When a guy tells you about his fantasy (3 signs)
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The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the…
In this article, we will talk about what it means when a guy tells you about his fantasy. We will also look at what it may not necessarily mean when a guy talks about his fantasy. We will understand what does having a fantasy mean and some types of fantasies. We will also look at some important aspects of fantasy disclosures.
When a guy tells you about his fantasy it means…
Here are some signs a guy wishes to subtly convey when he tells you about his fantasy.
- He finds you desirable.
- He is okay feeling exposed (physically and mentally) in front of you.
- He wishes for you to be more expressive too.
He finds you desirable
He surely finds you physically attractive and mentally captivating. He wishes to explore things with you. He finds it difficult to ignore the charm you possess and that draws him close to you. He surely visualizes you taking part with him during sexual acts.
He is okay feeling exposed (physically and mentally) in front of you
Talking about a fantasy is not always easy. It takes courage and comfort to openly talk about your most personal desires with someone. It involves exerting mental and physical effort which is often reserved for a person who definitely special to you. If he tells you about his fantasy consider yourself as a special person in his life. He is open to feeling exposed mentally because he does not fear or does not care about being judged by you.
He wishes for you to be more expressive too
Revealing his deepest and intriguing fantasies is an invitation for you to share yours with him. He wishes to get to know you better and the things you would not share with others easily in a conversation.
It does not necessarily mean…
That he is in love with you
Talking about sexual fantasies, though a very intimate and personal act, need not mean there is love involved in its purest sense. Every human has a basic, raw sexual need and there are times when the libido could take charge and cloud your judgment.
He is interested in being in a committed relationship with you
In this modern era of casual dating and sex becoming more frivolous, it is not necessary that the person is looking forward to being exclusive with you just because he spoke about his sexual fantasy.
Relationship arrangements like being friends with benefits or casual hook-ups and one-night stands may involve luring the potential mate by stating sexual fantasies to just sexually arouse them and get them to have sex with you. These relationship arrangements usually involve people who mutually agree to be in a relationship that is not exclusive and meant to cater to the sexual or companionship needs of the person.
What is a fantasy?
The most common notion surround fantasies is that it is related to something sexual. But, no. Fantasy, in simple words as explained by in the Cambridge dictionary, means “a pleasant situation that you enjoy thinking about but is unlikely to happen.”
Types of fantasies
Conscious fantasy
Like the name suggests, it is a fantasy that we are aware about. We do not need to exert effort to bring out content from the depths of our mind for these fantasies to be explicit. As you read these words maybe some fantasies come to your mind immediately? Those can be considered your conscious fantasies.
Unconscious fantasy
Unconscious fantasies are hidden content from our unconscious mind that we do not have easy access to. We are unaware of this part of our mind. It contains content that has been suppressed and repressed from the past. One needs to be in a state of extreme calm and quiet to explore their unconscious minds. It is not possible for everyone to get access to it unless guided by a professional into a hypnotic state.
Content from the unconscious mind plays out in dramatic and unknowing ways. For example, dreams are considered as an expression of the unconscious mind and we do not have any control over it.
Wild fantasy
Wild fantasies could be adventure-seeking desires a person could possess. This could involve jumping off a cliff as an adventure sport touching the ocean bed or having an encounter with a wild animal. These wild fantasies could be unconscious content like the need for control, power, and obsession with overcoming challenges playing out in the form of adventure sports/activities.
Sexual fantasy
A sexual fantasy is a mental description a person holds in their head about an erotic scene that they wish they could be a part of. A sexual fantasy can ignite a person’s sexual arousal especially when they visualize someone being a part of their fantasy.
Example: using sex toys on the partner, having sexual intercourse with more than one person at a time, etc.
Dark fantasy
Fantasies having dark or frightening themes are called dark fantasies. Dark fantasy as a genre of literary works is different from what we are talking about here. Dark fantasy, in the literary sense, involves elements of horror or gloom to it. But, it could also involve subjects that are considered taboo in society to be a part of your subconscious. What is considered dark and taboo differs from person-to-person. When a person states their dark fantasies, you might feel conflicted about if you should encourage or discourage the conversation from proceeding.
A heads up before you read the example of a dark fantasy. It could be triggering for some people. Feel free to skip to the next section of the blog.
An example of a dark fantasy could be depicting ‘consensual nonconsent’ which means a sex situation where one partner is resisting sex but the other partner enforces it on the partner. Now, this seems very much like someone being raped. But many people have this dark sexual fantasy. Psychological explanations for having such dark sexual fantasy could be that the person never was granted control over their life and wish to vent their need for control through sexual acts by acting it out on people resisting it. Or, they might wish to enjoy all the responsibility in the sexual act.
