Signs of self-pity (11 telltale signs of self-pity)

In this guide, we will look at 11 signs of self-pity, what is self-pity, is there a difference between self-pity and depression, and how to deal with self pity. 

What are the signs of self-pity? 

Here are 11 signs of self-pity: 

  • You crave sympathy 
  • You go down the rabbit hole with every validation
  • You take everything seriously 
  • You have low self-esteem 
  • You are a past-oriented person 
  • You have a distorted reality 
  • You are depressed 
  • You do not have fun in life 
  • You are a living dead 
  • You feel you have no potential 
  • You are unattractive to others 

Here are a few telltale signs of self-pity. 

You crave sympathy 

A very obvious sign of self-pity is that you look for emotional bonds that are based on the momentary pleasure of being supported, cared for, and emotionally pampered. This can be too dangerous for you. 

You go down the rabbit hole with every validation

Every time, someone validated your feelings of sadness and depression, you start to believe that it is the truth. On one hand, you crave such sympathies and validation, on the other they just make your progress degrade. This is a vicious downward spiral, where lack of sympathy can make you feel that no one cares for you while gaining sympathy does no good to you. 

You take everything seriously 

An important sign of self-pity is that you cannot let things go in your life., or that you cannot laugh at a joke made in you. You take everything too seriously. This makes you less fun and you are always serious, unable to loosen up. 

You have low self-esteem 

People with low self-esteem usually crave attention from others and someone to validate their feelings. Self-pitying is seen highest among people with low self-esteem. Those who have low self-esteem might show that they do not have confidence or hatred towards themselves. This may gain the attention of those who are close to them and try to make them feel-good, giving all their energy and attention to them. This certainly makes them feel better. 

You are a past-oriented person 

If you happen to live in the past and hold on to what was done in the past, it is a sign of self-pity. You can think of past events and are stuck. Moving on from these events may be very difficult for you. Even though you may show that you are not affected by those events, deep down they still hurt you. Letting go of something that was done and dusted is not your forte. 

You have a distorted reality 

At the point when you live in a condition of self-pity, you take a gander at things through a distorted focal point. You will consider yourself to be as ghastly, in any event, when it isn’t unreasonably awful. You will grumble about how awful you have it before individuals who really have it truly downright terrible! In addition to the fact that it gives you the discernment that your life is more awful off than it truly is, it additionally causes you to tick off individuals and lose connections that are valuable to your life.

You are depressed 

When your life is taken so seriously or you do not have any kind of fun, then it is natural for you to fall into depression. Depression is a horrible state to live with. It drains your energy, takes you away from the experiences and people you love, and leaves you feeling sick and unhappy. If you tell yourself continuously that life is sad and depressed, nothing is right, etc, you will fall into depression. 

You do not have fun in life 

Life is intended to be entertaining. Few out of every odd day will be marvelous, yet most days will be in the event that you are living in a condition of high confidence. At the point when you pay attention to life as well, you can’t see the humor in circumstances. You can’t snicker at yourself. You can’t appreciate the occasion. That is a miserable state to live in on the grounds that in each second there is such a great amount of amusing to be had.

You are a living dead 

Ask yourself the amount of an everyday routine you have when you are experiencing a condition of self-pity. You will see that it isn’t a very remarkable life by any means. You are strolling around making an insincere effort, however, you are not generally living. There’s no fervor. There’s unpleasantness. There’s just the condition of depression and stress, which isn’t a daily existence by any means. You are alive, but also you are dead inside. 

You feel you have no potential 

On the off chance that you have any dreams or desires throughout everyday life, your self-pithiness will crush it somehow. Your troubling impression of your life will guarantee that you pursue any ounce of succeeding ceaselessly. You may stop yourself before you start. You may work yourself out of it while you are running after something you need. You may even damage yourself here and there. Whatever you do, you won’t arrive at your latent capacity, ever.

You are unattractive to others 

If you are apron with self-pity, you will not be wanted by others. Like a smile looks beautiful on everyone, self-pity looks ugly on everyone. It will keep you away from people. Who would want to be with a person who wallows in self-pity, someone who is in a constant state of suffering and needs attention. 

