids you for no particular reason, it could be because his guilty conscience is pricking him.
He never leaves his phone unattended when he is away from you.
Can I ask him if he is sleeping with someone else?
It is okay to ask if he sleeping with someone else if you are in an exclusive relationship. With the current casual dating trend, it is not uncommon for people to see many people at once.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.