What does it mean when a guy says he wants to take baby steps?

In this blog post, we answer the following question: What does it mean when a guy says he wants to take baby steps? We give you 7 possible explanations for why he wants to take things slow. We also talk about the signs that he is not into a serious relationship.

When a guy says he wants to take baby steps

Truth is when a guy says he wants to take baby steps, it truly means that he is not looking for anything serious at the moment, he wants to take things slow.

You’re still learning about your partner, but sometimes, the honeymoon phase ends, and as it turns out, you may realize you’re not as head-over-heels as you thought you were. You were caught up in lust — not love — and found yourself rushing into a relationship that was destined for failure.

But what’s the benefit of deciding to “take baby steps”?

While it’s true “taking baby steps” could be something people say when they just want to hit-it-and-quit-it, other possible meanings of “taking baby steps” are:

  • “taking baby steps” taught us how to differentiate between feelings and infatuation.
  • “taking baby steps”  so we wouldn’t get ghosted
  • “taking baby steps” means not rushing a relationship that may turn it into something more meaningful.
  • Not “taking baby steps” means you may miss some “red flags”.
  • “taking baby steps” could be a turn-on for some girls
  • “Taking baby steps” can also help you realize the more important parts of a relationship.
  • By “taking baby steps” you want to establish a friendship first, then move to a relationship.

Let me give you an analogy.

Imagine bringing two polar-opposite magnets together. You will get some resistance, but if pushed hard enough, you will be able to bring them together. You feel resistance, however, and as soon as you let go, the two magnets push each other away with great force.

Now, imagine bringing the same two magnets together, with intention but delicately. You feel the resistance between the two magnets, but your slow and mindful movements mean the resistance between the two magnets are less pronounced. You feel it takes you less effort to bring them together.

Being single in the dating world for a while, the above analogy is what ‘taking it slow’ means to me. Slowly but well-intentioned, you get to know each other better. You respect that you each lived your own life before meeting each other, and give each other the space to continue doing so.

 You don’t spend all your time together at the expense of spending time with family and friends. You maintain your hobbies and interests. Meanwhile, you also make a conscious effort to do things together and get closer.

I think many people split after dating very briefly because they try to bound themselves together very quickly, especially when people meet online. And it is also not gender specific.

As the saying goes: ‘some things are just meant to be’. Taking it slow lets both parties clearly appreciate the other person before committing. Falling in love is not a competition against time, it shouldn’t be rushed.

What does it mean to go slow in a relationship?

Taking it slow in a relationship means that the two partners take their relationship step by step, that is, you are not going to get married a week after dating, it may be that you are dating where the man wants to do things well and prefers to evolve little by little in the relationship.

Sometimes, when a guy says he wants to take baby steps, it may mean that he has in mind only being with you because he feels good, but not for a future relationship.

Signs that he doesn’t want anything serious

He tells you directly, I don’t want a relationship now” – or any other similar line, including “I am not relationship material”, “I’m not ready to get involved now”, “what I would like is to have fun, without obligations “,” why can’t a woman and a man be good friends and lovers at the same time “,” I would like to be friends with benefits “,” I hate commitments “, “I’m not looking for serious relationships”, “I love independent women who don’t always want to have relationships”… 

Anyway, he says it, if he says it, he believes it! So it would be a huge mistake to hope that you will be the one who makes him change his mind and suddenly want a serious relationship.

The way he looks at you – from the first dates, you could tell if he has a real interest in you or just a real interest in your body. Follow his gaze: when he is interested in you as a person, he will focus mainly on the face area; when he wants you only for love, the eye will more often admire different attractive anatomical parts.

It gets too intimate too fast. A man who is really interested and not only physically attracted to you, he will not rush you, he will not press you and he will not risk making gestures, too intimate touches too soon – in any case at the first meeting. And he won’t make sexual allusions too soon, he won’t rush you to bed. 