What is self pity? 

Self-pity is an exaggerated sense of sympathy for one’s own life and other circumstances. It is a mentally paralyzing trait. Living with self-pity is not only defunct for the self, but also for others involved with that person. It is a trait I would wish no one with. 

Self-pity makes you feel that the world is against you. You can’t get a break. Bad things seem to always happen to you. Promotions don’t come your way. Your kids never call enough or come by. Your ex ruined your life. 

Happiness eludes you and you don’t waste much time in telling others about it; self-pity prevents you from taking responsibility or realizing potential solutions.

Is there a difference between self-pity and depression 

There is a huge difference between self-pity and depression. Self-pity is about feeling sorry and bad for yourself. However, depression is far worse. 

Depression is a clinically recognized mental illness. Depression is an undesirable and unchosen blast of negative, dangerous musings and feelings. At the point when you’re suffocating in those contemplations and feelings, it’s difficult to be locked in with others or keen on anything outside of your own head. On occasion, you’re battling for your own life, quite literally.

On the other hand, this feeling of depression is misjudged from self-pity. A feeling of sorry for yourself. People with depression are usually asked to stop feeling sorry for the self and move on with life. 

How to deal with self-pity?

Self-pity can undoubtedly make your life a living hell. You are continuously beating yourself for things that were not in your hand to control. You live a life on the negative cloud. But here, we give you a few tips to deal with your self-pity. 

Here are 5 ways to deal with self-pity:

Face your feelings 

The next thing you can do is face all the unwanted feelings head on. If you engage n self-pity, you usually try to avoid any feeling of discomfort. Instead of saying things like you have suffered more than the people around you, you should make yourself strong enough to not compare with others. You can deal with all the feelings one at a time, but should never ignore them at any cost 

It is important to love yourself 

In addition to facing the negative feelings, it is important at times of hardships and difficulty you actually are companionate to yourself. Instead of beating yourself for a negative event, you should understand that it is okay and these coils happen to anyone around you. Stop wallowing and victimizing yourself. Instead, stand up straight and shower yourself with love and care. However, it is important to know when to stop and start the act. 

Remember that you have the choice to think otherwise. 

It is essential to remember that our thoughts do not control us, but we control them. We can think the way we want to, not the way our thoughts want to flow. If you are criticizing yourself or putting yourself down, because you are unable to chive something in life, remember you can change this thought. You can start feeling better about yourself by thinking, that this may be not what has to happen, or better, failure is a step towards success.  

You can turn your unwanted thoughts into behavior 

It is important that you start to recognize these negative thoughts that reduce self-esteem or even make you feel less competent. If you are sitting in a class thinking you could never present so well, let this not be your moment to stop from progressing. Instead, face your thoughts and say challenge accepted! Prepare yourself well for your presentation the next day and you can certainly do better. 

Stop talking about the bad things

If you are looking for sympathy and pity from others or even yourself,  you start to talk or think about the bad things that might be happening in your life, or you may in general look at everything from a negative lens. In order to avoid, this you should make sure that you block these negative thoughts. Instead of telling people what is absent in your life, tell them about the positives or what is better in your life. You can also maintain a journal where you can write 3 good things that happened to you today, this will reduce your feelings of self-pity. 


In this guide, we have looked at 11 signs of self-pity, what is self-pity, is there a difference between self-pity and depression, and how to deal with self-pity. 

FAQs: Signs of self-pity

What’s wrong with self-pity?

There is nothing wrong with self-pity. People engage in self-pity every now and then. However, if it exceeds its limit or starts to gain control over you need to take an action. Self-pity is bad, as it brings a sense of hopelessness and makes the individual weak. 

Is self-pity a form of pride?

It is said that self-pity is a form of pride suffering, not pride itself. A person with self-pity would say that I have suffered so much yet gone unrecognized. The feeling of self pithiness does not come to a lack of unworthiness, but a sense of unrecognized unworthiness. 

What is abnormal self-pity?

If you engage in an overly manner of feeling sad and sorry for yourself, where you are unable to get out of this loop, you might be projecting an abnormal form of self-pity.