What to do when you are ghosted? 

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This article will explain what you can do when you are ghosted by someone you were going out with. The article will also discuss what it means to be ghosted, and how it can affect you.

What to do when you are ghosted? 

Being ghosted can be extremely difficult, but there are some things you can do when it happens to you. Let’s discuss what they are.

Allow your feelings to flow

Being ghosted can affect you in many ways. You may feel confusion, sadness, frustration, impotence, and so many other feelings. As this happens to you, try to let it all flow. 

This doesn’t mean you should be okay with suffering forever because you were ghosted, but simply that you shouldn’t try to push your feelings down, and behave as if nothing has happened. 

Don’t blame yourself 

When ghosted people will quickly start blaming themselves. They may start to wonder what they did wrong, and assume it was all their fault. This can just add up to the pain, and sense of rejection you are feeling.

Know that the reasons why people ghosted you are often related to them. Maybe they wanted something different than what you were looking for, or they had trouble telling you that they weren’t interested. Either way, it is not something to blame yourself for.

Rejection is always hard. When it is done in this way, it can be even crueler. But know that it is not all your fault, and even if you did something the other person didn’t like, there is no excuse for just disappearing without any communication.

There is no reason to feel ashamed 

When you are ghosted it can trigger past experiences of rejection. It is not all about this person that has ghosted you, the pain you feel can often be related to a lot of your older experiences. So when the ghosting happens, you can begin to feel ashamed, as if you are unworthy of love.

If you have that in mind when you are ghosted, it may be easier to set apart one experience from the other and understand there is no reason to feel ashamed that it happened. It is something that, even though it is not good, can happen to everyone, and it doesn’t devalue you as a person, or a partner.

Don’t spend too much time dwelling on it

Experiencing ghosting can often lead you to a spiral of thoughts, and leave you trapped ruminating about what happened. You may begin to create dialogues in your mind with the person that ghosted you, thinking of what you would say or do.

But know that the more you stay connected to this, the bigger the space this story will have in you. Instead of focusing on this, try to focus on yourself, and what you want from a relationship.

Care for yourself 

Focusing on your self-care, be it a bubble bath, a massage, having good conversations with friends, or even reading a good book can be extremely helpful to cope with being ghosted.

You may begin to see yourself more positively and realize that there is a lot you can offer a partner that is willing to let you into their life.

Talk to people 

If you feel you are too stuck in the pattern of thinking about why you were ghosted, it may be a good idea to talk to friends about it. Venting will not only allow you to externalize your feelings but also maybe help you get a new perspective on what has happened.

Put yourself out there

After you have been ghosted it may be difficult to consider going on a date again. You may have trouble trusting people, and begin to wonder if it is safe. Even though it is hard to put yourself out there, know that it is possible to find people that you can trust, so allow yourself to meet them.

What does it mean to be ghosted? 

Being ghosted means that you are going out with someone for a while, or even went on just a date or two, and out of a sudden the other person simply disappears. They don’t get in touch with you anymore and stop answering all of your texts, or even calls.

People will often ghost each other because technology will often make it easier for people to just disconnect from each other without having to have a conversation. 

But sometimes people can also ghost because they are afraid of hurting the other person, or even they have a mental illness that makes it harder for them to commit to a relationship.

Other people may decide to ghost others because they feel the relationship is moving too fast, and they feel overwhelmed. Or because they have low self-esteem and believe they are not worthy of a good relationship. People with insecure attachment styles can also be ones that will ghost people quite easily. 

How being ghosted can impact me? 

Being ghosted can be extremely hurtful, even though nowadays it is seen as something normal, it will often leave the person that was ghosted wondering what happened, or even worse, what they have done wrong that led them to be ghosted.

It can lead you to experience many emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and distrust. You can feel helpless because there is nothing you can do to change the situation, and that can even make you feel hopeless about the possibility of having a good and healthy relationship.

It can also have a profound impact on your sense of self-worth, and your self-esteem, and when this becomes an occurrence in your life, it can even lead to depression. 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What to do when you are ghosted? 

What should I write in a text to someone that ghosted me?

If you think someone has ghosted you, and you are trying to get in touch with them, there are some things you can write in a text to them. You can do a short text, that just acknowledges that it has been a while since the two of you have talked, like: “Hey, how are you? It has been a while.”

You can also let them know that you understand they are ghosting you, but that you are open and willing to talk about what happened and say: “Hello, I thought we had a solid start. But maybe that was only my perception, but if you ever want to talk, and let me know what happened, I would be glad to hear it.”

If you just want to put an end to it and show them you are done, you can write something like this: “I haven’t heard from you in quite some time, and now for me, this doesn’t seem so interesting anymore.” 

If you are still trying to get in touch with the person that ghosted you, because you want to meet them again, you may want to write: “Hi, I am going to the local pub with some friends tomorrow, and thought that it would be great if you could join. Let me know if you are open to it.”

And finally, you may want to write them in a way that shows them how being ghosted made you feel. In that case, you can say: “Hey, I am writing just to tell you that I wish you could have communicated what happened to me. Being left without an answer is just difficult.”

Should I get in touch with the person that ghosted me?

Although you may feel the urge to get in touch with them for various reasons, be it to fight, call them out, or even ask them to give this another try, you should know that if they have ghosted you it is probably because they don’t want to have this interaction anymore.

And although that may hurt, have in mind that you may even try to make contact, but, likely, doing that won’t make you not feel pain. It is completely normal to be hurt when someone ghosts you. What you should focus on, rather than trying to discuss it with the other person, is caring for your feelings.

What is considered soft ghosting?

Soft ghosting is what happens when someone is no longer interacting with you properly, meaning they are not replying to your messages, or even making a point out of meeting you. But at the same time, you may notice that whenever you post something online, be it on Facebook, or Instagram, the person will like it.

So they are not removing themselves completely from your life. They have cut one form of proper communication, and are not giving you a proper response, but they still try to keep you tied to them for some reason.

Do people that ghosts often come back?

Yes, there is a big chance that a person that has ghosted you in the past will come back at some point. That is because when they ghost you it is often. After all,  they didn’t see the point in continuing this interaction.

But when they come back, something has likely changed inside them, and now they feel like they should give this another try. Notice that this is not related to how you convince the person that ghosted you to come back. 

That can be almost impossible to do. What can happen is that they realize by themselves that they should give this another try.

What can I say after I have ghosted someone?

If you have ghosted someone, and you are trying to make amends, the first thing you should do is admit what you did. Owning up to your mistakes, and apologizing for them is the bare minimum in this situation.

After that, you should be open to listening to what the person has to say, as they will likely want to let you know how you ghosting them made them feel. 

Once you know how it feels for the other person, it is up to you to work on improving this relationship, and showing them your view in this relationship has changed, and that you are willing to do the work to show them they can trust you, and that you are never ghosting them again.

Conclusion 

This article discussed what you should do when you are ghosted by a person you were going out with. It also explained what it means to be ghosted, and how it can affect you.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-being-ghosted-5101153
https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-youve-been-ghosted#why-me

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