What are signs that your boundaries are being violated?
This article will show some clear signs that your boundaries are being violated. It will also show you how you may feel when your boundaries are being violated.
What are signs that your boundaries are being violated?
Some signs will help you know that your boundaries are being violated. Here they are.
Your relationships tend to be confusing
When your boundaries are constantly violated, it can be that you realize that your relationships become confusing. You will never have a clear view of what the person wants out of you or the relationship. Sometimes you may feel like they put you in the role of their therapist, their moving team, and so on.
You may notice that with a single relationship, or it is most likely that this will be a pattern in most of your relationships. It might be a common occurrence to you that you tend to give people, and the relationship, more than the other person does.
You are always different in each relationship
Having your boundaries violated also means that with each relationship your personality changes. It can be little things, or even bigger ones, but when your boundaries are not respected, it can be that, in one relationship you feel the need to say you as your eggs scrambled, and in the other sunny side up.
And this may not only come from the pressure other people may put on you. It is likely related to a deep-seated need you have to please others. This causes you to completely lose your sense of identity with each person that comes close to you.
You are constantly making excuses for other people
When your boundaries are being violated in a relationship, you may also notice that you are always making excuses for the way the person has treated you. It can be, for example, that they screamed at you when they were enraged.
You may go on to say that they were doing that because they were nervous about something. Or even that the screaming wasn’t a sign of them being rude, but mostly that they feel comfortable around you, and can be themselves.
You will gladly take the blame for things
When your boundaries are violated, it can also cause you to take responsibility for everything that happens between you, and the person.
It is understood that sometimes you may have done something wrong and should take responsibility, but when your limits are being violated, you will likely apologize for it all, even if you are not to blame.
For example, if you live with your partner, and they are not helpful with the house chores, but keep telling you that you should do a better job caring for the house. You may apologize, and say that you recognize you need to do better in cleaning the house.
You can feel ashamed
Having your boundaries violated will often cause you to feel ashamed for no apparent reason. That can happen, for example, if at any time you decide to put yourself as a priority.
You have such an idea in mind that caring for yourself, and being the priority is not okay. So whenever that happens, like deciding to take a day for self-care, you can begin to feel ashamed and not understand why.
They start to question if you are making the right decisions
Having your boundaries violated means that your judgments can be questioned. When a person is not taking into consideration the ability to think and decide for themselves, it is a clear sign that their boundaries are being violated.
You may have decided to move to a new house, for example, the person that is violating your boundaries may constantly be asking you if you think that is a smart move, and often giving you suggestions on what you should do, even if you never asked them any of it. This implies that they may think you are unable to deal with the matter.
You feel that what you say is not taken under consideration
When your boundaries are being violated, the person will also have a complete disregard for what you say, instead, their opinions and views are the ones that should prevail, even when the situation doesn’t involve them.
You may have decided, for example, to throw yourself a birthday party. And you are considering doing it in one determined restaurant. A person that violates your boundaries will have complete disregard for your decision and will begin to make arrangements so the party can happen elsewhere.
How does it feel when your boundaries are being violated?
When people violate your boundaries, it can make you feel a lot of things. It can often make you feel resentful towards the person that is violating your boundaries, and even towards yourself because you feel you weren’t able to sustain your boundaries with that person.
It can also make you feel constantly anxious because you can be worried that, at some point, you will have to do something you don’t want to do.
Having your boundaries violated can also make you feel extremely tired, overwhelmed, and drained. You feel that people have just been taking everything from you as they violate your boundaries.
It can also make you feel hurt but you may not know clearly why, and you can feel that you are becoming angry, or more irritable towards other people. And it can make you feel like everyone is out to take advantage of you, which may not always be true.
When your boundaries are constantly violated, you can also feel burned out because of all this load you have been taking in for the benefit of other people, and not yourself.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): What are signs that your boundaries are being violated?
What are examples of having your external boundaries violated?
Having someone violate your boundaries externally often implies that the person is standing too close to you without your permission, or even touching you. Going through your things without your permission is also a clear sign, as well as listening to your conversations.
Not allowing the person to have their privacy, doing things such as smoking, or exposing people to diseases are all forms of external boundaries violation. Trying sexual things without the person’s consent, or doing it without protection without the person being aware of are also ways of violating people’s boundaries.
What are examples of having your internal boundaries violated?
When you have your internal boundaries violated it will often look like people indicating with words or actions that they feel you are worthless. Calling you names, lying, or even keeping secrets from you can all be forms of internal boundaries violation.
Not keeping to their commitments, acting in a patronizing way, or even trying to control the other person are also ways to violate people’s internal boundaries. And finally, giving advice when you are not asked for it, blaming, judging, being sarcastic, or even manipulative are all ways of violating people’s boundaries.
What are the types of boundaries each of us has in life?
People are usually made of seven types of boundaries that will allow them to stand up for their individuality, understanding, and beliefs. There are physical boundaries, sexual boundaries, emotional boundaries, and spiritual boundaries.
There are also financial boundaries, time boundaries, and non-negotiable boundaries which are ones that you are unwilling to talk over, or even compromise with other people.
Why are boundaries important?
Boundaries are important because they are a way for you to define your ideas, and beliefs in life, and work towards maintaining what is considered important to you. Having your boundaries is what will allow you to see yourself as an individual, and determine what is okay for you, and what is not.
It is also what will allow people to know how much they can get close to you or not, and how much you are willing to compromise. Having healthy boundaries that are well understood by others is what will often allow you to have healthy, positive, and trustworthy relationships. So make sure you are never afraid of being assertive about your boundaries.
What is boundary confusion?
Boundary confusion, which is also known as boundary dissolution is a condition that will often lead to a boundary being violated, distorted, or even diffused. It is the inability to emotionally recognize that other people have different boundaries than you have, and step over them.
For example, a known, and usual boundary confusion can happen in a family circle in which the roles of the mother, father, and children are not well determined.
In these cases, it can be that the children will often be seen as people that have the same responsibility for the household as the adults do, causing them to take on much more than they should.
It also causes the parents to act, sometimes, in a more irresponsible way, since they lose the notion that they are people that hold the authority in that household.
To deal with situations such as the example above will often be important for the family group to go to therapy, and work towards developing a healthier dynamic in which the roles are not set in stone, but that people perceive they are doing what fits their role, age, and feels appropriate to each of them.
When are my boundaries too rigid?
Some common signs will show you that your boundaries are too rigid. When that is the case, you may have come to notice that you have cut off a lot of people in your life, and listening to what other people have to say has become difficult for you.
Having trouble listening to that may also mean that, at some point, you created a wall between you and the outside world. Having rigid boundaries also means that you may have stopped caring for people’s problems, and you avoid, as much as you can, getting too close to people.
What are signs of healthy boundaries?
When you have healthy boundaries, you will often have good self-esteem and will be able to share the power in your relationships. It also guarantees you that you can be honest, but also assertive with people.
When you have a healthy boundary you are clear on the notion that your needs, and desires are not the same as other people’s, and you can understand that building trust, and sharing things with others is a gradual thing.
This article showed you some signs that your boundaries are being violated. Aside from that, the article explained how you can feel when your boundaries are violated.
If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.