5 Things therapists hate

In this blog we will discuss some of the things therapists tend to hate or dislike.

We will also discuss whether therapists truly hate someone for their clients, what they do or can do to remain ethical, and whether you should consider seeing a new therapist if you are getting negativity from them. 

What are some things therapists hate?

Things that therapists hate can be an individual issue because each therapist is unique and they are bound to have certain issues that they hate or dislike. 

Some of those possible things could include:

Chronically late clients

Not just therapists but for anyone who’s work is highly time structured can eventually start to dislike people who are late for appointments all the time. 

A therapist might find it distressing if their clients is always late because they want their clients to be able to use the full hour for their own benefit and if a client is late, it cuts time short with their clients and in some cases it might mess up their entire schedule as well. 

Deflection

At times a therapist might grow to dislike or find some of their clients who deflect questions irritating. 

Particularly when the time spent is not fruitful rather when it is spent on surface level conversations because the main purpose of therapy is to connect, uncover, and help their clients deal with issues and challenges and when the client deflects any efforts to do this can become increasingly frustrating. 

Disrespecting boundaries

It is often the case that a therapist might grow to dislike a client who often cross boundaries to the point of harassment such as making sexual advances or demanding that they meet outside of sessions etc. 

This could also include clients demanding that they be given time during the therapist off hours or vacation time, or trying to engage with them on social media etc. 

Fraud

It is very likely that a therapist might not dislike a client who attempts to rope them into something that involves fraud such as working with them to get a diagnosis to avoid certain legal issues like getting an “insanity” plea etc. 

Do therapists hate their clients?

Yes, therapists do hate some of their clients- or at least dislike them because they are human beings with very human emotions and feelings. 

While most therapists will never admit to this fact, there will be plenty who at one point have come across a client whom they have disliked due to various reasons. 

At the end of the day, one has to understand that therapists are human beings too and with that comes very human experiences in their own lifetime. 

At times, a therapist might grow to dislike certain behaviours of a client or it could be the general disposition of the individual or their attitudes and beliefs might totally go against the therapist’s own beliefs and ideas. 

There can be plenty of reasons as to why a therapist might dislike their client to the point that they might even grow to hate their client. 

Some of the possible reasons why can include:

Therapist factors 

This can include issues like countertransference that occurs when the therapist begins to develop certain feelings as a result of projection. 

The therapist might find that the client resembles their abusive parent or a negative friend who has caused harm and disruption in their lives which causes them to develop a certain disdain for the client who is not connected to the situation at all. 

Another therapist related factor could be because the therapist is having a hard time accepting the client for who they are due to strongly held beliefs that the therapist has. 

Therapists might have dislike for a client because they dread the sessions because they are unable to connect with the client or understand what the crux of the problem is because the client is avoiding connection and intimacy. 

Client factors

Another reason as to why a therapist might dislike a client is because of the client’s factors such as their behavious, their ideas, their beliefs, etc. 

It is possible that the client might engage in negative behaviors that prevent them from being considered as “redeemable”. A therapist might have a hard time likling them or being empathetic even in this case. 

What can a therapist do to remain ethical in sessions with a client they dislike?

If a therapist is experiencing negative feelings towards their client, they should strive to work through these feelings and protect the client from being negatively impacted. 

Some of the things that a therapist can do includes:

Seeking Their Own Therapy

Therapist’s have an ethical duty to protect their clients and this also includes protecting the client from their own misgivings. 

If the therapist is feeling negatively towards their client it has to do with their own triggers and work through these triggers in sessions of their own with a therapist or a supervisor. 

This means that they must learn how to respond appropriately and also deal with their uncomfortable feelings while remaining authentic with themselves and their clients. 

Explore what is causing disconnect

It is important that the therapist takes the time and effort to explore what is making it so hard for them to look at their client with unconditional positive regard as well as why they are having a hard time connecting with a client.

Taking the time to understand what is causing counter-transference or  whether they are projecting issues onto the client etc is crucial and an important issue that they must explore and resolve to deal with. 

Be transparent

If a therapist is having issues with their client, another thing they can do is to be transparent and honest about their feelings to the client without hurting or blaming them. 

This involves honesty and kindness as one expresses how hard it is for the therapist to connect with them as well as to explore how it impacts the client’s own experience in therapy. This can be helpful in developing a deeper relationship. 

It can also need more insight into how the client has developed certain behaviours that are causing disconnect.

Referrals

An ethical therapist will do everything in their power to make sure that the client is not negatively impacted as well as that they are getting the help that is needed- this includes letting go of their clients by referring them to someone else who can help the client. 

It is important that the therapist take the time to explain why the client is being referred so as not to hurt the client or blame. It is better for the therapist to refer the client up to a therapist who can help them rather than holding on to them. 

Should You see another therapist if your therapist hates you?

If you find that your therapist has allowed their dislike towards you to cause you any harm, it is important that you consider seeing someone else. 

An ethical therapist, even if they have some kind of dislike towards you, will work on their own feelings and opinions in therapy. They will protect you from their own feelings and will never let it cloud their work in their sessions with you

In such a case, you can let them know that you would like to terminate the sessions with them and be direct in your feedback while doing so. 

You have every right to change therapists if you find that the way this therapist works is not the kind of support you need or require. 

For every therapist, there is a certain ethical guideline that one has to follow. Therapists that are unethical pose the threat of harming a client. 

So once you have had the conversation, pay attention to how they are accommodating of your needs while you also respect their boundaries as your therapist. 

Pay attention to how they are dealing with your crisis needs and your anxieties, make sure that you feel safe and that you trust your gut. 

If you start noticing that your therapist is being mean, hurtful, vengeful, manipulative, judgemental, and over all negative, that is a dangerous sign. 

It is important that you make sure that your therapist is being ethical and some of the ways you can discern that for yourself includes:

An unethical therapist is that they judge you or shame you for what you might have said or decisions you have made etc. 

An unempathetic therapist is an unethical one, so if you feel like your therapist is judging you, you should consider moving on from this therapist. 

If your therapist has some dislike towards you, they have to work on themself to develop empathy and understanding for you as their client. 

If you find that your therapist has not been mindful nor have they helped you feel safe, heard, and supported and the non responses continue- it is possible that your therapist is breaching ethicality and it is best for you to move on to someone else. 

Conclusion

In this blog we have discussed some of the things therapists tend to hate or dislike.

We have also discussed whether therapists truly hate someone for their clients, what they do or can do to remain ethical, and whether you should consider seeing a new therapist if you are getting negativity from them. 

FAQ related to Things therapists hate

Do therapists become attracted to their clients?

According to an article by the LA times, 87% reported having been sexually attracted to their clients. Attracting towards clients is a common issue that many therapists face considering the fact that therapists are also human and at the same time the intimate situation that the therapist and clients find themselves in. 

What therapists look for in body language?

Therapists and psychologists look for any signs of discomfort or any give aways from your posture, hands, eye contact, facial expressions, and the position of your arms and legs. 

Do therapists think about me between sessions?

Yes, it is likely that your therapists think of you outside of your sessions because they are human beings too who are concerned for your wellbing. 

However, a healthy and ehtical therapist will not let these thoughts consume them and often their thoughts are related to what can help you become healthier as well as what can help your treatment become a sucess. 

References

Therapists Spill: When I Dislike a Client. Psychcentral. https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapists-spill-when-i-dislike-a-client#1