In this blog post, we are talking about the reasons why some people have a hard time entering a relationship.
We also give great tips on how to attract your ideal partner.
Tired of being single, why can’t I have a relationship?
We learn that a relationship is like a temple or sacred building. It happens that often the materials used for our temple are not of the highest quality, which makes them unusable in the best combinations.
Then it happens that our building collapses under the weight of all kinds of prejudices.
In this amalgam of redefinitions of emotions, models, patterns, interior and exterior structures, it is as if we always have the temple under renovation.
When asking yourself, “Why can’t I have a relationship?” It’s like asking yourself, “Why can’t I always stay in a house under renovation?”
The answer is simple. Because this house is not ready to receive you yet. You could still move into it, living beautifully and quietly, waiting until your house is ready.
But since the materials used can’t be combined very well, how long will you be able to live in the house before everything starts to break apart?
It happens so often in our relationships.
Everything starts to feel wrong, we have conversations that bring us a lot of pain, and we repeat this pattern until we finally learn the lessons we need to learn.
You might be desperate to have a girlfriend because you’re too fed up of being single.
There are many barriers and reasons for the so-called “failure” of our relationships.
Childhood traumas, dysfunctional patterns that are seen in the relationship with our parents, childhood abuse, all of which later become reasons that will prevent you from getting involved in a relationship out of fear of becoming vulnerable and being hurt.
Your limiting beliefs about relationships influence you more than you’d like.
This is how the fear of losing your autonomy, independence appears … What if I lose myself in my partner; if I will no longer be me; if I lose my strength?!
Furthermore, your ancestors also come with beliefs and family rules to complete the picture sketched in your mind about relationships, which will tell you: Relationships are not good. Men are unfaithful, marriages are a nuisance. Women are unfaithful. Better alone … Well, what else do I have to say ?! This is how your building collapses!
Most of the time we obey the rules of the society in which we live, the social pressure “to be in line with the world”, the desires of our family, friends, everyone, except our own.
Stop listening to the desires of others and ask yourself: Me, what kind of relationship do I want?
Then you will know in your heart that you may not be in a relationship now because you are preparing for it.
That you will not be satisfied with less than the highest desire of your soul … that connection that will show you naked, disarmed, completely abandoning yourself to your own Soul.
Then you will know that you will have a lot of work to do to heal in order to manifest your true spirit.
You will need courage, patience, action, perseverance and balance.
You will know that you will first have to heal your soul, keep your ego in check and put it in the service of the soul.
Only you know that your soul longs for that deep connection that will fill your body and soul, heart and all layers of your being.
We invented the lie, a kind of collective social conspiracy, as a way to face all our disappointments, as a kind of perverse relief in the belief that our fundamental lack of courage is a form of psychological health.
Forget about your old beliefs! Forget all the lies that others have told you! Forget them all!
Then you will begin to remember that there is somewhere, a realm of romantic love that makes the ordinary world we live in not seem so ordinary.
Let yourself dream again, anything is possible.
How to attract your ideal partner?
A romantic relationship is a significant relationship in the life of each person and its quality is reflected in one’s general satisfaction, in the joy with which we live our daily lives, in the level of our happiness, in our inner, mental and physical energy.
A relationship is like a project; one of life even, and it deserves all our attention and efforts.
The first step in building an authentic, functional relationship is to build the model of the ideal lover, in the form of a profile. Make a list that will describe your partner on all levels of life.
You will have to give both yourself and to your ideal partner a score from 1 to 10.
You will find an example and more details below.
- Affection: What does affection mean to me? How do I express myself and how do I feel my affection? How affectionate am I and what do I need from my partner?
- Career: How important is my career, on a scale of 1-10? Do I want to grow my career? How much focus do I have on my career? … well, my partner should be about the same, with a maximum of 2 units difference.
- Socialization: What socialization needs do I have? What does socializing mean to me? Beliefs about the social plan? Social openness? …. And how exactly should my partner be in order for me to feel comfortable in the relationship with him?
- Sexuality: What beliefs and sexual needs do I have? What does satisfying sex mean to me? ..and how should my partner be?
- Money: What is my current financial level? The desired financial level? What beliefs do I have about money? about money income? about spending money? about saving? on what is important to direct the money? and so on and based on all this, what should my ideal lover of money be like in this regard?
- Children: do I want children or do I not want them? How many? What do I think about children? About raising them? etc …. and how should my ideal boyfriend be on this level?
- Household/home activities: what is important to me: do I like to cook? Shopping? cleaning? To decorate the house? and how should my ideal boyfriend be?
- Independence: if I am independent as a person, I always decide for myself what to do, well, my boyfriend should be the same!
- Communication: How communicative should he be? Curious? What about authenticity- assertiveness?
It is also important to be aware of one aspect when we want to enter into the ideal relationship, namely that we need an emotionally available partner.
Many people confuse the willingness to enter into a serious, stable, future relationship with the satisfaction of certain needs; it is important when you are at that point in life that you want a stable relationship, which may lead to marriage, eventually, to look for a partner who is at the same wavelength as you are and who wants what you want in a relationship.
Such a partner is one who acknowledges the relationship, who comes with a bag full of gifts, being prepared for the commitment.
Metaphorically speaking, he has in his bag: availability, attention, time, affection, intimacy, communication, sincerity, openness, interest to you and your life story, solidarity and much more.
All you need to do is build your ideal partner model and allow yourself to flow, to be, and you will definitely take advantage of every opportunity to find him/her.
Things to remember
There is nothing wrong with you if you are tired of being single, but you have to understand that this is not a bad thing.
In fact, being single is a great opportunity to get to know yourself better, what you like, what you want from a partner.
Take this time for improving yourself and for setting clear boundaries.
Hopefully, the exercise above will help you to make a great list of qualities that you are looking for in a partner.
Also, do not forget to take this time to fight your limiting beliefs and to start a healing process.
Only when you’ll be ready, you will be able to move into your “new house”, and fully enjoy the peace and the love that you will be surrounded with.
If you wish to leave a comment or ask a question, please do not hesitate to do so.
Side Note: I have tried and tested various products and services to help with my anxiety and depression. See my top recommendations here, as well as a full list of all products and services our team has tested for various mental health conditions and general wellness.
FAQ about tired of being single
What to do when you are tired of being single?
When you are tired of being single, you have to start a healing process.
Focus on self-care and self-love. Learn how to set boundaries, learn more about yourself, and have fun – love will find you.
Is it OK to be single forever?
It is OK to be single forever if this is what you really are looking for.
If right now you are feeling tired, hurt and disappointed in humanity, it may feel like you are going to be single forever, however, no one can guarantee that.
Work on improving your relationship with yourself.
How do you live with being single?
Being single doesn’t mean that you are going to stop living, on the contrary, it may be the best thing that you need right now.
Being single is a great opportunity to get to know yourself better, what you like, what you want from a partner.
Why am I afraid of being single?
You are afraid of being single because society told you that being single is wrong, sad and lonely.
However, this is not entirely true.
Being single is a great lesson that teaches us the importance of self-care and self-love.
If you work on your relationship with yourself, you are nothing to be afraid of anymore.
Is being single lonely?
Being single and feeling lonely sometimes, but that is a normal feeling.
Being single can also mean a lot of fun, as you have more free time for yourself, to do the things that you love, to take care of yourself.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.
- The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman
- How to find the partner you truly are looking for, by Dushanka Klisic
- Law of Attraction for Love: Guided Meditation to Manifest and Attract Your Soul Mate, Have Better Relationships and Find Happiness with a Partner Using Daily Positive Thinking Affirmations, by Joel Thompson