What is the grass is a greener syndrome? (+3 coping tips)

This article will explain what the grass is greener syndrome, how it sets up, and how to cope with it.

What is the grass is a greener syndrome?  

The grass is greener syndrome is the idea someone may have that there is always something better that they are missing on. It comes from a known phrase that is often spoken, that the grass is greener on the other side. It highlights that, no matter what you have at the moment, you will always be hit with the idea that on the other side things are better.

People that have this syndrome, and this sort of mentality can be said to have trouble with a commitment since for them what they have will never be as good as the next thing that is about to come. Because of that, it may be difficult for these people to live with something stable, and safe, and find some sense of security at the moment. 

When you have the grass is greener syndrome you may also struggle because you have this idea of perfection or the ideal that you want to reach, and anything less than that is not valuable. It is possible to have this syndrome or mentality in every aspect of your life, you can think about your relationship, your work, or even the city you live in.

This can make you constantly be with one foot out the door in which situation you are in. What is important to keep in mind is that this type of thought is usually mostly based on a fantasy, or even on some deep-seated fear you have.

You can fear that you will be trapped in a situation, or that at some point it will all seem too boring to you, that you will lose your individuality, or even what you will be missing out by staying in the situation you are in. In this fear, there is a fantasy that there is something that will is perfect for you, and with that, you let go of the idea that people will always compromise.

It is also known that people the fear commitment will often have trouble with compromising since it will feel to them as if they are being oppressed by others, while we have the fantasy that out there there is something that would never ask us to compromise.

In this fantasy, people begin to project and have the idea that they will be able to get something better than what they have, that they will be happier, and that the other aspects of their life won’t be affected by it. But that is not true, once you make the decision to go after what was on the other side, and things become real, you may see yourself wanting to go back to where you were before because what looked perfect in reality is not.

The problem with projection in this syndrome is that you put your sense of fulfillment, and happiness on something outside of yourself, the same is said for the sense of unhappiness. And when you go to the other side and see that the sense of happiness should come from within, all you are going through turns into disappointment.

So instead of fantasizing that the other side would be greener, it may be a life lesson to know that the grass on any side will only be as green as you allow it to be. Which may give you a sense of autonomy, and the possibility of caring for your grass.

But it is not always like that, there are some situations in which the grass may be greener on the other side. For example, if you have been going through an abusive relationship, the grass may seem greener when you look at the possibility of having a healthier relationship.

If you feel that you have the grass is greener syndrome, you should know that it sets itself in a pattern. First, you may realize that you have a pattern of repetition of always thinking that something greater is out there, and this belief causes you to constantly change things in your life.

The idea of perfection is also overwhelming in your life. And it is not the idea of leaving an abusive relationship for a healthy one, the idea of perfection lies in thinking that the thing you want should always be ideal. In this, you will have trouble compromising.

And when reality kicks in, you may realize that you are taken by the urge of running away from that situation. This loop will often leave you with a constant feeling of dissatisfaction that can only be dealt with by you realizing the reality of life, and how your happiness and sense of fulfillment should lie inside you, and not in others.

How can I cope with the grass is a greener syndrome? 

If you feel you have the grass is greener syndrome, you should know that it is not something to quickly fix. To move past this pattern you must learn the root reasons why you believe that better things are always coming.

For that, it may be important that you go to therapy. It will allow you to understand your expectations for perfection, and where the idealization comes from. In this process, you may also learn how to connect more deeply with the things that are a part of your life at the moment. Creating a place of stability inside you, you may see that it will spread through the external, and all areas of your life.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What is the grass is a greener syndrome?  

Is it common to have doubts in a relationship? 

Yes, it is normal to have doubts about a relationship, although romantic movies have shown us that we should never question why we are in a relationship or behave as if this person is the only attractive person in the world, there are a lot of things that are normal to wonder about in relationships.

First of all, you should know that it is completely normal to be attracted to other people, but when that happens you should act as if it has been arrested in your relationship. It is also common to not always be satisfied with the sex.

As routine takes over, and sometimes life asks of you to prioritize other things. But this doesn’t mean that sex will always be bad, and you and your partner should always be open to discussing these matters.

It is also perfectly normal to not get along with your partner’s family or even to discuss with yourself if you are settling by staying in that relationship. But when you think that, try to determine what you like most about what the two of you have.

Is it common for exes to come back after they have dated someone else? 

Yes, an ex could always try to reconnect with you after they have gone out with someone else. They can even go back after they have had a long-term relationship with someone else.

But it is not something you should hold your breath for, you shouldn’t stop your life for the possibility that someone might or not come back. Instead, you should try to take advantage of this time, and spend it focusing on yourself.

Take time to rediscover who you are without the relationship. Be open to going out with friends, and spending time experimenting with new things. With all of that, it may even be that your ex comes back, but if he does, you will have your life all figured out, that getting back together with them may be something that will make you happy, but it is not something essential for your happiness.

What are red flags in a relationship? 

There are many red flags in a relationship, and you should keep on the lookout for them. One important red flag is understanding if your partner is too controlling, the lack of trust in the relationship is also something that should be seen as a red flag.

Being in a relationship that leaves you feeling worse about yourself, and affects your self-esteem, or in which you experience abuse, be it physical, emotional, or even psychological are all considered red flags as well.

A partner that has a substance abuse problem that affects your relationship, a partner that seems to be a narcissist or even one that has problems dealing with their emotions, or even anger, are all red flags to be aware of.

Being in a relationship in which the two of you are codependent, have trouble dealing with conflict, and are constantly jealous of one another may be a sign to look out for. Other important red flags are having a partner that gaslights you, lacks emotional intelligence or even makes your relationship with other people, such as your family, or friends, worse.

What are signs we are not right for each other? 

Some signs will help you know the two of you are not right for each other. First of all, you may not be right for each other if you feel that you have been trying to convince yourself that you are. Aside from that, having an on-again, off-again relationship, and feeling that you are not good enough for them is a sign of that.

Knowing that the two of you are not intellectually compatible and that you had a fantasy about the ideal partner that was a lot different, can also indicate you are not right for each other. That is also the case when you feel it in your gut.

Finally, if you feel that everything is going well, but they don’t want a commitment at the moment if you feel. drained by this relationship, or even if you feel like there is chemistry in the relationship, but the two of you don’t have anything in common.

What are signs I have fallen out of love?

When you fall out of love with someone there may be some signs. You don’t worry about them as much as you used to, and you are not proud of them anymore. You may also notice that you have started comparing them to others, and there is no intimacy anymore.

There is no intention of planning dates, and it can feel like you are better on your own. Hanging out together doesn’t seem fun anymore, and you think about your plans without including them. All of that shows you that they are not your priority anymore.

And soon you will start complaining about them to everyone. That is when you will likely realize that the reasons why you are still with them have completely changed from the beginning of the relationship. 

Conclusion 

This article centered on explaining what the grass is, how it affects you, and what are the best ways to cope with it.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://psychcentral.com/blog/relationships-balance/2013/03/16/the-grass-is-greener-syndrome#7