Relationships aren’t worth it (Why + what to do)
By
OptimistMinds
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Author bio
The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. Each article is written by a team member with exposure to and experience in the subject matter. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material.
In this article, we will be addressing the statement: relationships aren’t worth it. We will be looking at the reasons why people feel relationships aren’t worth it and how can they be of worth in your life. We will also be discussing and addressing other questions concerning the strength and maintenance of relationships.
Relationships aren’t worth it
Relationships are not worth it if it involves any kind of abuse or disrespect to either of the partner, involved in the relationship. When patterns of abuse, disrespect, miscommunication, or anything that is not healthy for your mental and physical well-being starts showing up, it is time to leave or end the relationship. All these are considered red flags in a relationship and indicates that it is not going well.
Also, if you notice any kind of fidelity or cheating involved in the relationship, you should leave the relationship as staying any longer would slowly start making you feel as if you don’t value yourself as a person and in the future, you would continue attracting unfaithful partners.
Relationships are worth it only if it adds value and happiness to your life. You must be able to connect with your partner and feel secure in their presence. You must be looking forward to spending time with your partner and sharing the happenings of your life, without hesitation or any kind of fear. You should be able to be yourself with your partner, at all costs.
Most people who have negative experiences or traumatic events in their relationship find it extremely hard and overwhelming to open up themselves and allow another person to enter their lives. The key is to look out for the ones who will love you wholeheartedly and without holding back themselves and vice versa. Choose those people whole embrace and respect the person you are and support you in all phases of your life; good or bad.
They must be able to challenge you mentally and help you grow into a better human being, without trying to force anything upon you. Anything worth your time and effort is bound to be challenging and would involve a little bit of struggle along the way. You must face those challenges at your own pace and find what keeps you happy and satisfied, in the long run.
Relationships in reality
Any relationship, of any kind, is never forever happy and filled with eternal sunshine and red roses. They tend to get messy now and then. Love is not the only ingredient that is needed for a healthy and sustaining relationship. You need to have mutual respect, the willingness to compromise, sacrifice, understand, and to stand by your partner at all times, throughout.
You need to be willing to be by their side during their good and bad days. You must encourage them to be the best version of themselves but also accept them for what they are currently, at the same time. Nobody is perfect and relationships too, take hard work and consistent effort from those who are involved in it. To be under the impression that the perfect person will come along eventually is to believe that relationships do not take work.
No relationships sustain without effort and willingness to keep at it. They are not always easy and smooth sailing. There will be conflicts and disagreements. The key is to choose your battles wisely and to never forget that both the partners are involved in fighting against the battle together.
Love is never just about convenience. It takes time and conscious effort from those involved in it to make it grow fruitfully and in a healthy manner. The foundation of any relationship has to be laid down strong and firm. You do not decide to commit to someone because they are perfect, but because you choose to give it a chance, despite the imperfections that exist.
Commitment
Commitment is not just another word that is to be found in the dictionary. It is not a vague promise to be made or a strict rule to be followed. Commitment is something that comes about naturally when you genuinely love and care for someone. When you are not afraid to be vulnerable or to commit mistakes in the presence of that person. It is never the act of losing your freedom; rather it is exercising it to choose whom you want to gift the most valuable things; your time, effort, and your trust.
When you commit, it is never going to be the perfect person. However, it can always be the right person, if and when you learn that two people always need not be the same to love each other and to be in a relationship.
The benefit of breaks from relationships
If you have experienced a recent breakup and feel like you need to date again, you might want to reconsider your feelings and thoughts before you jump in. breaks from relationships are necessary to make understand what exactly is missing in the relationship and what are your honest expectations from a relationship. Especially, after a breakup, it is always best to stay single until you feel mentally and physically ready to invest your time and energy in another person.
Going solo also helps you to get an insight into where you need to attain closure concerning your previous relationships and how would you want to go about it. A closure is necessary for you to move on from your past relationships that did not work out or went astray. These closures could be from your partners or you could bring it up by yourself, giving it ample time and space to be processed and accepted by you. It helps in healing your wounds and slowly get back to normal times.
