What Not To Say To An Overthinker (7 Things

This article will look at what not to say to an overthinker and why while at the same time it will point out what you actually should say to an overthinker. It will explain why saying something may or may not help and how you can help an overthinker become more productive and practical.

What Not To Say To An Overthinker?

There are a number of things you should not say to an overthinker such as:

  • Get Over It
  • It’s Not Important
  • You Think Too Much
  • It Will Be Okay
  • Why Would You think Of That
  • Your Fears Are Just Thoughts
  • You Are Wasting Time

In the upcoming section of this article, we will look at why saying the above things will only make matters worse for the overthinker! Furthermore, we will later look at how to deal with an overthinker for the better understanding of the readers.

What Not To Say To An Overthinker?

These are things you should never say to an overthinker!

Get Over It

One of the worst things you could tell an over thinker is to ‘Get Over It’. Not only do you hurt their feelings but you spill water on all their thoughts and the time spent in them. It may be true – of course it is – that they spend too much time thinking on a certain topic and it seems as though they are obsessed about it. However, in reality, they cannot really help it and there are better ways to help them overcome their obsession. One of those ways is clearly not telling them to get over it.

It’s Not Important

It is better to let the overthinker decide what is important or not for them. However, it could be advised that they need to spend a balanced amount of time thinking about things that seem important to them. If you tell an overthinker that ‘It’s Not Important’, it is likely that not only will they get offended but they may not open up with you anymore. This will definitely become a problem if they are someone close.

Telling someone what is and what is not important is never a good idea because for every person different things matter. The right way to go about things with an overthinker will be described in the upcoming section of the article.

You Think Too Much

We all know stating the obvious is never a good idea. Also, someone going through issues or someone who is not able to help with a habit would never want to hear you restate what they already know. It is not only irritating but they might get hurt and may end up in that endless loop of thinking – especially with your reminders.

A better way to deal with things would be to help them learn how to think less and maybe utilize their time better!

It Will Be Okay

False assurance is not a good thing especially when things seem bad and the other person can’t stop thinking about it. Giving someone false hope is also not a good idea because the other person will perceive you as someone who either ignores the threat or does not understand their mental and/or physical state. 

Just by saying ‘It Will Be Okay’ will not eliminate the problem itself – this is also obvious to the overthinker. A better way would be to solve the problem or help the overthinker solve the problem and maybe then will they stop thinking about it.

Why Would You Think Of That

Going back to our previous comment on telling someone what is and what is not important should be up to the person themself. Others should not make this decision for the overthinker. This can hurt sentiments especially if what they think about – overthink about – is very important to them. A friend may say this with good intentions; they just want the overthinker to believe that there are other things that matter and it would be a good idea to stop thinking about this particular thing. They are worried and hence say this with good intentions.

However, even good intentions can backfire when not done in the proper way. Why? Because we tend to look at things from our perspective and not that of others. Hence, instead of telling or questioning your overthinking friend, try and talk to them rather than tell them only.

Your Fears Are Just Thoughts

This is not true. One’s thoughts can open up an entire world; these thoughts are oftentimes the root of mental disorders where a person can go mad because of their thoughts. Hence to state, ‘ Your Fears Are Just Thoughts’, is not only a simplification of the problem but can also hurt the person because they will feel as though they are not understood. This will only cause them to distance themself from you.

Overthinkers are not only worried about someone or something but they are also frustrated by the fact that they cannot stop thinking about it. Who would want to think of their problems most of the time? No one right? However, these unfortunate people cannot stop thinking so easily nor do they get distracted. Even if they can, because of their personality, they may be a bit difficult to convince. However, with patience, kind words, some effort and logical discussions, you can convince them to do rather than think only.

You Are Wasting Time

Yes this is absolutely the worst thing you could say to anyone let alone an overthinker. It is true that the overthinker will spend hours thinking over something for many reasons such as being unable to control their thoughts or because they derive a certain pleasure from staying in their head and thinking. Regardless of all this, it can’t be justified when you tell someone they are wasting time.

This can once again cause the overthinker to become distant or more absorbed in their thoughts because now they know that even if they share what they go through or think about, there is a chance they will hear someone say that you are wasting time!

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What To Say To An Overthinker?

Now that we know what not to say to an overthinker, let us take a look at what we should say or do when it comes to dealing with overthinkers:

  • Let’s Talk: The best way to get them out of their head is to talk about the issue rather than try and make them ignore or forget about it. Sometimes we need to overdose ourselves with what consumes us to truly understand it’s bad effects – not recommended with everything though! By allowing the overthinker to talk continuously about something that bothers them, not only are you helping them get out of their thoughts but you are helping them clear what confuses them because speaking about something is easier to perceive and work upon rather than thinking about it!
  • Work On It: If your friend overthinks about something, put a stop to it by actually working on it. If they keep thinking what is going to happen if so and so happens then show them what will happen by taking a step. This will not only help them to stop being curious about things but will also demonstrate to them how to get over a certain thought.
  • Get Them Busy: Don’t take them out but their mind. You will notice that we try to distract our loved ones by taking them out but they still seem distracted by their thoughts. Why? Well because we need to distract them mentally. Get them going ona cool board game or mental challenge. It will make them realize the peace they feel when they stop thinking about a particular someone or something!

Conclusion

This article pointed out what things should not be said to an overthinker and why. Furthermore. It clarified what can be done or said to help someone who suffers with the habit of overthinking and also explained why such words or actions would be helpful.

What we recommend for Relationship issues

Professional relationship counselling

If you are suffering from relationship issues then ongoing professional relationship counselling could be what you need. Relationship Counselling can be done individually or with one or more partners.

Relationship counselling helps you regain the amazing elements of your relationship and provides you with the techniques needed to avoid conflicts, misunderstandings and the most common issues most relationships struggle with.

References

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/toxic-habits-overthinking1/

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