What happens if my ex won’t go to mediation?

In this brief blog, we will be talking about what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation, what to do if my ex won’t go to mediation, why it is important to know what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation, and more information about what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation.

What happens if my ex won’t go to mediation?

There are a lot of situations that can occur when your ex won’t go to mediation. Although no one really likes nor anticipates separation, most modern marriages have ended up in heated conflicts and splits because of some hidden tensions that have begun to resurface. 

Some divorce and separation cases are so futile that a consensual agreement is no longer available in this time. While court proceedings are considered the final resort, partners are typically advised to opt for mediation on their part. 

These kinds of services can help settle conflicts and establish just agreements on how the divorce terms will be handled in this case. The cost of scheduling proceedings and hiring representation lawyers can be very high and sometimes even prohibitive to the part of the parties in this kind of case. 

The partner may already have a specialized lawyer to reap the most out of your split which can be unfair especially if you do not have sufficient aid in this kind of case. Fortunately, you do not have to worry anymore about an ex-spouse who has no will for this kind of service.

Compulsory mediation miam in court

Since April 2014, the government of UK requires all divorce cases taken to court to have first considered mediation as an alternative solution to settling splits in this kind of scenario. The jury will need proof of this case before allocating court proceeding time for divorce cases by the interested parties.

It is no longer possible to rush to court before considering these services in court. Your partner may make it so hard to settle separation calling for court proceedings as the only available option for the two.

However, both parties are now required to attend MIAM or the Mediation Information Assessment Meeting before going to court for this case. These meetings are held between you and the mediator although they can also include your partner in the case.

These meetings take about 45 minutes and you may obligate a couple of sessions before final agreements and arrangements are made for this case. In these meetings, your mediator will explain a couple of things such as the following;

  • The mediation, what it is and its purpose in the situation
  • What options you have in mediation
  • Mediation benefits
  • Suitability and type of mediation that’s appropriate for the situation

These meetings are basically aimed at determining whether your case can be settled through this case without court proceedings as a mandatory requirement. If this case is not a possible plausible option after the meetings, the mediator will provide a form to certify that you both attended this meeting. 

Judges use this form to take up cases that can only be settled in court proceedings as necessary. However, if this case can be used to solve the separation which is a lot of the times, there will be no need for court proceedings apart from bargain agreement and appearance for legalization of the divorce in this situation.

The courts must be aware that you considered this case before issuing proceeding and your partner will be obligated to consent with these new regulations even if they do not want to in this scenario.

Advantages of mediation

It is not atypical for splits to depict violence and ultimate despise for one another in this kind of case. Some cases can be quite violent involving abuse, threats and intimidation as well as unnecessary aggression in this kind of case. 

When this is the case, most people think of court a proceeding which is typically expensive and time-consuming besides publicizing of the split in this kind of case. These kinds of cases are privately handled and only involve divorcing partners and the mediator sometimes including representatives of both parties.

They are low cost and lead to just consensual agreements as opposed to court rulings which may be inconsiderate and woeful in most instances. Over the course of the marriage, partners gain various rights and attachments which cannot be freely aired in public court proceedings as most professionals would expect. 

This kind of service provides a plain level for both partners to air their bargains and settlement requirements with equal opportunities to justify rationally and considerately.
Most couples who have used this kind of service successfully settle their disputes and everyone leaves the relationship with fair share. 

Explaining the advantages of this service is one of the purposes of mediators and MIAM sessions. What’s more, you can qualify for Legal Aid which covers all the cost of this service and separation without paying attorneys or the mediators as most professionals would state.

Visitation rights that will be discussed in mediation

Your ex might inform you that they’d like you to meet with a child custody mediator and you might not know what to do in this kind of case. First, it helps to have a clear understanding of what this kind of service is and what it can do for you. 

This kind of service refers to the process of resolving legal disputes with the help of a professional mediator who acts as a neutral third party and facilitates discussion. Family law mediators, in particular, help parents work through child custody arrangements, parenting time and visitation, child support, and more of this case.

The advantages of working with a child custody mediator include an increased willingness, on the part of both parents, to follow the agreed-upon arrangement and even saving money compared to a contentious court battle as most people would expect.

Consider the Visitation Request

Start by considering whether you wish to try this kind of service with your ex. Unless you have been ordered by a judge to attend a session of this service, you’re free to decide whether you want to participate or not. 

If you feel that this kind of service may help you and your ex work together to reach an agreement, then you may want to give it a try.

Respond in Writing To The Visitation Request

Once you’ve made a decision about whether to try this kind of service, you should inform your ex about that decision in writing. This way, if you are willing to mediate and later end up in court, you can show the judge that you were willing to cooperate when your ex asked you to give this kind of service a go. 

On the other hand, if you decline this kind of service, explain your reasoning in your response. As long as you have valid reasons to decline this kind of service, you won’t be seen as uncooperative in the event that you later end up in court.

Some states permit parents to submit their initial request for this kind of service through the courts. If that is the case where you live, you would need to contact the court to respond to the request directly in this kind of case.

