What can I say to my friend that is having IVF?

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This article will be centered on what you can say to your friend that is having IVF. The article will explain what IVF is, and the emotional impacts it can have on your friend.

What can I say to my friend that is having IVF?

There are some things you can say to someone that is having IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). That is because going through it is not a simple process, which can have a huge impact on a person’s life. So here are some things you can say.

Validate how they feel

Even if you haven’t gone through anything similar, or even if you don’t have the desire to have children, if someone close to you is having an IVF, you should validate their feelings. 

This is an extremely stressful moment, the couple has submitted themselves to multiple doctor appointments until they figured out what their options are, and choose IVF. And even now, during the process, it is not all easy. 

The woman will have many hormone shots, which can change their mood, and have many other impacts on her life. So if you are talking with anyone doing IVF the first thing you need to do is to validate their feelings. 

Tell them you can imagine how this process has been difficult, that you understand much of it can suck. That you know it can be a frustrating process, and you are there for them. If they feel you are open to understanding them, it can often be a huge relief.

Ask them questions about what is happening 

When your friend is going through IVF, it can be that this is all they can think about, and sometimes they can fear that talking too much about it will make people distance themselves, which can often lead them to isolate themselves. So if you can ask them questions about the process, it will make them feel like you are someone they can count on.

There are many steps to IVF treatment. So asking them about the transfer dates, and all the other steps in IVF, will help you show then you are, but also, remembering those dates and sending them a text, or calling when it is that time, will show how supportive you are, making them feel less alone.

Ask them what their needs are

Another important type of question to make your friends during this period is asking them what their needs are. Although there are some basic known needs of people that are going through IVF, asking what your friend needs will allow them to show you their personal needs.

They can tell you that they just want to live one day in which IVF doesn’t exist, so they can take their mind off it. So you two can spend a day together, and not talk about it. 

Or they can ask you to accompany them to a doctor’s appointment if they are scared of going alone. Allowing them to direct you towards their needs, can be a great form of support.

Let them know you are present

Being present is one of the most effective ways to support someone. Tell them you are there for whatever their needs are. And even though a lot has changed in their lifestyle to increase the chances of the IVF being successful, you should be able to tell them that you are open to being with them in different ways.

For example, your friend may have stopped drinking alcohol to increase her chance of success. So you can tell her that you are open to going with her, instead of a bar, to a restaurant to have some nice healthy food.

Talk about other matters than the IVF 

You can also talk to your friend about other things rather than IVF. But be careful so it doesn’t seem that you are not interested in what has been going on in her life with IFV. But if they seem interested, and need to focus and think on something else, show them other things are going on in life.

You can go to the movies, and talk about what has been going on in your life. Or even just spend a day doing some shopping. 

But to help you understand the impacts IVF may be having on your friends, let’s understand what it is.

What is IVF? 

IVF is a way of conceiving a baby for people that have trouble doing it naturally. It can happen because one of the partners has a fertility issue, because of age. During the process, the woman may receive a high dose of hormones, for which she will take daily shots for some time.

Those shots aim to make the woman produce more eggs, which will be later on collected. Those will be fertilized with the sperm, and then the embryos will be put in the woman’s womb so they can grow and develop. Through the years it has become a more and more frequent way for couples to have children.

The process of IVF can have many emotional impacts on people. Let’s discuss what they are. 

What are the emotional impacts of IVF?

By doing an IVF treatment a person can experience a rush of emotions. The first big one starts as the couple understands that they are having trouble getting pregnant. This can lead to a sense of failure, and frustration that can take a toll on both of them.

Once the IVF process starts, the woman will go through many changes. The hormone shots that are used to stimulate egg production can affect them to a point that they can develop depression and anxiety. 

The fear of the IVF not working, can also have a negative emotional impact on the person. They can become more nervous, and irritable, and the fear of failure can even lead them to isolate themselves from others so they are not asked about IVF.

The matter that IVF is not a sure thing can also impact couples going through it. As they keep trying to get pregnant, and the results don’t come as they expected, the sense of failure and frustration can become even stronger. Because of all that, one should be considerate and careful when talking to someone that is going through an IVF process.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What can I say to my friend that is having IVF? 

How can I keep hope when doing IVF?

Going through IVF can be a difficult time. But there are some ways you can try to keep hopeful during that process. The first thing you can do is to try to be kind to yourself. Try to think of what you would say to your friend that would go through IVF, and say the same thing to yourself.

You should also learn how to deal with your feelings of stress. Know it is important to embrace your feelings, but you should also find a way to direct those emotions somewhere. You can start to meditate, or do things you love, cooking, or reading books.

Try to talk to people you trust. It can be friends, your partner, or if you feel more comfortable, a therapist. There are also many support groups for people that are going through IVF. Talking about your feelings will help you not let them bottle up.

And finally, you should try to keep living your life, even through IVF. There are surely a lot of expectations for when you will be able to get pregnant, but living a fulfilled life will be important until you get pregnant.

How can grandparents-in-the-waiting feel when their sons/daughters are going through IVF?

When you are waiting for your son or daughter to have a baby, and they are going through IVF, it can be a stressful time for you as well. Although it is important for you to not overlap your angst with theirs, or add up to what they are feeling, you should allow your feelings to flow.

Know that it is normal to feel helpless because seeing your kids trying or something they want, and sometimes failing can lead you to want to fix everything, which you can’t. 

Aside from that, you may feel like once you are in your 60s or 70s, you would want to have a grandson already, and not having it, and seeing many of your friends experiencing that moment in their lives, can make you angry.

Aside from that, it is extremely common for grandparent-in-waiting to feel sad. You can feel sad for yourself, for your child that is so frustrated by this process, about infertility, and losses. But keep in mind to embrace your sadness. 

How can grandparents-in-waiting help their children?

The first thing you can do, as a grandparent-in-waiting is to hover. Let them bring you the information as they feel like it. Don’t ask too much, and let them communicate to you as they feel is appropriate. Offer support, and help, but most of all are open to understanding the hint they are giving you.

Don’t ever play the blame game with them. They might already be extremely emotional. And you blame them for infertility, or for something you think they did wrong can be extremely harmful to them, and to your relationship with them.

Instead, always try to have with them open communication, and show how accepting you are of how they feel, and what they want. Be open to talking to them about all of their feelings and options. And finally, remember that you are the parent, and at this moment, they are the ones in need of support.

What is the success rate of IVF?

When a woman is younger than 35 years old, the chance of her having a full-term pregnancy, and the baby will be born with the appropriate weight, is around 21,3%. But keep in mind that every day new technologies are coming up to help women who wish to have children. You should always talk to your doctor about your options.

How long does an IVF cycle last?

Each cycle of IVF will usually go on for around 3 weeks. And each of them will cost around 10 thousand dollars. In the United States, around 1-2% of the babies that are born are from

IVF.

Conclusion 

This article explained what you can say to your friend that is having IVF. Aside from that, the article explained what IVF is, and what are the common emotional impacts of going through IVF.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://www.self.com/story/going-through-ivf/amp
https://www.elanzawellness.com/amp/5-ways-to-support-someone-going-through-ivf

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