Things to keep in mind when a guy tells you about his sexual fantasy
First things first
If a stranger or a guy you barely know directly starts explicitly talking about his sexual fantasies it is to be considered a type of sexual assault. Cyberbullying is real and the repercussions it has on the minds of the victim can be immense. So if the expression of sexual fantasy was uncalled for, then taking lawful action is not wrong. It has become very common on the internet to bully people by sending unwarranted comments or explicit pictures. It is offensive and no offense should be ignored or tolerated.
Communicate
It is important that the person tells you about his fantasy beforehand so that there is consensus between you two about exploring it together.
If you find it unsettling speak upfront that it does not resonate with you and your liking and you would prefer to not engage in it.
If you are close to the guy and you are in a meaningful relationship but his sexual fantasy does not match your liking make sure you state it in a way that does not ridicule him. It takes courage to speak about a fantasy that is so personal and intimate. Laughing or ridiculing him may make him feel embarrassed and can make him think twice before talking openly about his desires in the future. You can simply say, “Umm.. I do not feel I wish to be a part of this fantasy of yours. Is there anything else on your mind that we both could try?”. If you have a reason for why you feel it won’t be enjoyable, state that too. Examples of some reasons are, it could cause pain, it can put you at risk for infections, it is unlawful, it could invite unnecessary embarrassment.
If you are open to trying things out then make sure there is continued communication about it during and after the sexual act.
Know
Know that it is not unusual or weird to have a sexual fantasy. It does not make you a mean, bad or filthy person. Almost every person has a fantasy that they would like to try sometime with someone they find desirable. It is ideal to try it with someone you trust.
Expressing a sexual fantasy is just like expressing some other hidden and private content from your unconscious mind that you cannot control. They are just like dreams. You cannot control the kind of dreams you have because it is content from your unconscious mind. They are your hidden needs and desires.
It is not a bad idea to learn how to perform the fantasy by educating yourself. You can watch pornographic content, read blogs or consult a sexologist if you would like. It is a way of being prepared and there is no shame in learning something that could enhance your sexual experience. After all, sex is considered a basic human need. So, why would you not want to enhance the experience of indulging in a basic human need?
Have empathy
Have empathy for yourself and for your partner. Hold the highest regard for each other and personal preferences. Nothing, especially sexual acts, should be fantasized at the cost of safety and individual will and consent.
Safewords
It is ideal to have a safe word while you are trying something new. A safeword is a word that you use when you find the act too overwhelming or painful to continue performing. Use of safeword indicates that the act needs to be immediately discontinued.
Also, know that it is okay if it does not turn out how you visualized it. A fantasy in our head consists of the most ideal situations stitched together and real-life may be quite different from that.
Hygiene and safe sex practices
Whatever be your sexual fantasy it is always a good idea to practice good hygiene and follow safe sex practices. Hygiene is important so that you do not put the partner in danger of allergies or infections. It is always a good idea to wash your body well before and after sex. Safe sex practices involve using contraception and unwanted birth control measures to avoid any risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancies.
Pace things well
It is important that when you are trying something that has not been explored before to go slow. Make sure that in the excitement of trying something that has long been your fantasy you are not clouding your judgment of what feels safe and fun. This ensures that the act is enjoyable for both the partners and there are no regrets later. There is no rush.
Conclusion
In this article, we talked about what it means when a guy tells you about his fantasy. We also looked at what it may not necessarily mean when a guy talks about his fantasy. We understood what does having a fantasy mean and some types of fantasies. We also looked at some important aspects of fantasy disclosures.
If you’ve enjoyed the When a guy tells you about his fantasy mentioned above, I would recommend you to take a look at When a guy thinks about you before bed too.
Frequently Asked Questions: When a guy tells you about his fantasy
What does it mean when a guy says you are my fantasy?
It means that the guy considers you as an embodiment of his fulfilled dreams. You are his dream come true.
What do you say when a man asks what your fantasy is?
Assuming you trust the other person and in a comfortable relationship, feel free to share with him your deepest desires. It could be sexual or could be non-sexual like a desire to explore the wild forests all alone.
If you are unsure about what your fantasy is, take some time to think about it. If you had the free will to do anything without experiencing societal judgment and real danger what is it that you would like to try out sometime in your life?
If you are uncomfortable sharing your fantasy, just simply say “I do not think I can/want to disclose it right now”.
