Waiting for a proposal and I feel depressed (+5 tips)

This article will discuss how waiting for a proposal from your partner can impact how you feel. Along with that, the article will explain what ways you can cope with this moment in your life.

I’m waiting for a proposal and I feel depressed 

Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marr... x
Counseling is Key to a Healthy Marriage

Waiting for a proposal is never easy. You may be in a relationship that you see works, that you are happy, you and your partner are committed to each other, but you hoped by this time that he would have already popped the question.

This may make you start to question how your partner views this relationship, and if he sees this going in the long hall. All of this questioning and wondering may be overwhelming and make you extremely anxious, and some people may even feel depressed.

You may start to question your worth, or if there is something wrong with you. And although it may seem strange, it is completely understandable why you may feel this way. Waiting to be proposed puts you in a passive place, in which you can feel helpless, similar to how depression makes you feel. 

This lack of control in your life can have a huge emotional impact on you. What is known is that depending on your age, the age of your partner, and how organized you have in your life, the timing for a proposal can change. 

Men younger than 32 can take longer to propose. They also usually want to set themselves financially before getting married and assuming the role of the provider. Women usually know within 14 to 19 months if that partner is the one, and from then on they start to wait for a proposal.

With that, you should know that being proposed to is not only related to your partner thinking you are the right fit, it has a lot to do with what they may see themselves when they become a husband.

Having this in mind will allow your self-esteem to not be so affected by this wait. And even prevent you from taking a rushed action. You can think of confronting them, and some sort of conversation about it may be good. But in some cases, coming on too strong may seem like you care more about being a wife than being with him. 

But in a same-sex marriage, this waiting can feel different.  Different in heterosexual relationships, in which the man is usually the one that is supposed to propose, in a same-sex relationship, this role can be done by either party of the relationship. 

This allows people to not feel trapped in social roles, as well as less helpless and passive. They have the chance to discuss this with their partners or pop the question when they feel it is time. 

If you are struggling with waiting for your partner to propose, know that there are some ways you can handle this moment. Let’s discuss what can be done. 

Ways to cope with waiting for a proposal 

If you have been in a relationship for a while and have been waiting for your partner to propose, know that there are some things you can do to not only wait passively for it. 

Work on your patience 

The first thing to do is work on your patience. Keep in mind that people work with different timetables. Your boyfriend may be thinking of things differently than you. He can also be focused on other matters such as his career to consider marriage right now. Try to analyze if that is what is going on, and be patient.

Talk about it with your partner 

If you feel like this is bothering you too much, you may want to bring this topic up with your partner. Try to have an open and honest conversation with them, discuss what are your expectations about this relationship, where you think this is going for you, and listen to what he has to say.

Knowing if you are both going in the same direction is essential. Getting an idea if they want the same thing you want is important so you know you are investing in something real. But try not to impose your timeline. It is a slippery road, sharing your wants but not forcing them to follow your decisions.

Don’t give an ultimatum 

In this honest conversation, be careful to not give an ultimatum. It is completely different to tell your partner what you want from your life, for example, let them know you want to be a parent before you turn 35.  So you should start moving your life in that direction.

But if you turn to them and tell them that if this is not what they want, you will leave, be ready for that situation to come true. They might feel like they are not ready to work in your timetable, and you need to consider what you will do if that is the case.

Distance yourself from what other people think of you 

There is a lot of pressure in marriage and having children. People are getting married older, the same with having kids. But try to not feel rushed by what other people expect of you. Know that you are allowed to prioritize things in your life as you wish, and there will be plenty of time to do everything.

Be careful with your expectations 

Being proposed to is something that some women may dream about for a long time. And as they are in a relationship that they think is going that way, they can start to expect some things from their partners, and this moment.

Know that sometimes the decision of getting married can come in many different ways. It can even come from a regular conversation about the future you are building together. Be careful with your expectations, manage them, so they don’t ruin a perfectly good and tender moment.

Focus on yourself 

While you are waiting for the proposal, try to focus your energy on yourself. Keep active, and do things you love. Don’t let this define who you are. Know that having a relationship is just one aspect of your life. There is so much more to you. Enjoy yourself as much as you can.

Enjoy the benefits of not being married 

Although this point may not seem like it, there are perks to not being married. Your relationship may feel less of the weight of responsibility, but you can have more alone time. Take advantage of that, go out, have fun with your partner, and with your friends. 

Have in mind that marriage is not the key to happiness 

Keeping in mind that a relationship or even marriage is not your only source of happiness can be a great realization. Even though they are fun, and having people to share your life with is exciting, know that there are other realizations, and happiness can come in many ways.

Pop the question yourself

And finally, if you feel like it is time that you and your partner are ready for marriage, you can let go of social constructs and pop the question yourself. You may want to plan how to do it and find a fun way to mark this special moment. You can grab control of the relationship and propose to them.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): Why waiting for a proposal makes me depressed? 

Why is my partner not proposing? 

It may be that your partner is not proposing because he has a fear of commitment, or of losing his freedom as he gets married. He may also feel like he needs to achieve more before getting married. 

This may be related to the provider role men tend to play in relationships. He may not be proposing because you two haven’t talked about it, or he doesn’t believe in the marriage institution, so it doesn’t have to do with his feelings for you.

On the other hand, he may see you have such high expectations for the proposal, or the marriage itself, that they can be overwhelmed by it. Or he is just not ready and you are both at different moments in life, which can be a problem.

How do I say no to a marriage proposal? 

If your partner proposes, and you feel like you want to say no, you may start by asking for some time to think about it. And then ask yourself why you are in this relationship. If there is a feeling, it may be related to not wanting to be alone. 

This can help you understand if all you need is more time, or if you don’t want to get married. Either way, you can communicate this to your partner, and let them know that maybe it is also an answer if you need some more time. If you say no, or ask for more time, be polite and don’t go telling this to other people. 

You should be respectful to your partner.

How long is too long to date? 

It is difficult to set a timetable for a relationship. Each of them works differently. But if you have discussed it over, and you realize marriage is not on his plans, or it is not a wish for him, you should consider your plans, wishes, and needs, to see if it is possible to accommodate.

What are signs my partner is thinking of proposing? 

He might be thinking of proposing when he acts too needy all of the sudden. And starts to share with you his concern about saving money. Going to weddings doesn’t make him nervous, and he is working on getting his life together.

He might not be so interested in doing the bachelor activities and is often open to discussing the future with you. You may find him going through your jewelry box looking for your ring size. And he wants to spend time with the people you love. 

What does a man want in a woman for marriage?

When a man is considering getting married, they will start to look for someone that has the same view of the future as they do. And the person should also be open to joining them in events they may need to attend. This can mean family events or even work events. 

They will also look for someone that they are attracted to, not only physically, but with their minds as well. The man may also want to marry a woman with that they can relate to her friends, and with whom he shares a view on what raising children should be like. 

Having someone that supports their goals and ambitions, and can be true about what they feel is also important. The same way as being someone trustworthy and with who they are in love.

Conclusion 

This article discussed how waiting for a proposal from your partner can lead you to feel depressed, and what are ways you can cope with this situation.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://verilymag.com/.amp/2017/05/waiting-for-him-to-propose
https://www.yourtango.com/201052975/waiting-for-marriage-proposal-advice-you-need

What was missing from this post which could have made it better?

[Sassy_Social_Share type="standard"]