The pain of infidelity never ends? (+How to cope)

This article will discuss if the pain that comes from infidelity never ends. It will show the effects infidelity can have on you, and what are ways to cope with the pain.

The pain of infidelity never ends? 

The pain from infidelity may end at some point, but it is not an easy thing. Research has shown that it can take from 8 months, up to two years to not feel the pain of your partner cheating on you.

That is because being cheated on can put you through so many emotions, that dealing with and healing from all of them can take a long time. And that is just assuming that you are maintaining your relationship even after the infidelity. 

When you are not sure of that, it can be that the pain of infidelity lasts even more, as you decide what to do. But to help you understand a little more about what happens to you, let’s discuss why infidelity can hurt you so much.

Why does infidelity hurt so much? 

Infidelity hurts so much because of its implications of it. It won’t only tell you your partner cheated on you, it can also make you begin to question yourself, your self-worth, and even your self-esteem. 

When you are cheated on you may start to wonder if you did anything that led them to cheat, if you weren’t enough, or even if you were right to be in a relationship with this person. In this sense, infidelity can bring guilt or even anger. You can swing from one type of feeling to another completely different. 

Sometimes you may feel like you love your partner, and for others, you can be so angry that you feel you hate them. Aside from all of that, infidelity can make you fear how other people perceive you. You can begin to worry if others know about what has happened, and this can make you feel embarrassed and ashamed.

When your partner is unfaithful, all the promises and commitments that were made to make this relationship work are put in check. You can begin to distrust every word, and promise they ever made. Deciding to rebuild that trust or not, in itself, is already a big step, and it can not happen all at once.

Being unfaithful can be such a deep injury to the relationship the two of you have built over the years that dealing, and healing from it won’t happen from one moment to the next. 

So if you feel you have been struggling to deal with the pain brought on by infidelity, know that you are not the only one. But you should also know that there are ways to help you cope with it. That’s what we will discuss next.

What are ways to cope with the pain caused by infidelity? 

If you have dealt with infidelity in your relationship, and are now trying to cope with the pain caused by it, here are some things you can do.

Give yourself time 

As you have been dealing with infidelity, the first thing you need to do is give yourself time. This means that you should just try to solve things as fast as possible, being cheated on can be extremely confusing, so give yourself some time to recognize how this has been impacting you.

It may also be that your partner or even people around the two of you are pressuring you into deciding what you will do next, will you stay with them, or not. But know that it is your time to discover how you feel.

Writing out your feelings, and talking to people, even a therapist, can help you get a better understanding of the emotions that came with being cheated on. Through that, you may begin to slowly have a clear notion of what you want to do.

Validate how you feel

Dealing with infidelity is an extremely personal situation, no two people will deal with it the same way. As you share with friends, or even family members what you have been through, they may begin to share their own stories.

Likely, people around you have also experienced being cheated on, so they may have suggestions, and opinions on what you should do. They can sometimes come to the point of telling you that it is not all that bad. 

If that happens, you must keep in mind that no one can tell you what to feel. Validate your feelings, and how this infidelity has affected you. Only through that, you will be able to understand what you should do next.

Focus on your self-care 

Dealing with infidelity can be extremely detrimental to your self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. As you are going through it, try to not let those feelings creep in, and to do that, you may want to focus on your self-care.

Caring for what you are eating, sleeping well, exercising, and feeling like there is more to your life than this relationship won’t necessarily make the pain go away, but it will give you a sense that the infidelity doesn’t define who you are, although it may be taking a central role in your life at this moment.

Understand what happened

When you are cheated on, so many questions can come to your mind. You must try to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about that. 

It is not only something that will give the two of you the chance to work on the relationship, but it may also help you realize that sometimes people cheat because of themselves, not because of something you were lacking, which can help you cope with the guilt.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ): The pain of infidelity never ends? 

Should I end a relationship because of infidelity? 

It is difficult to say that someone should, or shouldn’t end a relationship because of infidelity. When infidelity happens in your relationship, you may need to discuss this matter over and over again with your partner. Understanding what happened, and why they acted the way they did.

This may help you get an idea of what has happened, your role in it if there was any, and for both of you to discuss what needs to change in your relationship. And that is not all, you may need to ask yourself if you can see your relationship beyond this infidelity. 

When all of that is possible, it may not be necessary for you to end your relationship. Instead, working on it can make it grow, and the two of you can become even closer. But if you feel the infidelity happened in a way that it is impossible to move past it, it may be a clear sign that you should end this relationship.

Can a couple fully recover from infidelity? 

Yes, couples can fully recover from infidelity in the relationship. As a matter of fact, in some cases, it is possible that dealing with infidelity can make the couple work on their problems in such a committed way that they can become even closer after what happened.

The key factor for this to happen is that the two of you are open and willing to work on the relationship, and understand infidelity as a momentary issue that won’t define what the two of you lived through, and especially what the two of you can still live through together.

Can an affair be true love? 

Sometimes an affair can turn into true love, but usually, that is not what happens. Affairs are often built on one specific thing that the person is looking for, it can be affirmation, validation, or feeling desired, but sometimes, after this is achieved, the affair loses its meaning, and it can come to an end.

Affairs will most likely not turn into true love because they are usually based on small periods in which the people are together. In an affair, people won’t have to deal with the everyday life of a relationship, and the struggles that can come from it, and it is through that a relationship, and true love is often built.

Can you get PTSD because of infidelity? 

Yes, infidelity can cause you to develop PTSD. Post-traumatic stress conditions are often caused by the person experiencing a traumatic experience of any sort. 

Although most people relate this condition to a reaction to being in a war, it is not always the case, and people that go through more intimate traumas can also develop PTSD.

When infidelity leads to PTSD, the person may find it difficult to trust others again, and whenever faced with a possibility of a relationship, or even an issue in the relationship they are in, it can trigger a negative response in them, such as a panic attack which shows the PTSD they have developed.

To treat it, as with any other form of PTSD, the person may need to go to therapy, to talk about their emotions, and feelings around the fact they were cheated on. And in some cases, when the PTSD is more severe, they may even need to go to a psychiatrist and take medication to help ease the symptoms of the condition.

Will cheaters cheat again?

Although there is no rule for whether the cheater will cheat again, research has shown that once a person cheats, 45% of them will most likely cheat on their partner again. It is known that people will likely cheat again in a relationship because they feel like they are not fully committed to the relationship.

They may also do it as they feel they are not as satisfied with the relationship as they have been before, and because it is okay for them, morally, to set sexual relationships with people they are not married with.

The attachment style the person has, be it avoidant, or insecure can often lead them to cheat on their partners, and being with someone that has a different sexual needs than you do can often lead you to cheat. It is also known that men will likely cheat their partners again more than women would.

Conclusion 

This article explained why it is so difficult for the pain of infidelity to go away. It highlighted why infidelity hurts so much, and what are the best ways to cope with the pain that comes from it.

If you have any questions or comments about this article, feel free to write them in the section below.

References

https://psychcentral.com/blog/getting-over-the-hurt-of-an-affair#5