7 Stages of breakup for the dumper

In this blog we present to you the various stages of break up for a dumper. 

7 Stages of breakup for the dumper

According to Michele Kelsey, a contributor for HerNorm, there are 7 distinct stages of break up for the dumper- the person who initiates the break up.

These seven stages do not necessarily occur after the break up, however according to Kelsey, it starts with feelings of dissatisfaction a few weeks prior to the actual break up.

Let us take a look at the various stages of the break up the dumper goes through:

Dissatisfaction

Months or weeks prior to the break up, the dumper goes through a stage of dissatisfaction within the relationship where they feel like their needs are not being met and their partner is not exactly what they expected the person to be. 

At this stage, the dumper might try to make things work and even communicate their dissatisfaction to their partner. In positive cases, the couple will have open communication and work through their problems together. 

However, if the partner does not acknowledge their concerns and there is lack of authenticity within the relationships, it is likely that the dumper will continue to feel dissatisfied in the relationship.

In some cases there may not be one big catalyst whereas in some there might be a big fall out, however the dissatisfaction that is felt tends to grow over time. 

As the dissatisfaction sets in, the dumper might stop trying to fix the problem by communicating and expressing themselves. Instead they will simply stop trying to make the relationship work and remain silent about what they are going through.

Anxiety

As the dumper becomes more clear about their plans to break up, they might experience some anxiety related to it. 

They may even feel some numbness as to what they are feeling while also over analysing and second guessing their plan of action. 

At this stage, the dumper is often nervous, upset, or strange- they behave in ways they don’t normally do- for example, an attentive partner might suddenly start avoiding you or start being less empathetic. 

At this stage, the dumper may feel concerned as they try to come up with the best way to end the relationship and they might work themselves into a frenzy, even becoming depressed just thinking about the break up and the loss they will feel. 

They might also struggle with guilt of having to do this and try their best to soften the blow or they might choose to be rigid, cold even, as they try to get into the phase of the actual break up.

It is soon after this stage that the break up happens, and it is usually a result of the time they have spent thinking over this situation and in such a case, the break up is often final. 

Relief

It is at this stage, that the dumper might make moves that they have been holding back for a After the break up, the dumper feels a sense of relief- that everything is over. Your ex might probably even feel lighter and happier that the relationship has ended. 

The dumper might feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off their shoulders and they might be glad that they don’t have to carry around the weight of their distress while being in this relationship any more. 

Sympathy

Next, after the break up they will also be weighed by guilt especially if they know that you will probably have a hard time about the breakup or if they are aware that you are struggling with the break up. 

They might feel guilty and sad about how this choice is affecting you even though they are aware that this is the best choice for them. 

The love that you once shared does not completely disappear just because you break up and this means that it is probable that they might even be wondering how things would have turned out if the relationship continued. 

They might be able to sympathise with you especially when you are overly zealous in expressing your hurt and it is possible that your ex might even entertain you late night calls because they sympathise with your hurt.

However, just because they sympathise does not mean they have any intention of getting back together- especially when the relationship has been deteriorating for a long time according to them.

Doubt

Depending on how you react and how they are adjusting to their new singlehood, there will be moments when the dumper will regret their decision or doubt their choice to break up. 

This often happens when they are having a hard time adjusting to a new life without you or when they face a lot of backlash as a result of the break up. For example, their friends might be an avid supporter of you or they are having a hard time in a new city and have been having a hard time making friends etc. 

During this time, they might doubt their choice to break up however, this is often fleeting. As they get acquainted with the changes it is likely that they will affirm their decision and move forward. 

Nostalgia

After some time, maybe a month or two, after the initial shock of the break up has settled down and the changes they have made have become more evenly paced out, it is possible that the entire experience will hit them now. 

It is at this time, they will recall the times shared between the two of you- however you have to understand that there is no set time when someone will feel this way.

Your ex might take months to years before they feel a sense of nostalgia and start to miss you and this time line depends on how hurt they were during the relationship. 

For example, if the dissatisfaction was enormous to the point that they were hurt deeply by the relationship, it is possible that it might take them years to feel any sense of positive nostalgia for you or the memories that were shared.

You have to understand that even if they have some sense of nostalgia it does not mean that they still love you, it is simply the common human experience of looking back and cherishing old memories.

Acceptance

The first kind of acceptance that they might feel post a break up often comes in the form of surrender and the acceptance of one’s defeat.

Here, this acceptance means that they stop engaging in the push and pull of nostalgia. They might stop going through old mail, delete photographs, start a new social media page etc. 

In this stage they will come to terms with their final decision and begin to actively make changes in their life that was once tied to you. 

At this point they might recognize that they are not meant to be with you as a partner and so, they let go of you as their partner as well as the dreams and hopes they had for the future they envisioned with you. 

Over time and with effort, their initial form of acceptance begins to develop into something more of a conscious choice as they realise that holding onto you as a romantic partner is not good for them. 

So this form of acceptance is the starting point of them moving forward and taking steps to carry on with their life, on their own terms, and for themselves- here they might start seeing other people and joining new social circles and start a new life for themselves..

Conclusion

In this blog we presented to you the various stages of break up for a dumper. According to Michele Kelsey, a contributor for HerNorm, there are 7 distinct stages of break up for the dumper- the person who initiates the break up.

Each individual who initiated the breakup goes through each stage at different rates depending on how they were affected by the relationship and the break up.

FAQ related to Stages of break up for dumper

How long does it take for a dumper to regret?

The answer is different for everyone- the experiences of the dumper after a break up depends on how dissatisfied they were in the relationship and the reaction of the partner. 

In most cases, the individual might feel regret after a few months,especially when they’re having a hard time moving forward. 

Does a dumper feel guilty after a breakup?

Depending on how you react and how they are adjusting to their new singlehood, there will be moments when the dumper will regret their decision or doubt their choice to break up. 

Next, after the break up they will also be weighed by guilt especially if they know that you will probably have a hard time about the breakup or if they are aware that you are struggling with the break up. 

They might feel guilty and sad about how this choice is affecting you even though they are aware that this is the best choice for them. 

How does the dumper feel after a break up?

After the break up, the dumper feels a sense of relief- that everything is over. Your ex might probably even feel lighter and happier that the relationship has ended. 

The dumper might feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off their shoulders and they might be glad that they don’t have to carry around the weight of their distress while being in this relationship any more. 

Does the no contact rule work for the dumper?

Yes, the no contact rule does apply for the dumper and does work for the dumper as well since it gives both parties the space to process the situation without the interference of emotions and reactions for the other party. 

This allows the dumper to take time to process their own feelings and move forward with their own life that they wanted after breaking up.

References

Kelsey. M. 9 Stages Of A Breakup For The Dumper (The Surprising Truth). Her norm. Retrieved on 3rd April 2022. https://hernorm.com/stages-of-a-breakup-for-the-dumper/

Fascinating Truth About the Breakup Stages of the Dumper — Flirtivate. Good Men Project. Retrieved on 3rd April 2022. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/fascinating-truth-about-the-breakup-stages-of-the-dumper-flirtivate/