Know the Ramifications of Refusing to Participate In Visitation Requests

In the event that a judge has ordered you to participate in this kind of service, you must attend one session, at least, and demonstrate a willingness to make this service work. Failure to do this much could cause the judge to hold you in contempt in this kind of case. 

In addition, refusing to participate in court-ordered form of this service is likely to make the judge assigned to your case angry which could easily work against you. However, if you have not been ordered by the court to try this kind of service, then there really aren’t any definitive legal ramifications to refusing to participate. 

If the other parent later brings you to court, he or she may try to bring up your refusal to mediate to the judge in this kind of case. If not ordered by the court, this kind of service is something that both parents must agree to; one parent cannot force the other to participate in this service.

Know What to Expect From Child Custody Mediation

Sessions of this service usually last two to three hours. This kind of session typically begins with the mediator making introductions and explaining his or her role. 

He or she will then ask you and your ex to briefly introduce yourselves, present your side of the story, and give a brief explanation of why you are seeking this kind of service. You may also be asked to make a list of key concerns that need to be addressed in this kind of service. 

At this point, the mediator will facilitate discussions about these concerns and attempt to help you reach an agreement in this kind of case. Finally, if you and your ex are able to reach an agreement on any of the concerns you’re attempting to work through, and you wish to create a formal written agreement, the mediator will help do this in this kind of case.

What happens if my ex wants me to go to mediation alone?

If your ex wants you to go to mediation alone, there might be the insistence of the mediator to need your partner as well since this kind of case is best handled with both partners. You may have been contacted by a mediator or the other parent may have asked you to try this kind of service. 

It’s important to understand what this kind of service is and how it could help your situation.
The other parent may have approached a professional mediator because they want help to reach a decision about arrangements for your children in this kind of case. 

Or you may have been invited to a ‘Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting’ or ‘MIAM’, which is a legal requirement before the other parent can apply to court as mentioned before. It may have come as a surprise to you that your ex wants to change something regarding the arrangements for your child or children when this kind of situation arises. 

A letter from a mediator may have been completely unexpected in this kind of service. There might also be the need for you to contact your mediator if you need to propose some changes in the agreement

This kind of service can help you and the other parent resolve problems without going to court. Applying for a court order typically takes longer and may be more expensive and stressful for this kind of case. 

This kind of case could just be an opportunity to talk to someone independent about your parenting situation. You should contact the mediator to find out more about this kind of service. 

Don’t worry that the other parent has chosen the mediator, they’ll always be completely independent in this kind of case. If you’d prefer to use another mediator, you could find and agree on one together in this kind of case.

If you’ve been invited to a MIAM, you’re expected to go, unless you’re exempt from this kind of meeting. If you don’t attend, the mediator can sign a document permitting the other parent to apply for a court order about your child arrangements in this kind of service.

In this kind of service, both you and the other parent will be able to raise things that are important to you and work to agree on a solution. If a case goes to court, a judge will decide for you and it will be legally binding in this kind of case.

This kind of service works for many people but it is not right for everyone. This kind of service will not be suitable if, for instance, there’s been domestic abuse or you’re worried about the safety of the children. 

The mediator will help you understand if it could be suitable for your specific situation in this kind of case. If there are no safety issues, however, there are other methods you could try and reach an agreement if you don’t think this kind of service is right for you. 

The cheapest and easiest way to make arrangements is to negotiate with the other parent in this kind of service. There are free tools and services that can help you for this kind of service.

Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.


In this brief blog, we have talked about what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation, what to do if my ex won’t go to mediation, why it is important to know what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation, and more information about what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation.

If you have any questions about what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation, please let us know and the team will gladly answer your queries.

FAQs: what happens if my ex won’t go to mediation

What can I do if my ex refuses to go to mediation?

If your ex refuses to go to mediation, your mediator may advise you to seek an order sanctioned by the courts that will cover childcare arrangements when applicable and with a financial order as well. 

What happens if you don’t agree with mediation?

If you don’t agree in mediation, you may take this kind of concern to court. Parties do not give up their right to litigation in this kind of concern if they want to resolve the conflict in this kind of issue first. 

What can you not say in child custody mediation?

You cannot say your needs in child custody mediation. The needs of your children should be the primary focus of this mediation. You shouldn’t just agree to an order which might be impractical or overburdensome but the focus should not be dependent on your convenience or punishing the other party of this court order. 

What are the disadvantages of mediation?

The disadvantages of mediation are the party cannot be compelled to participate, except when ordered by Court, party with authority to settle is unavailable or unwilling to negotiate, need to establish a legal precedent or complex procedural concerns involved, and may not be cost-effective in a particular case. 

What do you say at custody mediation?

You say all your remarks to the mediator child instead of you focused in a custody mediation. You should remember that this isn’t about your rights as a parent in this kind of mediation. This kind of mediation is about the children, your relationship with them and your ability to co-parent. You need to ask for separate mediation if domestic violence is involved in your relationship in this kind of mediation.

What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues

Relationship counselling

  • If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.

LGBTQ issues

If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.


GOV.UK. If the other parent wants you to go to mediation.

UK Family Mediation Services. What Happens If My Ex Does Not Want To Mediate?.

Verywellfamily. Child Custody Mediation for Visitation Rights.

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