To my wife who is depressed and wants a divorce

In this article, we will understand how depression can lead to ending a marriage and also what to do if my wife is depressed and wants a divorce. 

To my wife who is depressed and wants a divorce

Depression is a very serious mental health disorder, especially when it is chronic and not due to circumstances such as the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. Depression is the leading mental health disorder that affects more than half of the population. 

If your wife is depressed and wants a divorce, it is not something that happens to you alone. 

Marriages in which one of the partners is depressed are nine times more likely to end in divorce. The depression itself doesn’t lead directly to divorce, experts say. Rather, it is the consequences of not addressing depression.

Depending on the extent of the depression, the depressed spouse often tunes out and gives up on life. A depressed person may sleep too much, or too little. Depressed people often stop eating much, or overeat, and may have difficulty concentrating and conversing. The depressed person often feels responsible, but they feel like they can’t do anything about it. Many of them don’t even know why they are depressed. These behavioural changes have a significant impact on a person’s relationship. 

It is quite normal that these behavioural changes in your wife may lead to increase in exhaustion and frustration that may turn to anger or resentment. If your wife stops enjoying activities that you used to do together, that’s another source of irritation. 

You must have fallen in love with your wife because she was fun and you enjoyed each other’s company. But after depression, she may have given the impression that she doesn’t careIt’s hard to feel intimate with someone who looks like they do not care. There is often a loss of interest in sex by the depressed person, which further strains the relationship.

If the depression persists for months, or years, both partners can feel the distance between them widening. This can lead to your wife who is depressed and wanting a divorce. 

Things to if your wife is depressed and wanting a divorce. 

Depression does take a toll on the individual, as well as on their marriage and other relationships. But it is the lack of awareness about how to deal with a depressed spouse that leads to divorce. If the world knew about depression and how to deal with people who suffer from depression, they would do things right.

Therefore here is a list of things to do if your wife is depressed and wanting a divorce. The list helps us understand how to deal with a depressed spouse. 

  • Know the signs: the first and the foremost thing to do is to understand what depression is like. A few key signs of depression are:
  • Daily sadness
  • Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
  • Restless, anxious or irritable behaviour
  • Trouble concentrating, focusing or remembering
  • Excessive weariness and lethargy
  • Sleeping or eating too much or too little
  • Unexplained aches and pains
  • Thoughts of suicide or death
  • Find support: As soon as you have come to the realization that your wife is depressed, it is for you to comprehend that you are not an expert. Even though you need to be by her side to support her, you cannot treat her. Find a counsellor for her. Support her to go to therapies and take her medication regularly. If you see your marriage is also taking a toll, find a marriage counsellor too. Look out for support groups for depressed wives. Give her the strength to go ahead with it. 
  • Encourage communication: A significant side effect of a depressed spouse is lack of communication as the other person withdraws from communication. As a husband, it becomes your duty to initiate it. Create a safe, judgment-free environment for your spouse to connect with you in. listening to her feelings and understanding them will act as magic when it comes to saving your marriage. Let her know that you are there for her.  Also, encourage your partner to communicate and socialize with friends. Human connection can do wonders for depressed individuals.
  • Redefine romance: Depression can take a toll on your sex life, so it may seem especially cruel that the medications designed to treat it often have sexual side effects. Recognizing it’s not your partner’s fault—and it’s not personal—can go a long way toward helping the relationship over the hurdle. give your wife the space she desires. But make sure space does not create a distance between the two of you. 

Romance does not only have to be physical affection. It can also be shown in words and other actions. If your wife is depressed, make sure you help her with her daily activities. Take up her responsibilities. Free her from the burden of daily stress. Clear the piles of laundry or dirty dishes and establish a routine of cooking meals and planning free time. 

  • Be a partner, not a parent: Managing depression is rarely as simple as taking a pain reliever for a headache. You will need to be as patient and supportive as possible during the treatment process, and it might not always be easy. Don’t boss around the house thinking you are the only sane one. Be gentle with your partner. You’re not just a housewife. Try to get things back to normal slowly. 
  • Respect your own needs: If your spouse has depression, you still deserve everyday niceties—a neat house, regular meals, a calm family environment—as well as friendships, a social life, and time to pursue meaningful interests. .Find a hobby you love. As much as possible, pursue these things. Don’t sacrifice your own joys and goals needlessly. As it is noted, you are susceptible to depression too. Pursuing your personal pleasures will not only help prevent that but also better prepare you for aiding your spouse.
  • Don’t give up: While depression can certainly strain a marriage, it doesn’t have to destroy it. In fact, so long as the partner struggling with mental illness gets the right help, experts say that you may ultimately end up forging a deeper connection. If you can shift your thinking and realize that the illness is the enemy of your marriage, then you can develop more of a team approach and collectively decide how to jointly tackle the challenge. That will make you feel more connected and make it easier to withstand difficulties together.

