In this guide, we will discuss “When a girl yells at you” and changing the approach just thinking they are ‘hormonal’ or how their period seems to be the main reason why a girl will yell at you.
In addition, we will talk about some of the reasons why do people yell, in general, and a few tips to help diffuse the yeller and handle the situation.
When a girl yells at you: why?
When a girl yells at you it could be due to various reasons and if you are asking the reason why, there are some things to consider.
Is it your sister, a friend, or your girlfriend who yelled at you? Or is someone you really don’t know?
Moreover, think about the context of the situation and a few reasons why.
If you are having a conversation and there is a gap between your expectations or your opinions are just not aligned/compatible, they have felt threatened or they feel disrespected then, they could have reacted by resorting to yelling.
However, remember there is never a good or valid reason for being yelled at.
Moreover, how you react at that crucial moment can make the difference between having a conversation and a confrontation.
When we are being yelled, it is normal for our brain to interpret the situation as threatening or dangerous and we go into defense mode, getting ready to fight or simply run away from it.
But is there someone you can do to help? Well, there is always a possibility to change the outcome.
If it is someone you know well and you tend to interact with this person a lot then, you may want to maintain a relationship with this person but if it is really a stranger or someone you interacted once or twice then, you may think about handling things in a peaceful way but not expecting to really build a relationship or see them again.
As indicated by researchers, “yelling can prove as vile as any other form of abuse.
Further, researchers have found that yelling seldom eliminates or alleviates an issue; nor does it cause the yeller’s triggers to subside.”
Subsequently, yelling is not effective at all, now let’s think why do we yell. For some people yelling, shouting, screaming, name-calling, belittling, humiliating, is justifiable in the form of getting the attention we need, incite or stip up emotions, control someone, manipulate, etc.
Resist the urge and remain calm
We understand how when we are being yelled at, we feel the need, almost as an urge to yell back.
When we feel upset, vulnerable, threatened, etc., we feel we need to fight back but try not to do it since we tend to do and say things we regret later on.
Take a deep breath and count slowly to ten.
Put things into perspective and detach yourself from the situation, this will make it easier for you to remain calm and collected.
Remember to also resist the urge of using phrases like “you are just hormonal” or “it is because of your period”, they are sexist which can be considered rude and can make the situation more complicated.
Empathize with them (validate)
When a girl yells at you or any other person really, what they are looking for is validation and someone who can empathize with them.
In addition, yelling surfaces when we feel we are not being heard or our message is not important/clear enough.
Put some effort into understanding where they are coming from and even if you don’t share their point of view, validate what and how they are feeling.
You could say something like “I can see you are angry and frustrated. I would feel the same way if___________.”
When someone is yelling at us, we don’t tend to listen to them as much as they would want to but in this case, the best thing to do is to try to get some of the keywords and paraphrase the issue.
This way you can show them you are listening and you care. For instance, you can say something like:
“If I understand correctly, what you mean to say is….” or “what concerns you the most is…”
Let them vent
When someone is yelling at us, the last thing we need is to make things worse so let the person vent and avoid taking things personally.
Sometimes we just need someone to listen to what we have to say without being interrupted.
However, know when to step away if the situation is not getting any better, meaning, if the yelling continues or the situation keeps escalating after you have tried to diffuse the yeller, but make sure to let the yeller know about it instead of just leaving without saying anything. It could actually make things worse.
Consider it as a cool-off period and when both parties are calm, you can have a calm conversation about what happened.
Take responsibility and reconcile
If you have done something wrong make sure to take responsibility for your actions and apologize.
Sometimes we don’t even know or we are not aware of our mistakes, but if you are able to recognize you had some responsibility, ask for forgiveness but avoid taking the blam/apologizing just as a way to diffuse the yeller.
Moreover, this can allow you to empathize with the yeller and understand why they acted the way they did.
It could have been out of frustration, anger, sadness, hurt, etc., but if you are able to find common ground, it would be easier to solve the problem.
As we have mentioned, if it is in your best interest to keep a healthy relationship with the yeller consider the following, according to Tasha Rube :
- If the yeller is someone you can’t or don’t want to cut ties with, you can bring yourself to making amends by remembering where the yeller is coming from. After all, yelling is ultimately a disgruntled sign of passion and care about something.
- If you choose to walk out, keep in mind that you may be in for a tense encounter the next time you see the yeller.
Talk about their behavior
Make sure to tell the person, how the yelling made you feel, for instance, “I can’t understand what you say when you start yelling and it is actually making me feel overwhelmed/sad/nervous/worried.”
However, the idea here is to communicate how you are feeling without making any accusations or blaming the other person but you could ask the person if they could stop the yelling or modulate their tone of voice.
Determine the best approach when deciding to talk about their behavior, the situation, and how to let the person know about how it makes you feel.
In contrast, if it is someone that cut you off in traffic or someone to interact occasionally then you need to be even more assertive about it because we may not be able to address them the same way we would with a friend or a sibling.
Why is this blog about When a girl yells at you important?
We have discussed what you could do when a girl yells at you and this can actually apply to any when dealing with any yeller.
There may be various reasons why someone resorts to yelling, but we don’t intend to justify any of them but consider how someone might yell because thy are angry, frustrated, sad, hurt, etc.
This can actually help understand their behavior and find a better approach.
However, let’s consider how we have the power to change the outcome since it is way to easy just to give in and yell back.
Remember, make sure to acknowledge what the yeller is saying, rephrase, and check your understanding, empathize, take the best approach to discuss their behavior and apologize when required.
Please feel free to leave any comments or thoughts about the content of this article!
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about When a girl yells at you
What to do if a girl yells at you?
If a girl yells at you, here are some tips on what to do:
– Stay calm, breathe, and avoid feeding into anger.
– Take a mental step back and put things into perspective.
– Avoid taking things personally.
– Listen and don’t just agree with the yeller so they stop yelling since it can make things worse.
– Use a soft tone of voice to address the yelling.
– If necessary, ask for a break from the person.
What being yelled at does to you?
If someone is exposed to frequent yelling, it can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, among others.
Researchers have found a connection between emotional abuse and depression and/or anxiety.
Moreover, being yelled at can increase the risk of increasing self-destructive behaviors such as drug abuse or risky sexual activity.
What do you say when someone yells at you?
When someone yells at you, you can feel completed to react the same way and match the yelling.
However, the best thing to do is to take deep breaths and avoid engaging with their yelling.
Instead, try to assess the situation, put things into perspective, and calmly address the yeller.
You could say something like “I understand you are angry and right now it is not possible to have a conversation if you are yelling. Take some time for yourself and then we can talk about it.”
Is yelling at someone disrespectful?
Yelling at someone can be considered disrespectful, especially when it comes to name-calling, sarcasm, or humiliation.
Doesn’t matter what the other person has done, yelling at them won’t solve the problem.
Why do I cry when yelled at?
Crying is a normal response when being yelled at if we are feeling frightened, sad, overwhelmed or threatened by the other person.
There are many reasons why someone would cry when being yelled at but we need to learn how to respond to those situations in a different way, saying what we are feeling and sharing our thoughts.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.
Carroll, J. (2017, Nov.) 10 Things To Do When Someone Is Yelling At You. Retrieved from thriveglobal.com.
Rube, T. (2019, Sep.) How to Deal With Someone Yelling at You. Retrieved from wikihow.com.