One who wants you only for love, only in bed, will make insinuations and try to entice you and convince you to become intimate as soon as possible (sometimes very subtle, but he will). The one who presses you and threatens you to lose interest if you don’t jump in bed with him is clearly just looking for an adventure…

 Indecent allusions and jokes. Maybe they succeed, but the man who makes such jokes and allusions with a sexual touch from the first dates is thinking of one thing! Likewise, if all his compliments focus on admiring your body, then this is his point of interest (although some men who only want you for love are much more subtle, fooling you easily by mimicking a false “deep” interest).

Pleasant, funny, but superficial conversations. If he only wants you for love, only in bed, he will try to look like he is interested, but he will not be really interested in knowing you. He will agree with you, he will have pleasant conversations, he will approve and praise you, but you can see that he is actually listening to you only with one ear. And you can see how to avoid far too personal discussions. 

If he only wants you for fun in bed, he will avoid that you know him too well – you will see that he does not give you too personal details, keeping the discussions jovial and superficial. There is, of course, an opposite tactic of making you give him what he wants – that of making you feel like he’s opening up in front of you, telling you how sensitive he is, so that your soul can soften (however, a rarer tactic)…

Dating seems to be planned so that it ends in bed. The classic restaurant and then “come to my place” or the line “come to me, I’ll cook you dinner”.  He is not interested in seeing you in situations where there are no chances to jump in bed and when he invites you somewhere he seems to think only of how to get to bed faster.

The “relationship” doesn’t evolve – maybe, at best, you know some of his friends (who are probably used to his “girls” one after the other). 

But the relationship doesn’t seem to be moving forward, you notice that you still don’t know him well, intimately, you don’t do “couples stuff”, he’s not very affectionate in public (in fact, he prefers to keep you at home and is affectionate only when he wants sex). 

After a while, he distances himself from you. If he wants you only for an adventure, only in bed, after you have offered him what he wants many times, the moment will come when he strives less and less to be close to you. 

He only makes plans with you if they are related to fun in bed, he sends you fewer and fewer messages, he doesn’t answer you, sometimes being untraceable… And slowly, you notice how everything focuses on physical love – before and after love parties contact is minimal, and his interest in you seems to end with the night.

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FAQ on When a guy says he wants to take baby steps

What does it mean when a guy says he wants to take a step back?

When a guy says he wants to take a step back it means that he is not sure about the direction that the relationship is taking. He needs more time, to slow things down, in order to understand what he really wants and needs. 

How do you tell if he is in love with me?

You know if he is in love with you if he listens to you; if he considers you a priority; if he wants to be part of your life and makes big plans with you. 

Why does he want to slow things down?

He wants to slow things down because he is not ready to make a commitment yet; because he is not sure of what he wants, or because he is scared of commitment.

Why do guys take a step back?

Guys take a step back when they feel that the relationships are evolving either too fast or in a direction that they are not ready for. In some cases, when a guy says he wants to take baby steps, it is because he wants to get to know you better before diving in. It is not necessarily a bad thing.

How do you tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you?

You can tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you if he has a very random and unpredictable behaviour; he is not consistent in anything he tells you or the way he behaves with you. 

Conclusions

In this blog post, we answered the following question: What does it mean when a guy says he wants to take baby steps? We gave you 7 possible explanations for why he wants to take things slow. We also talked about the signs that he is not into a serious relationship.

In some cases, when a guy says he wants to take baby steps, it is because he wants to get to know you better before diving in. It is not necessarily a bad thing. Taking it slow lets both parties clearly appreciate the other person before committing. Falling in love is not a competition against time, it shouldn’t be rushed.

Taking it slow in a relationship means that the two partners take their relationship step by step, that is, you are not going to get married a week after dating, it may be that you are dating where the man wants to do things well and prefers to evolve little by little in the relationship.

If you have more questions or comments, please let us know!

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.

References

psychologytoday.com 

Apa.org 

positivepsychology.com

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