Many people wonder if this situation with their partners was before the wedding, since Pre Wedding Depression sometimes occurs.

In addition to these tips, you should also follow certain do’s and don’ts while dealing with a wife who is depressed and wants a divorce. 


  • Pray fervently with and for them.
  • Share meaningful Scripture verses.
  • Help them see that the family needs them to get well.
  • Listen; give credibility to their feelings.
  • Seek help for yourself and offer to see a therapist with them.
  • Encourage them to consider medication; research shows that 80% of those suffering from depressive disorders can be treated successfully with modern medications.
  • Show affection; encourage them to get out and do things with you.


  • Tell your loved one to just pray about it or make them feel like healing would come if they’d simply trust God more.
  • Make them feel guilty for the impact of their illness on the family.
  • Blame or criticize them.
  • Imply that they need help because they’re weak. Also, don’t immediately exclude other family members from counselling. Sometimes, complex relational issues involving several family members can spark depression.
  • Expect medication to solve everything. Also, don’t discount the need for prayer — and possibly therapy.
  • Let them continue in a pattern of sleep and isolation.

Depression in women 

Men and women display signs of depression differently, and it’s crucial that you learn how to recognize these signs in your spouse so you can encourage them to get them the help they need. 

It is also known that women are nearly twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression as men. There are some biological reasons for this, including changing hormone levels before and after pregnancy as well as before and after menopause. There are also cultural aspects that contribute to depression in women, like dealing with added stress from workplace bias, harassment, or pay discrimination. There are many societal pressures placed on women to not only develop high-powered careers but also to do the majority of domestic tasks all while appearing happy, beautiful and young. That’s a lot of weight for one person to carry around.

When helping a depressed spouse, it’s important to learn how to recognize the signs. A depressed wife may cry more frequently, have a lack of interest in seeing her friends, sleep excessively, or routinely overeat. She may also show a lack of interest in intimate conversations that help you stay connected or become irritable when you ask her what’s wrong.

Having in consideration all the above-mentioned points, one can certainly save their marriage from depression. 

BetterHelp: A Better Alternative

Those who are seeking therapy online may also be interested in BetterHelp. BetterHelp offers plenty of formats of therapy, ranging from live chats, live audio sessions and live video sessions. In addition, unlimited messaging through texting, audio messages and even video messages are available here.

BetterHelp also offers couples therapy and therapy for teenagers in its platform. Furthermore, group sessions can also be found in this platform, covering more than twenty different topics related to mental health and mental illness. The pricing of BetterHelp is also pretty cost-effective, especially considering the fact that the platform offers financial aid to most users.


In this article, we have tried to understand how depression can lead to ending a  marriage and also what to do if my wife is depressed and wants a divorce. 

FAQs: To my wife who is depressed and wants a divorce 

What Are the Main Causes of Depression?

Experts have come to understand that depression does not have one cause. But it can be caused by the combination of biological, social and psychological factors. The main causes of depression are seen to  Abuse of any kind, conflict, death or a loss of a loved one, genetics, major life-changing events such as change of city, divorce etc, and Seriochronic illness. 

What are the stages of a divorce? 

Divorces usually lead to a great amount of grief. Humans process grief in different stages. Some move quickly among the levels while others do not. They are often referred to as the 5 stages of grief given by Kubler ross. They include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (DABDA). 

What are the rates of divorce due to depression? 

An early study based on couple data from a small, clinical sample reported that couples in which one partner was depressed did not have higher divorce rates than the general population, whereas couples in which both partners were depressed had a divorce rate 8 times higher, suggesting a couple-level effect in which the two partners did not have sufficient capacity to support and help each other 

How does divorce affect mental health?

For some, the common feelings of anger, resentment, confusion, fear, shame, and anxiety during and after divorce take up permanent residency in your emotional makeup and wreak havoc on both your mental and physical health. This can be the case even if you were the one who chose to leave the marriage. 


Helping a depressed spouse

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