Breaks from relationships also provide you with ample time to explore yourself as an individual and to learn more about your values, perceptions, beliefs, and patterns of habits. There will be enough mental space for you to incorporate every kind of need and wish. You would adobe able to reconnect with your other loved one including your close friends and family members, with a cherishing and peaceful mind.
Humans seek to connect and be loved in one or the other form. Relationships form the crux of human life and we live in this world to be related to one another in one way or the other. Relationships provide us with a calming sense of security and belongingness that rarely comes by when living away from the people around you, shutting out the world.
So, relationships are always worth it!. Believe so and be brave of yourself each time you decide to love another being without any constraints. They are not worth it, only and when you start losing yourself in them.
Conclusion
In this article, we discussed the statement: relationships aren’t worth it. We discussed why and when do people feel relationships are not worth it and how to make relationships work in reality. We also addressed the concept of commitment and the benefits of taking breaks from relationships.
FAQs: relationships aren’t worth it
Is it bad to never want a relationship?
There is nothing bad or ashamed to be about for not wanting to be in a relationship. You could be happy living alone or being in your own space for the time being. Things may or may not change in the future. There is no need for you to explain to someone why you are not in a relationship.
However, if you are holding yourself back from being in a relationship because of past experiences or traumas that you had to endure in any particular relationship, this could be a sign of a problem that will need to be addressed by you.
Can you be in love with someone and not want a relationship?
Yes. you can be in love with someone who you adore and admire with all your heart but not willing to share a romantic relationship, at the same time. You might love to spend time with certain people and engage in meaningful conversations or activities with them involved. However, that does not necessarily mean you are longing to be in a relationship with them.
Can someone leave you if they love you?
A strong relationship is built on three C’s. they are communication, compromise, and commitment. These are the main three components required to sustain any kind of relationship. However, none of these should be built by compromising your peace of mind or who you are. Communicate honestly and understand that your relationship is a part of your life and that not every relationship stays forever. Some are bound to change in nature and eventually get dissolved on its own. In such instances, a relationship might come to an end, even if your partner loves you at the same time.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, open communication, and mutual respect between the partners. Both of them are ready to take the required effort to work out things between them and not let each other down in times of need. There is also no imbalance of power. Both partners respect and understand each other’s independence, need for space, and the importance of other relationships in life. There is no fear of retribution or retaliation and all the decisions concerning the relationship are taken mutually and after thinking it through with the aid of proper discussions.
Does time apart strengthen a relationship?
Yes. some time apart from your partner can be healthy, beneficial, and insightful for both of you and the well-being of the relationship. It helps in understanding the foundation of the relationship from afar and to analyze and reevaluate the relationship goals and expectations of you and your partner.
Especially, when you feel that your relationship is at a breaking point, a break will indeed be useful for keeping your relationship get away from the breaking point. It will help in realizing the pitfalls in the relationship and how to work on them, mutually.
What are the five signs of an unhealthy relationship?
Any relationship where the partners do not give each other mutual respect and space for expressing themselves can be considered unhealthy. Such relationships do not thrive for long and usually tend to go through a messy ending. Certain signs of an unhealthy relationship are as follows:
Dishonesty. This is a huge turn off in any relationship and it creates an immense amount of tension and hurt for the partner who is at the receiving end.
Controlling behavior. This is highly toxic and unhealthy for the partners and the relationship. It ends up in feelings of suffocation, exhaustion, and frustration for the partner being controlled persistently, for various reasons.
Avoidance behavior. This is another major pitfall in a relationship. Most partners find it easier to avoid the underlying issues in a relationship and most of the time, they end up getting piled up and stumble down altogether, at the end. This leads to utter chaos and intense conflicts which later turn out to be unsolvable differences between the partners.
Insecurities. Any form of insecurities, if not addressed properly and communicated with the partners will gradually lead to bigger problems and undesirable patterns of coping, in a relationship.
References
https://www.quora.com/Why-arent-relationships-worth-it
https://medium.com/hello-love/relationships-arent-easy-but-they-re-worth-it-6a5dfdc1a69a