Monogamy is considered as a desirable and positive attribute of a good and healthy relationship in western culture.
It is the process when two people in a relationship commit to remain loyal with each other and only date or marry one another without having another relationship at the same time.
Serial monogamy means going from one committed relationship to another one without having a break or a wait time in between.
It suggests remaining committed to one relationship at a single time, even if the commitment is for a limited time period.
There is always someone having a serious relationship going on every time with different people, the term serial in serial monogamy refers to the same repeated events over time.
In this article, we will discuss Serial monogamist psychology.
How Serial Monogamist Psychology develops
Here, we will discuss how serial monogamist psychology develops. People who tend towards being serial monogamists as adults always exhibit these signs early in their childhood as a specific relationship pattern.
They always have one close friend with whom they will like to spend time with and are attached to them.
They may feel jealous if that friend spends time with some other person or is pulled away from them for some time which might result in creating dysfunctional patterns based on emotional dependencies in children.
These types of patterns developed in one’s behavior can be described as “co-dependent serial monogamy”.
Serial Monogamist Psychology versus Serial Dater Psychology
Here, we will discuss the difference between serial monogamist psychology and a serial dater.
The main difference between serial dater psychology and serial monogamist psychology is that the monogamist is always looking to be in a relationship.
If someone breaks up with them, that person will start looking for another person to be in a relationship with and will go insane if could not find one in a short period of time or if that person is the one breaking up, they will make sure that they have already someone in mind to have a relationship with so they will not remain single which pretty much sums up a serial monogamist.
One of the popular examples of a serial monogamist is Taylor Swift.
On the other hand, a serial dater is not looking for a commitment and will often run away from it.
They are more likely to be involved with several people at the same time as they are not the ones to be tied down.
However, dating is more like a casual one and the other person also understands that this is nothing serious but just hanging out to have fun with no intention of moving forward or settling down in near future.
Serial Monogamist Psychology Traits
Now we will discuss serial monogamist psychology traits. As described above, a serial monogamist has an urge to always be in a relationship.
If you were teased in high school that you are married because you have been in one relationship for a very long time and the same goes forward when you are in another relationship with the next person that there is a chance that you might be a serial monogamist.
This also means that you are uncomfortable when you are single and there might not be a single time or maybe some days or a couple of months that you can count in your dating life that you were single.
Serial monogamists are also considered guilty of discussing with their axes and other people they were in close relationship with when they are in a new relationship with another person.
The reason for this discussion might be because of a short span of time between the two relationships or because of the relationships overlapping one another, hence not giving enough time to the person to get over their ex before they headfirst jump into another relationship.
In this case, this is something not in control of the specific person and even though you know it’s not a good thing, you are unable to help yourself.
One of the other signs that may describe you as a serial monogamist is when attending social events without a partner you feel awkward and out of place.
In most the cases if you opt-out of a social event, you are invited to, when you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend then there is a high chance that you are a serial monogamist.
As you might detest the idea of facing everyone at the event alone and spending time there by yourself which makes much sense.
There is another chance of you being a serial monogamist if you cant has casual sex with another person without turning the casual encounter into something more.
You will like to make the connection deeper and wake up to a person reading a newspaper or making breakfast rather than waking up alone after a physical session last night.
If you are more into making a connection emotionally rather than physically, there is a high chance that you are one of the serial monogamists.
How to deal with Serial Monogamist Psychology?
If you want to deal with serial monogamist psychology, it is best to start building your own sense of well being and self.
You should try to be happy when you are alone as if you cannot be happy when you are alone it will be much more difficult for you to be happy in a relationship over time.
Seeking happiness and well being through others in a relationship or otherwise is not sustainable. The good news is these patterns of behavior can be changed with determination, work, and intention.
However, without the person going for it committing to the change, it might be impossible to change these patterns one needs self-reflection, insight, and development on one’s own self.
You should work on taking breaks in between relationships and avoid going into one right after coming out of another, should sit down, and challenge oneself to process through all of the discomfort especially emotional ones while you are alone.
There are a number of therapeutic interventions that are designed solely for the purpose of helping people overcome such fears.
One should work on the further development of self-efficacy of one’s own self by removing your worth that is attached to your partner.
How Do You Know If Your Partner Is A Serial Dater?
Once you have worked over your fears and are out of a relationship and back in the dating world looking for another serial monogamist with whom you can live your life, you should be able to differentiate between serial daters and serial monogamist psychology so you don’t get too involved with dater.
Here, we will be discussing some of the aspects that can be used to differentiate between the two.
A serial dater is more into dating and will be impatient to take you out on the first date as soon as possible rather than making a connection first emotionally.
They will not care whether they know enough about you or not but will try to whisk you away on a date, in the same sense you will not have much information regarding them too.
Most of the serial daters are also good at charming because of their experience in dating.
As they are dating several people at a time, they become good at finding the points of the other person that can be used to charm them and make them fall for themselves as much sooner as possible.
One of the other things that will make serial daters stand out is that they don’t like to go into anything serious or heavy which also includes having a serious or informative conversation with the other person.
If the topics discussed in your conversation during your first date are all shallow and there is not even one topic or a hint that anything could go deeper and you can learn more about the other person that means that the other person is keeping you away for some specific reason.
If they don’t ask you any questions regarding getting information about you then this is a sure sign they are just there for having fun and are not interested in having something serious with you for the long term.
If the other person is more focused on your looks than admitting something about their feelings towards you then this is another sign that they are a serial dater and are here only for fun.
If the other person is strongly into you they cannot just shut it off and not go for a connection at a deeper level.
The reality can be that they do not want to fall deeply for you and keep you at an arm’s length because they don’t want to have a deeper connection with you and go for a commitment in the relationship and are just there for casual dating and fun.
Letting A Serial Dater Go
It might be hard sometimes to let a serial dater go because of their charm and maybe because they are too wild in bed as their main focus is the physical aspects of the relationship rather than connecting at a deeper level.
If you are also good at keeping your relationship physical only then it is another thing but if you want to keep a better connection at a deeper level emotionally then it is time for you to consider moving on from it.
You can go into a physical relationship even with a serial monogamist which might be even better than a serial dater but will truly care for you and will make you happy emotionally.
You will also reap the benefits of having someone who wants to know about you and wants to solidify the basis of your relationship and wants to build a prosperous relationship in the future with you.
Difficulties of Serial Dating or Serial Monogamist Psychology
Whether you are in a relationship with a serial dater or serial monogamy or you are one of them, everyone has their specific wants, expectations, and needs and both types have their advantages and disadvantages which might or might not be suitable for you.
Here, we are gonna point out the difficulties regarding both serial monogamist and a serial dater.
A serial dater may never experience a committed or long term relationship and might never experience one, whereas on the other hand a serial monogamist might not have been independent even once and might never learn the value of being independent, both of these values are a very important part of life.
Thus, there is a difference between serial monogamist psychology and a serial dater. You need to identify these traits within yourself
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FAQ about Serial Monogamist Psychology
Who is known as a serial monogamist?
The serial monogamist seeks for a single relationship at a time, while the dater can be seeing multiple people at one.
Do serial monogamists marry?
There are very few changes of serial monogamist to get married as they have a history of long term committed relationships.
What we recommend for Relationship & LGBTQ issues
- If you are having relationship issues or maybe you are in an abusive relationship then relationship counselling could be your first point of call. Relationship counselling could be undertaken by just you, it does not require more than one person.
If you are dealing with LGBTQ issues then LGBTQ counselling may be a great option for you. Maybe you are confused as to your role and identity or simply need someone to speak to. LGBTQ counsellors are specially trained to assist you in this regard.