What is the meaning of hyper independence? (+5 coping tips)

This article will explain what hyper independence means, and what are the signs you have it. It will also discuss how one can cope with it when it becomes a problem.

What is the meaning of hyper independence? 

Hyper independence is what happens to people that decide to be independent and not ask for the help of anyone, even in situations that can be detrimental to them. When someone has hyper independence they can focus more on the “I”, than on the “we”.

This can make it harder for people to ask for help from others, which can lead them to take on too much. They also have trouble offering help to others, and can’t delegate when doing things with others. 

Commonly, people that are hyper-independent are that way because they have gone through a traumatic experience in the past that showed them they couldn’t count on others. Facing that, they learned how to do things on their own as a way of protecting themselves from harm.

Hyper independence can be caused by having gone through a toxic relationship, having been neglected in your childhood, or any sort of traumatic situation.  In that case, this trait has likely been developed without you knowing it, and you can think that things have always been that way. 

It is important to keep in mind that being independent is necessary, as it shows you are someone that can care for yourself. But we live in a community, and we are social beings, so being able to make yourself vulnerable, and being open to people can be extremely positive and bring you a lot of joy as well.

What are common signs of hyper-independence? 

When a person is hyper-independent, they can show it in some ways. First of all, you may be extremely private. People can often tell you that they don’t feel they know a lot about you, and this may be a result of you closing yourself off to others.

You may also be a person that works too hard for things, being often an overachiever, or perfectionist. You throw yourself into everything you do and give 110%. You can be obsessed with your work or your academic career, and although those can be important to you, you can also focus on that too much as a way to prevent yourself from being with others.

As said before, people that are hyper-independent also have trouble delegating things. They can think others won’t be as skillful to do things as they are, or they won’t trust people, so you tend to give people the simplest tasks, and keep the other ones to yourself. 

It also has been mentioned that people that are hyper-independent have trouble asking for the help of others. It is not something that is connected with the idea of you being too arrogant or even having too much pride. 

It is mostly based on the belief that others may fail you as they have before, so you shouldn’t trust them. It may also be based on the fear that you will be a burden to the other person.

Because you don’t delegate, or even ask for people’s help, it may mean that you will always do things by yourself. It can be your house chores, your work, or study activities. You may only go out with people when they invite you, and you rarely invite people to do things, because of that, it is also rare that you will spend time with people.

Being hyper-independent also means that you will always make your decisions alone. You will rarely ask for people’s opinions, and if they ever share their thoughts, you may easily disregard them. It may be important to know how to think and decide things for yourself, but having this behavior all the time can alienate you from other people.

Hyper independence can also make it difficult for you to maintain a long-term relationship. And this is not only a romantic relationship, it can also be difficult to have friends that you can be close to for a prolonged period. This happens because you usually keep yourself distant from others, and being vulnerable, and opening yourself up to them is difficult.

Although the problem lies with these behaviors, it can cause people to feel like they are unwanted, or even that you don’t like them as much, which ultimately makes them distance themselves as well.

Finally, hyper-independence can cause you to not feel comfortable, or like certain types of people. That is true, especially for needy people. And when you face them, you will likely just run in the opposite direction. 

That is because they will often be the type of people that would constantly ask questions, and try to get closer to you, which can make you feel smothered. You perceive their excess of attention as a sign of weakness because for you a person should never need another, but only themselves. 

How can I deal with hyper-independence? 

Dealing with hyper independence can be difficult, it may be a behavior you have had for years, and thinking about making yourself vulnerable can seem impossible. But at some point, you may feel drained by doing everything on your own and may need to consider opening yourself up to get other people to help.

To try and change the quick response of being hyper-independent, when you feel you are in a situation where you are thinking of pushing someone back, try to understand why this is happening. Is it the fear of letting people in, or showing yourself vulnerable.

Try to think about how it would be if you let someone help you to determine what can happen in reality, and what is your fear of the traumatic situation you have been through before. As you consider accepting the help, try to keep in mind that accepting the help won’t be something that will diminish your abilities and your sense of self.

In some cases, especially one’s hyper independence is a symptom of Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), it may be important for you to look for professional help, and go to therapy. In that, you will be able to talk about your feelings and learn new ways to cope with the traumatic events you have been through.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What is the meaning of hyper independence? 

How can I be in a relationship with someone independent?

To be in a relationship with someone independent the first thing you should do is prevent from playing games with them since they won’t waste their time trying to figure out what you are saying. You should also make the effort to understand that they need their own time and try to give it to them.

Being in a relationship with an independent person also means that you should try to accept that they will make their own decisions, and make plans of their own sometimes. One of the downsides of being independent can be that they will often have trouble asking for help, so make sure that you support them, without smothering them.

And finally, having a relationship with someone that is independent means being able to value them for who they are, and being able to be their source of support whenever it is necessary.

What are the signs of an overly independent child?

An overly independent child is likely one that finds it difficult to ask, or even to receive help from other people. They can also be too critical of themselves and can have trouble being in the limelight when they are the ones being talked about.

Children that are too independent will often have trouble manifesting their emotions, and because of that, you can discount, ignore, or even hide them. Finally, an overly independent child will likely be extremely caring of the needs of others, and show them a lot of compassion, even though you don’t do the same for yourself.

What is abandonment trauma?

Abandonment trauma is a trauma response that can come from the child’s formative years, in which they feared that their parents, or the people executing that function in their life, would fail them. 

It can say it is the reaction of having an insecure attachment style with the people that cared for them first. This makes it harder for the child to feel safer in exploring the world, and developing self-esteem.

Essentially, abandonment trauma can be caused by a negligent family or one that is emotionally unavailable. Having parents that abused alcohol, or drugs, or were even dealing with mental illnesses such as depression, can lead to it as well.

Coming from an unstable family, be it emotionally, or for example, dealing with parents that fought, or were getting divorced can have the same effect. It can also come from the sudden loss of a caregiver, for example, if a parent died.

How can I raise an independent child?

To raise an independent child the first thing you should do is prevent from doing things for your child they have already learned to do by themselves. That is because by doing it, you will not let them train as well as they should.

You should also make sure to count on them to contribute to the family. Of course, each age comes with its proper activities, but you should always let them participate. You should also make the effort to let your child choose, this doesn’t mean letting them choose from a broad spectrum, but giving them two choices that they can choose from will value their independence.

Be sure to always value the attempts they make on things, and be sure to look at the failures positively. Aside from that, focus on teaching them to look for ways to solve problems, and be sure to always nurture who they are.

What are the consequences of being rejected?

Being rejected can affect you in many ways. It can be so intense that it can affect your hormones, and even make your body experience pain. Your digestion seems to also be impacted, and it causes your brain to ruminate on what has happened.

Rejection can also affect your patterns of thoughts, and even make you experience withdrawal from the person. Finally, it can lead you to experience a condition called brain fog, which ultimately makes you feel extremely confused.

Conclusion 

This article explained what hyper-independence means. It also showed what are the common signs of hyper independence, and what are ways to cope with it.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://psych2go.net/8-signs-of-hyper-independence/

https://psychcentral.com/health/hyper-independence-trauma