What does a narcissist want in a relationship?

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This article will show what the narcissist looks for in a relationship. But aside from that, it will show what are the most common traits that a narcissist will look for in a relationship. 

What does a narcissist want in a relationship? 

When a narcissist goes into a relationship, they are often looking for a way to make themselves feel even greater about themselves. Here is what they are looking to get out of a relationship.

To feel important 

A narcissist person will often go into a relationship to find ways to feel good about themselves. They feed on people’s perceptions of them. So they will need you to make them feel important. They have such a shaky sense of self, that they will count on you to lead them to feel good about themselves.

To feel like they are on a pedestal 

A narcissist not only wants to be important, but they also want you to have them on a pedestal. They will often portray an idealized version of themselves to you, so you will assume they are perfect.

As you have this notion of them, you will give them everything they need. You won’t be able to say no, after all, they are such perfect people, that you need to level up to their needs.

To have someone they can manipulate 

Narcissists will also look, in a relationship, for people that they can manipulate. They are often people that can’t be alone. That is because they feed on others, but if they meet a strong-willed person that won’t surrender to their need, it won’t work for them.

They need someone that they can manipulate. Not only because the person will bend to their every will, but also because having a submissive person, they will feel even greater about themselves.

To try and improve their social relationships

It may also be that a narcissist will be in a relationship because this person will help them develop some social skills they think they need, or because it will put them in contact with people they admire.

What are the common traits a narcissist looks for in a relationship?

As a narcissist is looking to get into a relationship with someone to fulfill the needs mentioned above, they will often look for some personality traits in the person they want to have a relationship with. Here are the most common traits.

Someone loyal 

When a narcissist is getting into a relationship with someone, they will often say they need someone loyal. They need people that won’t have the urge to just leave them for the next person. The loyalty that they say they need is pretty close to unconditional love.

That is the way they know they can be in this abusive relationship, without ever running the risk of being left behind by the person they are with. So they won’t be left, but they will be able to discard the person as they wish.

People that don’t ask a lot of questions 

Since they have a fragile ego, they will often want people that won’t ask them a lot of questions. They don’t want people that will put every little action of them under the microscope. If they feel questioned, it can make them stressed, and they can fear the identity they have created for themselves will crumble.

People with shaky self-esteem 

If they have someone with shaky self-esteem, it allows them to manipulate the person easier. 

Even though the person with shaky self-esteem won’t have the social status the narcissist is looking for, they will be easier to persuade than the person that has higher self-esteem, that won’t have it in them to deal with the narcissist’s ego.

A person with shaky self-esteem will often look fine from the outside but can be extremely insecure inside. And because of that, the narcissist will pressure them to get the supply they need.

People that often feel guilty 

In the same way, they will often look for people that can easily feel guilty. That is because they will be the ones that will take the blame for everything that the narcissist put on them. They may have done nothing wrong, but it is extremely easy for the narcissist to manipulate them, and turn the guilt on them.

This comes in handy as the narcissist will never take responsibility for their actions. In their line of thought, they have done nothing wrong and having someone that takes the blame, can save them a lot of work.

Overly empathetic people 

Narcissists are unable to feel empathy. Which prevents them from ever understanding what the other person wants, or needs. But they will likely need an extremely empathetic partner.

That is because people that are too empathetic will often be extremely available to others. They will listen to everything that the narcissist has to say, and will be extremely supportive, and even give them compliments in the process, making the narcissist feel great about themselves.

People that feel overly responsible for others 

A person that is overly responsible for others, like an overly empathetic person, will probably put the needs of the narcissist in front of their own needs. And that is exactly what the narcissist wants in a relationship. They want to be the number one priority in your life.

It is like they are the saint you are devoted to. They need you to worship at their altar and spend your life looking for ways to make them happy and fulfill each of their needs.

People with higher status than they are

Narcissists are people that will often want to have more and more power. And because of that, they can often look for people that have a higher social status, or even economic power, than they do. That will allow them to suck on all the person has to offer, and when they reach their goal, they may discard the person.

A passive person 

Narcissists will often look for extremely passive people. These people will often just go with the flow of what the narcissist says. If the narcissist wants to go on a trip, that is what the person will do. They want someone that won’t have any will or desire to stand for themselves.

That is because those people will often be easily manipulated. But also because a passive person may be one that will admire how assertive the narcissist is, making them feel even greater about themselves.

Someone that can forgive easily

At some point in the relationship, the partner may see some of the narcissist’s shortcomings, or they may act in a way that their mask falls off. When that happens, they will need to be with someone that can easily forgive them.

That is because they are not people that will change their behaviors, but mostly just need someone to let them off the hook.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What does a narcissist want in a relationship? 

Is there a cure to being a narcissist? 

No, there is no cure to being a narcissist. What can happen is that, at some point, the narcissist comes to terms with the fact that one or more of their narcissistic traits are causing them trouble. 

When that is the case, they can start to look for professional help to work on themselves. In that case, they will often go to therapy. In this process, they can often work on seeing themselves differently from that expectation of perfection. 

They will also be able to create more realistic goals for their lives, so they don’t feel constantly frustrated by their grandiose ideas. Sometimes the narcissist may even go to a psychiatrist, but it is not because there is medication to treat narcissism, which there isn’t. 

They may need medication to help them cope with other conditions such as anxiety, or depression, which can be common.

Will a narcissist regret losing me? 

It can be that the narcissist regrets losing you. But what you need to keep in mind is that the narcissist won’t regret missing the person you are. They will mostly regret losing what you could do for them.

That is because narcissists connect themselves to what the person can do for them, not with the individual. So if they ever realize that the people in their life are not giving them enough of what they need, and they think you would be better, they can start to regret it.

It is at that point that they may start to pursue you again. And then it is up to you if you will be back on what can often be the toxic pattern of the narcissist, or if you are done with them.

How can I make a narcissist feel bad?

A narcissist will often feel bad in two very clear situations: they will feel bad if they feel they have lost control of their victim, or if they are faced with the fact that they are not perfect.

So if you ever want to make them feel bad, show them they don’t have control over you anymore. You can begin to behave in ways they don’t like, or that are unpredictable to them. While talking to them, standing up for yourself, and not taking their opinion will also make them miserable.

Giving them facts during an argument, which don’t allow them to twist the reality will have the same effect. As for the situations that remind them they are not perfect, not getting a job promotion, or having financial problems will surely do the trick.

Do all narcissists cheat?

It is impossible to affirm, without a doubt, that all narcissists cheat when they are in a relationship. But what is known is that narcissists will often have a higher chance of cheating on their partners because some of the narcissistic traits will cause them to think it is not a big deal, or that they are allowed to do so.

Should I stay in a relationship with a narcissist?

There is no way of answering if you should. But what you should do is to keep aware of the signs if that relationship is toxic. You should also care for yourself, and your mental health since it is known that a relationship with a narcissist can be unstable.

Conclusion 

This article explained what narcissists want to take out of a relationship. Aside from that, it showed what are the most common traits a narcissist will look for when hoping to get in a relationship with someone. 

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/202104/6-traits-narcissists-want-in-romantic-partner
https://www.wengood.com/en/love/relationships/art-narcissistic-relationship-criteria

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